Pre-op TS and being nude.

[Suzy]

Honestly?  I hate it. 

Even so, I wish that I looked like you. 

You are much sweeter than I am, too. You're OK, girl. 

Thanks, Rhonda, you nut!


Kristi

[Buffy]

I always felt uncomfortable pre-op, I not only hated my sex organs, but having to look at a hairy body and face.

I would never get changed in the mens locker rooms, but went to and from in the sports gear I was wearing and would shower at home.

I hated bathing and showering, It was functional rather than a pleasure and I always used plenty of bubble bath and a strategically placed rubber duck in the bath. I never liked touching my penis (or enjoyed anyone else touching it)

I hated shaving, but the only thing I hated more than shaving was growing facial hair, it was a catch 22 situation.

It is so depressing when I had baths or showers with my ex wife, she loved this but it only served to remind me how hideous I found my own body.

But times change and its now a pleasure to walk naked round the womens locker room, lounge in the sauna and enjoy long baths, or showers washing my bits and my hair, feeling a soft and sensuous body.

The worst thing about Gender Dysphoria to me was how uncomfortable I always was in my own skin. It was fundemental to my life and that didn't really change until I transitioned.

Buffy

[Hazumu]

Somehow I managed to ignore my 'male' bits during necessary hygiene, etc.  Those aspects of me were just not there as much as I could ignore them and didn't have to attend to them.

I was told there was nothing that could be done -- you are what you're born as.  And I was just doing my best to carry on.

At times of undressing, whether in private or public, I performed it as a utility -- something that the situation required of me.  In locker room situations, I was annoyed by the jocks who would be strutting and showing off, never understanding their joy in exhibitionism.

Bathing privately, again the blind spot, broken by the necessity of proper care & hygiene.  If there were any thoughts, they were of the 'what would it be like if' variety.  I was well aware of the common heritage of male and female genitalia, and what structures had common beginnings on the fetus, so I could content myself with visualizing what it would be like if this bit had ended up there instead.

Welcome to my coping mechanism 

Karen

[Lisbeth]

Ah, I thought the question meant WHEN NUDE ALONE.

Same here.  When I'm bathing I turn off my emotions and don't look.

Undressing in front of other people?!  No way!

I hated gym classes everyday in middle school and high school.  Middle school was much worse, I had constant fear.  I would NEVER shower.  High school was bad, just not as bad as middle school. 

Ya.  Exponential pain.

[rhonda13000]

Somehow I managed to ignore my 'male' bits during necessary hygiene, etc.  Those aspects of me were just not there as much as I could ignore them and didn't have to attend to them.

I was told there was nothing that could be done -- you are what you're born as.  And I was just doing my best to carry on.

At times of undressing, whether in private or public, I performed it as a utility -- something that the situation required of me.  In locker room situations, I was annoyed by the jocks who would be strutting and showing off, never understanding their joy in exhibitionism.

Bathing privately, again the blind spot, broken by the necessity of proper care & hygiene.  If there were any thoughts, they were of the 'what would it be like if' variety.  I was well aware of the common heritage of male and female genitalia, and what structures had common beginnings on the fetus, so I could content myself with visualizing what it would be like if this bit had ended up there instead.

Welcome to my coping mechanism 

Karen

I unexpectedly reached the point where I could not tolerate the presence of 'it' [the other parts had been long since excised].

I did not want this to happen, as I wanted to preserve the tissue for penile inversion GRS.

I just couldn't believe it, Karen. That's the way that it has been: merciless.

I tried to fight it and then one day, I found myself engaging in targeted self-mutilation of 'it' with a #12 scalpel and after a while of this, I thought to myself,

"OK girl, this is serious. Something must be done, now."

I was shocked that I was actually doing something like this; astounded, really.

Not long after that, 'it' was radically excised by a local urology department.

My Lord Karen...I had forgotten about that time until now....

I was utterly astounded.

