Over 2 years on T and still no changes (Rant)

[Dominick_81]

I just had my appointment with my endo dr. and the reason I haven't been getting any changes is b/c my levels haven't been in the normal male range. My T levels were only 4x higher than a females the Dr. said. This is so frustrating. No wonder why I have trouble passing and my voice is still so high. I have not masculized in over a year. I just look like a masculine girl... especially when I shave. The scrappy patchy little bit of facial hair I have masculizes me a little bit. Without it I just look like a masculine girl. With it, I look like a masculine girl with facial hair. I kinda just stayed at the 1 year mark for over a year with no changes. My Dr. doubled my dose so hopefully in my next few shots I'll have some changes(if my T levels are right). I'm hoping that with this higher dose that my facial hair will get thicker and darker and the hair will fill in on the other side so it doesn't look so bad and my voice will get deeper. This has been so frustrating being on T for over 2 years with very little change. Now I'm worried about the acne again with the higher dose. I hope it won't be too bad. I should be done with the acne by now. This totally sucks! I'm gonna have band aids all over my face if I get acne.


Here is a compassion photo so you can see I haven't had much change at all. I pretty much look the same. I haven't masculized much at all. Only a little bit.

         Pre-T                                                               over 2 years on T Taken in June 2013
               

[Jamie D]

Apparently you have another side effect.  Your eyesight is not good.

I see lots of masculine changes in your face.

[SaveMeJeebus]

Your shoulders seem broader, although it might be as of you are in a different position, while your face seems a have changed quite a bit, look out your cheeks and chin.

[Nicolette]

Wow. I would never mistake you for a girl. Your pre-T photo looks like a 15 year-old boy. Your post-T photo looks like a good looking guy. You're lucky that you had some naturally masculine features to start off with.

[=celestica=]

I'm usually the bearer of bad news on this site because I'm honest... but I see obvious changes in your face. Less facial fat.
I wouldn't think you're anything but male in the after picture, nothing fem about you at all.

[Tadpole]

Yeah, you look great. Your facial structure looks different than in the first photo, so I must be seeing changes that you don't. I do think you have a masculine look in both pictures though.

[Dominick_81]

Apparently you have another side effect.  Your eyesight is not good.

I see lots of masculine changes in your face.

Really? I don't see a whole lot of changes. Just a little bit. Pics are so devising though. I don't think in person I look that masculine.

Your shoulders seem broader, although it might be as of you are in a different position, while your face seems a have changed quite a bit, look out your cheeks and chin.

Yeah, it could be the position I'm in that makes my shoulders look broader, not sure. I'm always wondering if it's the angel that makes my cheeks and chin look different...?

Wow. I would never mistake you for a girl. Your pre-T photo looks like a 15 year-old boy. Your post-T photo looks like a good looking guy. You're lucky that you had some naturally masculine features to start off with.

Thanks. I still get mis-gendered too. A video might be a better judge as to why I'm getting mis-gendered. I'll try to get a video up sometime soon. Pre-T I hardly ever passed when I was in my late teens maybe...? But I always wore my hair a bit longer. As a kid it varied in length.

I'm usually the bearer of bad news on this site because I'm honest... but I see obvious changes in your face. Less facial fat.
I wouldn't think you're anything but male in the after picture, nothing fem about you at all.

Thanks.

Yeah, you look great. Your facial structure looks different than in the first photo, so I must be seeing changes that you don't. I do think you have a masculine look in both pictures though.

Thanks.


I'm not sure why then I'm getting mis-gender still. I just went into this pizza place and I could have sworn the guy called me hun.... what guy calls another guy hun? That upset me last night and just brought my confidence down again in passing.

[Nicolette]

I'm not sure why then I'm getting mis-gender still. I just went into this pizza place and I could have sworn the guy called me hun.... what guy calls another guy hun? That upset me last night and just brought my confidence down again in passing.

To be honest, that sounds really insane judging from the photo. As you said, a video may make it more obvious what the problem could be.

[Jack_M]

Dude! I see a lot of changes!

Maybe the pizza dude was gay? I know gay guys who call folks hun. Or maybe it was son? I know at least in Scotland that's common but I've heard it elsewhere. I still use it on occasion myself.

[Dominick_81]

To be honest, that sounds really insane judging from the photo. As you said, a video may make it more obvious what the problem could be.

Yeah, a video might be better. I'll have to make a short little video and put it up.

Dude! I see a lot of changes!

Maybe the pizza dude was gay? I know gay guys who call folks hun. Or maybe it was son? I know at least in Scotland that's common but I've heard it elsewhere. I still use it on occasion myself.

lol, that's what my mom said, that he was probably gay. Yeah, he could have said son. He said it so low I couldn't hear, but it sounded like hun, but possibly could have been son.

[aleon515]

It says the photos were moved or deleted so I don't know. The avatar looks male to me.
I think some of it is in attitude and self-confidence. (And actually cisguys are misgendered too, esp if there is some feminine to their presentation.
Look Dominick, I am very small 5'1" and about 120 lbs. I have a small frame and no arm hair (or little). I have a bit of shadow of a stache (which I took hair dye to). But I am passing 5 months on T. I am pretty sure that some of it is just confidence that I am who I am presenting to be.

BTW, gay guys sometimes call each other girl. At least it is common here.

One thing I have seen sometimes is that trans guys who aren't passing too much, if they care that is, need to stack the deck towards more conventional gender presentation. It seems to help. Passing is just a tricky thing and I am not altogether sure why I pass HALF the time or why I don't pass HALF the time.

