Anger

[Athena]

Today I got really angry with my bank which as it turns out was unreasonable and I regret making those account managers day a bit more unpleasant. I didn't attack the people on the phone but I did say stuff like apparently the head office didn't want my business.

As per usual my anger eventually turned into strong suicidal thoughts. This happens every time I get really angry.

I was wondering if this ever happens to others.

I have calmed down.

[JLT1]

Do your thoughts occur while you are angry or after you realize that perhaps, the anger was out of proportion to the offense?

If it is the latter, yea, that can happen.

[Athena]

anger then depression. I get angry at something then sometimes that anger turns inwards but when the anger leaves there is always suicidal thoughts.

The unreasonable anger bit was more I felt bad about it ,those people didn't need me complaining about their head office.

[JLT1]

I regret to inform you that you are human.  Don't be so hard on yourself.  I'm also guessing that you are also under some type of stress or stresses that are not connected to the call.

In a very odd occurrence, this actually happened to me while I was writing my response.  I've been trying to get on-line through my companies secure internet connection most of tonight and have been unable to do so.   I've been on hold for quite a while and they finally answered so I stopped my response.  My earlier call about the problem had been escalated by the 24-hour IT help to another group.  I was told they would get back to me shortly.  They did not so I called the help desk again and asked if anyone was working in that group tonight.  I was told no, they would not be back until Monday.  So here it is, 10:00 PM on a Friday and I'm trying to work, getting nowhere and getting bad information from one group and having to go into work because some other group isn't even there. I'm on call, why can't somone else join me in this joyous state?   I wanted to bite the head off the person who I was talking with; a person who actually gave me the correct information.

I started to, paused, apologized, paused and thanked him.  Now, I'm off to work where I will get my work done and where I will make sure that the right group of people get notified about the problems: 1.  Train the staff correctly because had I known that there was no one in there I would have done it already and 2.  This company runs 24-hours a day, seven days a week.  If it isn't warranted that someone be available 24/7 on site, at least make someone on call – as I am on call.  I will also send an email the up the chain emphasizing the problems I faced tonight and what these problems have now caused.  Some of us NEED 24-hour access.

Gotta go.  Just remember, deal with the stressor as much as possible.  And if in a bad situation, pause, breath and then go forward. 

[suzifrommd]

I was wondering if this ever happens to others.

I find the self-loathing I feel after expressing in appropriate or unwarranted anger comes from guilt. I've gotten in the habit of making amends if I think there's even the slightest chance I've harmed someone. Even telling someone I feel bad about what I've said can help us both feel better.

Not a miracle cure, but it does dull the guilt somewhat.

[Athena]

oh I hold on to regrets like cherished treasures. As for expressing anger I don't often do it usually I try to keep it to myself. Take yesterday as an example I consider my behavior unacceptable for saying "they don't seem to pay attention to anything" and "apparently they don't want my business" referring to the head office that was reviewing my account. The people I did loose my temper to probably thought nothing of it as I wasn't directing my hostility towards them.

In a normal case, say that someone in a car almost runs me over. I would get really upset and I would mutter stuff under my breath that would make an exceptionally foul mouthed sailor blush. In an hour or so I would stop being angry and think that it would be much better off for everyone if I wasn't around .

I am not going to continue this post it is starting to make me a bit depressed just giving examples.

[Felix]

It's okay to get angry. Even when your behavior while angered is inappropriate (which it sounds like yours isn't really), it's normal sometimes. Like we all have to deal with ourselves and each other and that can be a tall order on a good day, considering the complexity of society.

The depression after getting angry is a problem I struggle with, but only when I feel like I handled things badly. Like if I get too frustrated and yell at my kid for something that isn't her fault, then I might spend the next hour tired and sad and hating myself if I'm not careful.

You're definitely not alone in what you've described.

[Athena]

For me it's the anger itself that turns to depression, I think it might be my coping mechanism for anger.

[LordKAT]

Depression is often anger turned inward.

[Athena]

yeah that seems to be how it goes, I get angry then anger turns inwards then depressed.

[LordKAT]

This may sound weird, but try to pinpoint the source of your anger, then determine why it makes you angry. sometimes that alone can diffuse it and sometimes it helps you to find a different solution.

[Athena]

A lot of times it builds up through out the day.  Frustration tends to make me more susceptible to loosing my cool.

[LordKAT]

That would also be normal but each piece of frustration is a  point to diffuse. Meditation can help, avoiding some of the points that frustrate you can help. Acceptance of things that you can not change will help. All little things but they all add up.

[Athena]

Yeah the worst part is once I start to get frustrated things really don't seem to go my way. A lot of times it's because I am upset and make mistakes but a lot of times it is stuff that is out of my control that all seem to go wrong the same day.

[Jamie D]

Anger has very real physiological effects, causes complex biochemical reactions, and often results in depression-like feelings.

It should come as no surprise that, in large clinical studies, those people with "the highest levels of anger had twice the risk of coronary artery disease and three times the risk of heart attack, as compared to the subjects with the lowest levels of anger."

Read more here:

http://science.howstuffworks.com/life/inside-the-mind/emotions/anger2.htm

[Athena]

I wouldn't say that I am a super angry person, I generally don't get that angry. Most times I am more frustrated then angry. By far my worse problem right now is depression.


Oh yes thanks for the link

[Athena]

That post was useful. It made me more aware of how other peoples actions can make me angry and why. I tend to get angry at stuff like people at the bank having a talk where the line is supposed to form (are they in line or not) or letting a lady go in front of me into the aisle of a grocery store only to have her block the entire aisle with her cart. To my shame I am selfish and only really notice this when it happens to me though I do try not to act like this for others myself.
In the end I feel like these people don't consider me equal to them that I am a lesser being maybe even sub human. Now I may have a low opinion of myself but even I think I deserve basic human decency but then after stuff like this happens it maybe does make me question if I even deserve that.

As for talking to the people that irritate me I know I am over reacting and it just isn't worth the BS I'd have to go through trying to talk to them so I really don't have much of an outlet.

[Athena]

Well apparently anger has some uses, totally forgot about the dysphoria that I was feeling today.

[Felix]

Well apparently anger has some uses, totally forgot about the dysphoria that I was feeling today.

Anger can be super useful if it's channelled carefully.

[Jessica Merriman]

The great thing about you is you posted here to get help and guidance instead of acting rashly and doing something that can't be reversed. I would say you are maturing quite well and showing good judgment. Anger gets the best of us all, it's how you manage it and deal with it that separates you from the rest. Good job!