[almost,angie]

Very, very, uncomfortable. I shower in my underwear. In the locker room I didn`t even like t change my shirt. The locker room seemed like some kind of hell I had to walk into. Teenage boys are mean and scary. To defend myself from them I did the prison thing. I stood up to the bigest, badest, wants to fight with everyone bully and became untouchable through Jr. high.
  Fogged mirros, bubbles , lots and lots of shaving.

[Ms Bev]

Welcome to my coping mechanism 
Karen

This is very private stuff here, but I was always tiny, and now 3 times my previous tiny self since hrt.  My other 2 "bits" arent the size of 2 bits at all, but tiny cashew halves.
I consider my part (when I can see it) to be a larger than usual clitoris, and treat it as such.  The sac?? Hell, it's so shrunken, it serves as pseudo-labia.

Anyway, Karen, that's my coping mechanism at the moment.


Weird Bev, Who shares waaay too much.   

[Melissa]

I'm only somewhat uncomfortable.  When I see myself naked, I see a female body with the exception of the genitals.  If I tuck it between the legs, I look totally female.  Usually I get to distracted by my breasts to look further down, which is a good thing.  My body hair is pretty much female at this point, so that's not an issue.  I only really shave my legs and armpits and nothing else.  That being said, I've gotten used to seeing the unsightly bits down there and now it's not too bad, most of my discomfort with my genitals at this point is situational, whereas I have to limit my activities due only to the fact of what I have down below.  In that sense, it is very frustrating.

[ssindysmith]

Sexy and nasty at the same time, it all depends on what parts LOL

[Hypatia]

I can't undress in front of men. It's irrational, I know I'm a male, but it's terribly embarassing and WRONG... and felt so even as a very small child. I never, ever showered after gym in high school. Ewww! But god... parade naked in front of a couple dozen boys? NOT happening.

Heh, I was exactly the same way. I simply played hooky from gym class all through high school. I didn't care in the least that I got an F, because it did not figure in my grade point average. And I graduated with a sweet 3.5 

I answered the question in terms of being alone or with my sweetie. These days, when she and I get naked together, I usually wear a thong and tuck to minimize the physical difference between us.

Before I got on hormones, and before I sugared the hair off my body, yeah I did feel "extreme psychological pain." But now I'm consoled knowing that my transformation is well underway and one day I'll have the vagina I should have been born with. That gives me enough hope to get by with "some discomfort." The discomfort serves some useful purpose. It keeps prodding me to keep moving, keep trying, don't slack off, "KEEP YOUR EYES ON THE PRIZE, HOLD ON."

In locker room situations, I was annoyed by the jocks who would be strutting and showing off, never understanding their joy in exhibitionism.

Your post reminded me of something I wish I could forget. At the age of about 11 I was traumatized in a locker room by the sight of an older boy who stood nude with an erection, and showed off to the others by moving his hips, causing it to swing around in a circle. Some boys had gathered around to watch and he had a goofy grin on his face. His erection was dark red and scary looking. I had never seen such a thing before, and my brain pretty much refused to take in what my eyes were seeing. I had long loathed my genitals and turned my face up to avoid seeing them when changing. That image in the locker room scarred my visual cortex and made me try to avoid boys as much as possible. Unfortunately, my parents sent me to an all-boys high school... years of absolute miserable hell.

[J.T.]

i don't even like undressing in front of my cats.

[NatalieC]

i don't even like undressing in front of my cats.

Yeah I know what you mean. My cat used to give me really funny looks when she saw me naked. I used to get embarrased and say "pssst go away! Im naked! Why are you looking at me like that?"Then I would look in the mirror and go "Oh I see!"

[Rachael]

Ah, I thought the question meant WHEN NUDE ALONE.

~Kate~

That's what I understood, but I guess I confused you kitty cats.  So,

extreme psychological discomfort in both cases.

Undressing in front of men = extreme psychological pain

Even pre-transition, I was never able to remove my shirt in front of other men.  I had a male body then, I didn't have breasts, I was anatomically male, but still, it felt very WRONG to expose my torso in a locker room full of young men.  Somehow, I felt violated, raped...can't think of another word really.

