Can't Sleep

[Carley Anne D]

Hey everybody, as stated in the topic name, I can't sleep. I've been having a hard time lately, I hope by posting this i'll get some magical answer to all my problems... If not, a little venting never hurt anyone, right? OK, my gender therapist has been dealing with her own family problems, so I haven't been able to have appointments. I'm not on hormones yet, and with how long this process is taking it will probably be a while before I can finally start... Any conversation I have with a supporting adult about my dysphoria ends with the inevitable "I have no idea but I want to seem like I know something" answer, which is "You can't let your dysphoria control your life". OK, I don't believe I have any options when it comes to this... I can't afford breast forms, my hair is too short, i'm tall, I don't weigh much for my height, but I hate my stomach, and if I lose my stomach weight i'll lose the pathetically minuscule amount of chest fat I have. Oh, and anytime I wear girls clothes, WHICH NEVER ->-bleeped-<-ING FIT BECAUSE THEY'RE PRACTICALLY ALL HANDED DOWN FROM MY GOD D*MN MOTHER OR FROM GOODWILL, make me even more dysphoric because they're all meant for women... Oh, and i'm completely unstable all the time, my anger flies at literally anyone stupid enough to go around me anymore... AND I FEEL LIKE I NEED TO CRY BUT I CAN'T!!! Everyone always tells me it will get better, what about now? I'm completely screwed... Please, anything helps, comments appreciated, thanks in advance...

[sushitime]

Melatonin is an effective sleep aid and it doesn't require a prescription.

[Sarah]

Hi Carley

I am at pretty much the same stage as you and I cant sleep either its just weird isn't it? I know your stressed and have a lot of things going on, but you need to press on. If you have a close friend you have told speak to them. ask them the questions you are asking yourself. Like I had this convo not half an hour ago with a friend I've come out to. I asked him "I cant sleep I am constantly thinking about wanting to be a women and hating my body. Can you think of anything as to why I shouldn't go through with a transition?" I know this seems counter-intuitive but hear me out. Get their answers and then try and dispute them if you cant get a answer concentrate on trying to see why, and if you can dispute them then relax there is no need to stress because you will get to your goal.

As for the clothes try redoing your measurements and heading to the next city/town across with your mum to do some shopping. That way you dont know anyone and you can get something that was bought to fit YOU. Also just let it out honey there is no need to bottle up those emotions we all do it (culprit number one here ) but we need to let them out sometimes or its just builds up till we cant handle it anymore and explode.

Best of luck honey

Hugs
Andria

[mrs izzy]

Oh, and i'm completely unstable all the time, my anger flies at literally anyone stupid enough to go around me anymore... AND I FEEL LIKE I NEED TO CRY BUT I CAN'T!!! Everyone always tells me it will get better, what about now? I'm completely screwed... Please, anything helps, comments appreciated, thanks in advance...

Seems we all have to hold on and wait, wait and then wait somemore at times to get to the next step of things. I understand the need for the Gatekeepers but they also need to respect our health and mental needs. I know all about getting hard to sleep sometimes. There is so much running through your mind its hard to settle.

What i did or came up with in the times of "what about now? I'm completely screwed" was make a outlet that i could do with out thinking that made me happy inside. For me it was retail therapy. I went shopping and i did it as myself everytime. It kinda of did 2 things one made me happy i was getting a new item for my wardrobe. Second it made the fear i had about being myself in public less of a issue. You can come up with your own needs, but it has to be something that you can get into that happy place. All this is hard to deal with at moments in time, but not to be a broken record but it also has a lot of great moments. Once things settle on this end sleep will become easier. I would stay away from any sleep drugs, not a great idea when you are feeling unstable. So take a walk, read a book, go shopping, visit a friend, go dancing but do not go to a bar lol..


Lots of luck, take a few deep breaths and take the next step.
Hugs
Izzy

[Oriah]

I second the melatonin supplements.....or velarian pills....both can be found in the supplement aisle, and can be used together.....I take them right when I lay down to sleep if I ever have troubles and it puts me right out

[DrBobbi]

Treating your insomnia can be as easy as placing you on hormone replacement therapy. One of the hallmarks of our "gift," and I do believe it can be a gift, is a form of OCD that makes it difficult to fall asleep..to shut down our brains. HRT can alliviate the Basil Ganglion OCD loop, as I call it, and allow a peaceful sleep. The second night on HRT I had the most peaceful sleep-Ever. In fact, just recently I felt the insomnia return, signaling the need for another Estradiol implant, which my endocrinologist John O'Dea painlessly implanted in just minutes.  That was two days ago and last night I couldn't keep my eyes open after 11PM.

Another reason to start HRT.

[Carley Anne D]

Melatonin is an effective sleep aid and it doesn't require a prescription.

I've been taking melatonin for years, I take two five (I think it's grams feel free to correct me) pills, and it doesn't seem to have the same effect it used to. Also, I can't get a job, my mom's disabled, and my father works for the city fixing sewer pipes... So as tempting retail therapy sounds, not in the cards yet unfortunately...  Oh, and unfortunately my gender therapist, who called the endocrinologist here five months ago, hasn't gotten a reply from him...

[Ltl89]

I've been taking melatonin for years, I take two five (I think it's grams feel free to correct me) pills, and it doesn't seem to have the same effect it used to. Also, I can't get a job, my mom's disabled, and my father works for the city fixing sewer pipes... So as tempting retail therapy sounds, not in the cards yet unfortunately...  Oh, and unfortunately my gender therapist, who called the endocrinologist here five months ago, hasn't gotten a reply from him...

I'm an insomniac myself.  I got to the point where I began to take 20 mg of melatonin just to get to sleep.  That's not a good thing.  Honestly, your body shouldn't need more than 5 mg.  If you need a quick knock out thing over the counter, there is advil pm or benadryl, but you don't want to have to depend on them.  Maybe you should see your primary physician and see if you can get something for insomnia or anxiety.  It's probably terrible advice, but I know what it's like to be desperate for just an hour of sleep.    I'm starting melatonin again tonight as I can't get to sleep without something to help.  I was doing okay for some time, but I have been having major anxiety problems about stuff and it keeps me up all night.   So I'm not one to give advice and I'm probably saying the wrong things; however, I want to let you know that you aren't alone. 

[Christine167]

Oh I know that feeling. It's rough but you need to take the time to break some of it down and pick something that you can work on and do now. Like finding a job and continuing to do do well in school if that is where you are.

If clothes ill fit the get yourself a proper tape measure and cruise eBay. Once I found my sizes I found that clothes there could be found far cheaper than at the outlets and I didn't have to put up with ridicule using a dressing room.

Just little stuff like that. It's really all that you can do is to complete small tasks to keep yourself going and motivated. I mean I understand completely as I just started hormones yesterday and other than being a little sick I can now sleep like a baby. Before I was in the same boat over thinking everything down to the last penny spent and where my time should be. I would be up at night watching eBay auctions and organizing piles of things I knew would sell at a second hand store. And every time something didn't sell it was horrid. Now on the hormones everything just seems so much more relaxed and my work load/life feels so much more in perspective and manageable. So it's hard but hang in there. Eventually you will see progress towards transition in one form or another and that always feels so good.

Now while you try to sleep just rest even if you can't sleep. It's better than nothing. Hugs okay. I so promise that this gets better. Either that or that's just what it feels like to have that type A personality stick pulled out of my butt.