--Jay

[Dominick_81]

It says the photos were moved or deleted so I don't know. The avatar looks male to me.
I think some of it is in attitude and self-confidence. (And actually cisguys are misgendered too, esp if there is some feminine to their presentation.
Look Dominick, I am very small 5'1" and about 120 lbs. I have a small frame and no arm hair (or little). I have a bit of shadow of a stache (which I took hair dye to). But I am passing 5 months on T. I am pretty sure that some of it is just confidence that I am who I am presenting to be.

BTW, gay guys sometimes call each other girl. At least it is common here.

One thing I have seen sometimes is that trans guys who aren't passing too much, if they care that is, need to stack the deck towards more conventional gender presentation. It seems to help. Passing is just a tricky thing and I am not altogether sure why I pass HALF the time or why I don't pass HALF the time.

--Jay

Yeah, I just took the photos down. I'm gonna try to get a video up and maybe you guys can tell me what's getting me mis-gendered.

I don't think there's anything feminine about me, but when I get the video up, hopefully you guys can tell me if there is anything feminine to me.

btw.. the avatar isn't me, but I wish I looked like that.

[Darrin Scott]

Maybe cut your hair? Maybe try a shorter hair cut. It might help. Couldn't hurt.

[Dominick_81]

Maybe cut your hair? Maybe try a shorter hair cut. It might help. Couldn't hurt.

I do pass more with my short hair, but I like long hair better. I wanna be able to pass with my long hair.

[aleon515]

Well I don't know why you are aren't passing with long hair, but you complain so bitterly about not passing (since I have been on the board quite a number of times) maybe there is some other kind of hair cut that's short that you might like.

I have no idea why people with significant facial hair don't pass. It just amazes me.

--Jay

[lissabuchannon]

I would suggest you have your doctor do a Karotype test to determine your genetic (not hormonal) birth sex. I would not be surprised if you have some degree of a condition called AIS - I did see changes in your pictures and was weighing whether to post or not because I know I'm going the other way, but I have quite a bit of experience on the T before I stopped taking it and switched to E, and you're right that the changes seen so far are more subtle than expected. When you get blood tests, is your E level checked at all? I'm guessing things might have been overlooked because you're taking T which is expected to  stop E production. But if I'm right, some of the T might not be useful to your body, and you may still have elevated E levels. It's worth checking if you have any question on your progress. Best to discuss with your doc next time you see hir. Could be nothing, but if you do have an intersex condition you didn't know about, it's easily worked around as long as the docs know about it.

[Dominick_81]

I would suggest you have your doctor do a Karotype test to determine your genetic (not hormonal) birth sex. I would not be surprised if you have some degree of a condition called AIS - I did see changes in your pictures and was weighing whether to post or not because I know I'm going the other way, but I have quite a bit of experience on the T before I stopped taking it and switched to E, and you're right that the changes seen so far are more subtle than expected. When you get blood tests, is your E level checked at all? I'm guessing things might have been overlooked because you're taking T which is expected to  stop E production. But if I'm right, some of the T might not be useful to your body, and you may still have elevated E levels. It's worth checking if you have any question on your progress. Best to discuss with your doc next time you see hir. Could be nothing, but if you do have an intersex condition you didn't know about, it's easily worked around as long as the docs know about it.

See, I knew it! I knew I didn't have any major changes. It's been over 2 years on T. I should look a lot more masculine. I'm so disappointed with my results from T after 2 years. Having sublte results is very upsetting over 2 years on T.

How is that I go from being in the normal male Range to bring way below the normal male range on the same dosage? I've had problems from the start with my dosage. It just seemed like it was never ever right. And then I get in the normal male range for a certain amount of who knows how long and then it goes low again. Will I ever actually get more than just sublte changes? This transition has been so frustrating. Had I been give the correct dosages from the beginning I probably would have had more than just subtle changes and I wouldn't be so upset.

@Aleon515: I do have a short haircut that I go and get, but I'd rather have long hair. At this point in my transition I shouldn't have to cut my hair just to get a passing, ya know what I mean?

[BrotherBen]

This is just a guess, but I'd imagine that effective dosage for t is, to at least some extent, based on a variety of changing factors, like tolerance and body mass, rather than constant like you might expect. So I don't think it's that weird to have your levels be normal for a while
and then drop off.
That being said, I think you and your haircut pass just fine, and if anything is getting you looked at sideways, it's probably the fact that you look so guilty and anxious.

[BrotherBen]

No idea why a 1. and 2. appeared in my last post. Tablets are weird.

[lissabuchannon]

See, I knew it! I knew I didn't have any major changes. It's been over 2 years on T. I should look a lot more masculine. I'm so disappointed with my results from T after 2 years. Having sublte results is very upsetting over 2 years on T.

How is that I go from being in the normal male Range to bring way below the normal male range on the same dosage? I've had problems from the start with my dosage. It just seemed like it was never ever right. And then I get in the normal male range for a certain amount of who knows how long and then it goes low again. Will I ever actually get more than just sublte changes? This transition has been so frustrating. Had I been give the correct dosages from the beginning I probably would have had more than just subtle changes and I wouldn't be so upset.

Everyone I know who has done T MTF has changed in months almost beyond recognition, but YMMV due to genetics, levels, etc. Not everyone is the same, I just think it's worth looking into it. I'm probably the worst person to come up with any answers tho, being born in between and forced, as I feel now, into an FTM transition. Really, I don't know what to call it when you're told to shoot T and HGH every 2 wks from 16 yrs old...........All I know is based on the changes that happened to me from 16-18 without any natural T, and only having HRT for it.....the changes were noticeable in weeks. In a few months, noticeable to everyone else around me. I seriously think you'll have no problems passing at all, but know from looking at you that you can look totally cisgendered with the right medical testing and approach. I'm only trying to help, I'm not criticizing, cause god knows, I'll never pass as either M or F myself, and I'm finally ok with that. XO Alicia