Undressing alone = extreme psychological pain

During my pre-op years, I tried not to look in the mirror when I was nude.  The ironic part was that the more feminine-looking my body became, the more pain I felt looking at *that thing* hanging from my female body.  To me, it was a feeling of disgust and repugnance and though I tried very hard to overcome it, I didn't succeed.

Better? 


tink

i TOTALLY agree with tink. I felt so wrong, about being topless, even before i knew why. and i was always ashamed of my body, like, even tho i had a male body, i felt ashamed that people might see that thing, and think it weird, even tho it wasnt. I went to great lenghts to avoid nudity in hightschool.
Alone, it feels worse, it was worse when i knew i was a girl, and my body said otherwise. but now im becomeing more beautiful, and feminine, im with tink, it looks VERY out of place. and im starting to feel like some ->-bleeped-<- pornstar, body of a young woman, genetals of a young man. It disgusts me.

[Alison]

Gonna answer for the flipside...

Seeing Jaycie naked is I guess the best I can describe it -weird-... when I actually LOOK and pay attention to what I'm seeing my brain goes "uhhy thats not right... it shouldn't be like that o.0"  But I still find her beautiful... when we're uhh.. having private time.   we force our brains to believe it's not what it actually is... and that it's what it should be.

oh and I dig her boobs

[Autumn]

Alone I'm really bothered by my masculine qualities, and the scars/deformity from my scoliosis. The hair here and there, the scar, that kind of thing. But I spend a lot of time in front of the mirror, admiring my hair, my developing waistline (go healthy lifestyle! though... wish I had bigger bones there.)

Taking off clothes around others, I'm fine as long as I'm not covered in stubble. Hairy (as much as I loathe that, I went with it when I was acting and had to change with the guys) or hairless, being stubbly just feels ick beyond words. Sadly right now I'm relatively stubbly from not enough time to unwind and take care of myself.

Intimately, I don't mind it at all as I've only been with two women and they were both extremely attracted to me. Though the masculinity compliments always stab me hard. But...being called beautiful is nice, regardless if they mean as a man or a woman.

Pool/swimming/etc, i'm far more fit than most people so I don't mind it. :V

[Berliegh]

If your careful enough it's not going to be noticed no matter how skimpy the clothes you wear on the beach...but I would feel more confident without it..

As for boobs I have't gone topless as my boobs are quite small which doesn't give me too much confidence..

[Rachael]

i will readily wander around my house in my bra and knickers... and i share it with two people, as long as the offending item is not in sight, im ok with my body.

[Elizabeth]

I hate being naked, always have. I used a medical excuse to get out of Physical Education in Jr high and high school, because they required students to shower in group showers and dressing rooms. I have always been very uncomfortable being nude and was never one of those guys who went without a shirt. Even at the beach I always left my shirt on, even when swimming. Like Kate, I knew I shouldn't be embarrassed in front of other men, but I was.

Even as an adult when I joined the health club, I always dressed in a stall where no one could see me. I still hate being nude. I hate showering because of it. Yeah, extreme discomfort is what I feel.

Love always,
Elizabeth

[Aurelia]

I'm okay with my upper-half. I'm not very muscular, and therefore I look like a prepubescent girl. This I can handle. I'd prefer breasts, but I just need to wait until they grow ~
My lower-half... Well... I try not to look. I hate everything masculine about me (face, lower legs, my height (though I can cope with being a tall girl)), and so naturally I despise the most masculine thing about me. It isn't very girly to have one, after all.

Around others, I cannot undress. Around girls I feel self-conscious, and don't like it. Around guys, it just feels so wrong. I absolutely hated the changing rooms in school, even before I realized I'm TS - I was always out of place, always quite girly. And getting completely undressed in front of someone, I could never do that, not as a boy. Maybe as a girl, but never as a boy.

[Lucy]

You all have simlar stories to tell and mine at childhood just matches thous, the discused, imbarrisment and hatred. Doing any thing possible not 2 b seen naked. I now however even though i dispise my body and at times been physicly sick looking at my self naked, i am no longer inbarrised by it. It is a good male body its just anoying that its  my body and not some mans. I would change it for all my possestions. To b the same on the out side as the inside is just a dream that may never happen.