Coming out to my dad

[MadeleineG]

To this point, I've come out to my wife and sister. My sister responded with a nonchalant "cool" and my wife with...well...suffice it to say we're still working through things.

Next on the list is my dad. I'm deeply concerned that he'll interpret this as a rejection of him. "What son who loves his father would want to distance himself in this way?" he'll say 

I'd really appreciate the advice of those who've walked this road already.

Thx,

Maddy

[SaveMeJeebus]

I have no great advice, just keep your head held high. If that's how your dad response, maybe tell him that you don't think you are, he is just being paranoid.

[Dreams2014]

I don't look forward to the day I have to do this. He's a man's man who hates gays. If he hates gays I wonder what he'd make of his only son actually not wanting to be his son at all.

[Ltl89]

The one thing I have learned about coming out is that there is no right way to do it.  Different things work for different people.  So take the method that you are most comfortable with and move forward.  It's difficult to judge how he'll respond.  I have seen many different reactions.  At the end of the day, there is really no way of knowing.  Also,  you can't control the way they respond.   Even the seemingly most perfect strategy may not always provide great results.   

In any event,  you know your father.  Do it in way way that he would be comfortable with and make sure to speak your heart.   I wish you lots od luck.

[smile_jma]

My dad has a lesbian daughter and was very pleased he was able to go to her 5yr commitment ceremony a while ago, so I can't say my dad had any adverse reaction. I wrote a letter to him, and he wrote back he just wants me to be happy and that he'll always be my dad. The only problem with the letter (besides any adverse reactions) is the anticipation of the answer, or any answer at all.  Unless of course, you write the letter, amd then give it to him/read it in front of him.

[Rachel84]

My father is very conservative as well, and never had nice things to say about the LGBT community.  At first when I told him, he was emotional about what I went through keeping things to myself for all these years.  But after that initial period there were several months of where he would refuse to discuss anything and acted very distant.  He still won't refer to me by female pronouns or by my female name.  But he has lately warmed up to the whole situation, and has slowly begun to accept things.  I think that as parents their kids are a reflection on them (I'm not a parent BTW), so being a macho guy's guy, and having a son who'd rather be a girl must've been difficult to accept.  I think my dad was concerned about how the rest of the family and his friends would think about him.  Since pretty much everyone knows about me and has been accepting, things have not been as difficult as they were before. 

One of the reasons I waited as long as I did before coming out was because of my fear of my father's reaction.  And I knew as I was getting ready to tell him that things would probably change between us (and they have).  Lately though we have talked about things a little more, and even though he's told me how weird the situation is, he's trying.  Hopefully with time, things will get easier and it won't have to be as difficult as it has been. 

I guess it comes to the point where you have to bite the bullet and see what happens.  Acceptance might not happen immediately but opinions change over time.