Feel like I'm running in circles

[Kade1985]

Has anyone else been in this situation where... you just don't want to think about how you identify gender wise and you don't want anyone to call you he and or her at all? Like I don't know I've felt this weird sense of wanting to hide in a hole lately whenever anyone calls me any of those things.

I don't know how to quite explain it either. Like I was talking to a friend tonight and I was goofing and talking in third person and was like "Jerred misses his blablabla" and suddenly just.. wanted to hide in a hole somewhere and not come out.

Uhg is that even normal? I've been refering to myself as male for a while now and it feels great usually but suddenly, lately, I just.. ya like I said hide in a hole. Referring to myself as female is no better either.

What is this?

[Kade1985]

Anti-gender?  I have a weird feeling myself when hearing or thinking about myself as a boy or a girl.  Its not the same feeling for both though, the feeling when I'm called a boy is like I'm just so used to it and haven't told anyone otherwise but I don't like it.  The feeling when I'm called a girl just seems awkward like its not me that's being talked about its this other person in my head.  I don't want to be called either.  I also don't like the gender neutral pronouns like hir or nir, they just feel awkward too.  I'm not sure if its the same kind of thing you are feeling but it is frustrating.

I don't think it's anti-genderism or anything like that... But I don't know what to think of it or how to deal with it. Normally I'm comfortable with the male pronouns, that is what I feel I am.. maybe it's... I dunno jitters? Come september I am planning to part time it because my mother doe snot... uh... well it was ugly when I said I feel that I am male on the inside.

But still it's odd to me..