I don't have anyone to talk to and shrinks can't relate, so I'm going to vent. Bear with me.
I'm a very patient person. Really, I am. But since about the beginning of this year I've been running out until now I just wake up in the mornings and wish I could sleep the day off. My chest bothers me that much. I did spend about a week doing exactly that, waking up and then sleeping most of the day off. Some days are better but it seems it's getting longer in between the good days and at least once or twice a week now I have really bad nights where I just scream at someone and then cry myself to sleep.
It sucks even more because I'm not a crying person, I'm a very manly man type guy and all that so while I'm crying, I'm still beating myself for crying as if the chest wasn't bad enough. Last night was one of those episodes, brought on by having to go out where people know me and call me she. There's at least two guys and a lady that call me what I want to be called but that ended up just making it worse and now I'm thinking I need to quit being around family and family friends. I just can't deal with that right now.
This isn't me. I could be a much better person. I could be getting things done, but no, I'm stuck hiding this goddang...mess. Today is another day I drag myself through, feeling nothing. Like just put me out of this misery, what's the point? Literally all I want is to be able to hug people. Actually hug someone full on and mean it. A simple, basic human thing.
