Hey everyone,
I'm a 22 year old hungarian guy. I'm in college right now, I moved from home 2 years ago to start this school and slowly my new life.
The years before my graduation passed with fighting with my parents because of my "lifestyle". I didn't drink, did drugs or any stuff. Maybe I drank a bit more than I should, was out more for a girl. Everything I did was too much or not good enough for a girl. Now, that I live full time as a guy I don't really do anything different and bumm my lifestyle is normal.
I always knew something wasn't okay from the years I can remember but it took me a really long time to admit it to myself. I was on anti depressant pills for years ( still on them, but I need much less and less) and pretty much slept through my life. I slept more than 12 hours a day. Sometimes I felt okay with this but always went to bed wishing that I'll wake up tomorrow as guy and this life was just a crazy dream. In my dreams I was a guy too. I tried to live as a lesbian and kept wondering why do I still hate myself, I moved from home, had friends and a good time in college. Then I tried to get off from the anti depressant pills because of some bad side effects. Stopping it was good for my mind too, came out to my family and started therapy. I got a job so I couldn't go full time, actually I was on T when I could live as a guy.
I'm out to everyone now who matters to me, and almost everyone accepted me and said that they always knew even before me. I lost all my college friends which means I haven't got much people I could talk to except my 2 roommates, my family was far away from me.
I had some rough months because of this. As I accepted myself as a guy, I got in a relationship which had it's ups and downs but it didn't felt fake. That relationship did much good to me, I started to respect myself and I guess started to fall in love. Then she died. It was embolism and fast. I'm not really over her but everyone says with time it'll get better.
This summer I changed my name on everything legally and got back to my family and old friends. I'm working on my college degree and enjoy summer break. I made new friends and am still in touch with the old ones, I'm a bit proud of myself for having social life again and for dealing wit things instead of go to sleep, lol.
From september I go back to college, and plan to get the driver's licence. In february I'll have much exams and need to be ready with the degree work, but after that I can search for a job again.
Surgery wise I'm not running anywhere, I'd like to have all the surgeries to transition fully but I don't feel ready yet AND don't have money for it.
I guess that's it in a nutshell, thanks for reading!
