So, it was recently brought to my attention through PM that I've never officially introduced myself. So, I guess I'm going to actually officially introduce myself. I mean, I have nothing else to do and classes don't start until tomorrow morning!
So, umm, hi! I've never read another intro and have no clue where to start. First off, I'm a complete dork. Sonic the Hedgehog was my very first video game and I've been playing Pokemon since its US release when I was six. I spend quite a bit of time on Steam (under the same username), most of which is in either Dark Souls or Skyrim (modded to smithereens, of course!).
It's a challenge for me to engage in dialogue about my life when, up until now, it's always been fairly bland. I attended a public school in Generic Small Town, Illinois and still have the same four friends as I did back then. Nothing was too far from the norm (for a feminine guy, at least) until I first attempted at attending a four-year college, but was forced to drop the semester after spending a week in the hospital for suicide related topics. This was one of the first times I realized how much I would rather be a girl and how much the general population attempts to dance around transgender related topics; I was forced into taking a test to help the psychiatrist determine my background and general stances on life. Though I answered every gender related question as "Female," it was never brought up by them when they eventually read through it. At this point, I had been researching trans related topics on Youtube and various forums, but I was always too nervous to bring it up with my own will. When I later came out to my parents after having a few surprisingly encouraging months with a small town therapist (who diagnosed me with Gender Dysphoria during my second appointment), they were baffled. This was actually the second time I tried to explain this to them; the first time, prior to leaving for college, I was told, "well, yerr a man! Men don't feel like that - they suck it up and move on!" Eventually, when I took them in for a group therapy appointment to help them understand by witnessing the situation from a professional's view, my dad called me a "transvestite," "gay," and told me I would "die of AIDS." In July, a few months later, I was evicted from my home for having a "mental DISORDER (EMPHASIS!!!)," but was welcomed back in the next night...little do they know, I began a full-blow regimen of HRT that very night.
I've noticed a few, minor changes since then; I was greeted by lower backaches immediately after starting Spiro (I was told this has something to do with tendons readjusting, so I accepted it and moved on without much worry), morning sickness within the first few days of implementing Estradiol into my routine, all of the acne on my chest, shoulders and back was eradicated after two-to-three weeks, my nipples became sore around the first month, and my skin is incredibly soft (though this could be a placebo -- I've always had pretty soft skin and hair. Thanks, naturally low Testosterone!).
I spend half my time obsessing over whether or not I'm going to be a pretty girl and the other half trying to figure out my fluid, inconsistent sexuality. I totally want to just call myself a Lesbian and be done with it, but the feeling always flip-flops after a few days. Then again in another couple days. Cycle repeats, I became frustrated, etc. Some months, I can accept that it's healthy and not even a minor deal - others, it just stresses me to no end.
Did I mention I plan to be MtAtF? Because that's totally my plan. I don't have much dysphoria when thinking about myself as a boy, but knowing that I could one day look like a man is an automatic trigger/"abort life" button. If I have to live my life as a feminine "twink," so be it. I might even enjoy that a bit. If I can pass as a women after HRT and FFS, even better!
ummm...what else...I chose my username because I can be a bit of a romantic with skylines. If I see a beautiful sunset, or even a gorgeous cloud arrangement, I can get lost in thought for hours.
I'm majoring in Computer Science and minoring in Game Design, but I'd love to be a Game Designer/Writer-slash-novelist. The Computer Science major is only there to ensure I have career options down the line (which may be necessary, what with the game industry's likelihood of crashing relatively soon).
Lastly, tomorrow will be my first day of official attendance at Elmhurst College in Illinois. If anyone else comes here, please PM me! I'm really in need of some friends right now. I feel like such an outcast every time I go to the dining hall alone.
So...yeah, I guess that's it. I might edit things in later if I think of anything worth mentioning. In the meantime, off to explore campus so I'll actually know where I'm going tomorrow!
