A Friend with Children

[Banshee]

Good friends of mine have been super supportive of me as I transition, but they have not yet told their young (5 and 7) daughters about what's going on. They expect one daughter to be completely accepting right off the bat but the younger one to have a lot of questions and some confusion.

Does anyone have advice on how to make the conversation easier for the kids and the parents, what to do when I first meet them not in boy mode, etc.? I'd love to hear some first-hand experiences.

[suzifrommd]

I think kids that age will be perfectly fine about it. Kids are more resilient than adults, and it's all about them anyway. As long as they get what they need, they generally won't stress about the rest.

If she asks, you can explain that "sometimes a man has to become a woman" which is easily simple enough for a kid to understand. If further clarification is needed, answer the kid's question honestly.

[A]

Don't overestimate a child's memory. I don't know about these, but if you went to me at that age and just suddenly told me you were always a woman, I wouldn't hesitate a second and would believe you.

If you want something a bit safer... Well, you could just say that before you had to look like a man and now you have the right to be normal. That's true. Not all the truth, but no less true.

[Natkat]

I think children can be more easy to get it than adults. If there confussed you simple have to explain them that some little boys grew up to be men and some to be women, or something like that.
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one of my friends younger broter was confussed cause people used diffrent pronouncing to me when I where in the middle of transition, and he got all..

"he? she?? thats so confussing from now on I call you cucumber"

[Theo]

Having friends with children in the age range of 2 1/2 - 6 1/2, I can only relegate my own experience. Basically we've never specifically talked about it, but the first time she saw me in full female clothing (bra, jeans blouse, and skinny jeans) the eldest simply started referring to me as "aunty [my male name]", and she has slowly started to change that latter part. Note that I'm still not full-time, so she is presumably still hearing both my male and female name being toted round. The other kids pretty much took their lead from her, and are surprisingly flexible when it comes to using a "presentation-appropriate" name.

[A]

one of my friends younger broter was confussed cause people used diffrent pronouncing to me when I where in the middle of transition, and he got all..

"he? she?? thats so confussing from now on I call you cucumber"

That's sooo cute.

[barbie]

Even my little daughter sometimes calls me mom, but immediately trying to correct it. I am not in transition, but my clothes and posture seem to confuse her. Nowadays, she scolds me when I cross my legs.

Usually I wear one-piece dresses at home, and my daughter and son play with them. Some dresses are too short for me, but anyway too big for my daughter. It is funny to see her wearing those dresses.

Also she complains that her friends first thought I was her mom.

But anyway I am her dad. She knows well that I love her so much.

barbie~~

[ErinM]

Some close friends of mine have two daughters (3 years and 18 moths) who I consider to be my nieces.

The 18 moth old won't even remember me as a male of course, but for the 3 year old her parents simply told her that Uncle <birthname> used to be a boy and now she's a girl and she's Auntie Erin.

She seemed had no trouble making the adjustment and has consistently getting my name a pronouns right. If only it were that easy for everyone else.