New and Confused

[Alena43]

I am a 43yr old male who has always thought and believed that I was born the wrong sex. I have not been able to do anyhting about my gid until now due to life circumstances. I am seeing a gender therapist. I have done alot of reading on research on this subject. I also took the cogaitti test on transsexual.org and the results were classic ts. I have also been looking into transformation salons and plan on going to one soon hopefully. After getting the results of the cogaitti it was suggested that I might try taking hormones for a short period of timew to see if I felt right while taking them. I have considered this, but I am not sure what to do. I have a 14yr old son that I am not sure how he would react or if he colud take me coming out or deciding to transition. I want to find out who and what I really am so I can have some peace in my head and heart. I aam pretty sure that I am ts, but I don't even no where to start. I am looking for people like me to talk to for support and some help becoming the woman that I believe I should be.
Alena

[tinkerbell]

Hi Alena and welcome to Susan's!

Thank you for your introduction.  There's plenty of valuable information as well as members in different stages of transition here at Susan's.  So please take a few moments to get familiar with the site, review the site rules and take advantage of our many resources such as the wiki, chat, and the links listed at the main page.  We look forward to your future posts and participation.  Enjoy your stay!

tink

[Ms.Behavin]

Hi Alena

Well, I just got back from spending fathers day with my three children, who live near Kansas city.  (Ages 16,15 and 12) The 12 year old is fine with me, we still have fun.  The two oldest, well their dad was always weird, but now I've taken it to a new level, in their eyes.  Their concern I think is being see with me in public and meeting a friend.  It is a factor for them. It was not all that easy a trip and I'm not sure when the next one will be.  When I told them in april about me being TS, they were pretty cool.  A few months later and reality is hitting home for them.  It's not easy, but its not always hard either.   

That said, I would still have transitioned, it's who I am and better me as me then as a lie.  Though not everyone in my small family agrees with me.

One thing with HRT,  It's harder for people who see you every day to spot changes as it's pretty gradual.  Though breasts will tend to give it away after some time.  It's the people that don't see you but once every 4-6 months that will notice first. 

Anyway got questions, Ask away, and good luck with what ever you decide.

Beni

[Alena43]

Thank you for sharing your experiencewith your kids with me,  and transitioning it gives me some hope. I have so many questions I don't even know where to start. I need all of the help I can get with dressing, makeup, etc. Is taking hormones for a short period of time a good idea to help me in deciding whether taking them makes me feel right? I took one step today which i didn't think that I would do and that is I bought some nair and removed all of the hair off of my arms,legs,chest, stomach, etc. I am so glad I did it it feels so good to have silky smooth legs, arms, and chest. I am not sure what I am going to say when my son sees me, but I will deal with.
Alena

[rhondabythebay]

Welcome to Susan's Alena.

My kids, 21 and 14, are supportive of my transition and have always thought I was different than most fathers. That said, they don't always talk to me about their difficulties with it, but their mother is right here to talk to. Of course I still sometimes have problems feeling guilty that I may be impacting their lives negatively, that is counter balanced by my increased happiness at being myself. They have lived with my depression too...I'm sure they prefer what is happening now.

As for help, the wiki and forums have a ton of info or just post a question in the help and how to forum.
Nice to meet you and good luck on your new life.

Hugs,

Rhonda

[LostInTime]

Welcome to Susan's.

I was very much in denial and in a tailspin when I visited my first therapist. When I saw her for the first time I stated that I had no idea where I was in the spectrum and that I was just looking at finding a way to live comfortably as myself. things worked out pretty well since then for me.

Find a gender specialist somewhere in your area, make an appointment, and go from there. Just be sure to be honest with yourself and the therapist.

[Kate]

Hi Alena, and welcome!

You'll find that most of us have struggled with these same questions, so don't worry: you're FAR from alone in this.

Are you happy with your current therapist? He/she is usually your best bet for figuring out what you need, and how to get there.

And by all means, read around the forum as much as you can! You'll find SUCH a wealth of experiences here, both good and bad. I honestly don't think I could have transitioned without the support and information I found here... or at least it wouldn't have been nearly as smooth as it's been.

Deciding to transition is a monumental decision (though many will say it's inevitable if you're transsexual, and not a "decision" at all), so just allow yourself time to really, REALLY come to terms with who you are. Hasten slowly, as they say

I'm looking forward to hearing more about you!

~Kate~

[HelenW]

Welcome, Alena!

I can't add much to the very good advice you've received already.  I hope you find the same kind of blessings I've found from visiting this site.

I'm happy to make your acquaintance, Alena, and I hope we'll all get to know each other a little better real soon

 
hugs & smiles
Emelye

[Jillieann Rose]

Hello Alena,
It's good to meet you.
Oh I want to add a little bit of caution to all that was said.
Some people even family will not accept you.
My sons who are in there 20's and 30's decided that I was crazy.
Had to back off or lose them. My youngest wouldn't even talk to me.
Yes it's a horror story.
I believe the younger the child the easier it will be for them to accept it.
I hope it goes well with you.
Welcome to Susan's.
Jillieann

[Alena43]

Thank you for all of your support and wonnderful advice. I also look forward to learing more about each one of you as you get to know me better. Here are a few more details about me I am 6'3 and about 210lbs. I am truck driver so it is very hard to keep any feminine articles on my truck. I  love my therapist she is taking this very slowly with me and ahe told me right from the beinning that I did not have to come to ant major conclusions right away. She asked me to just let myself imagine being female if even for a brief period of time. I have been trying to do this and the first night after allowing myself to imagine being female. I had very intense dream about being ts so intense that I woke up thinking that I had transitioned. Up to this point I woould only dream or think about this, but as soon as I tried to make even the smallesr decision, fear would take over and I wouldn't do antyhing. I have not been at peace with myself for a very longtime and I believe that most of that inner turmoil is from avoiding looking at being  ts/tg. I have also not been able to due any exploartion due to being married until about two years ago. I did do something yesterday that I was sure when I spoke to my therapist last week that there was no way I would do and that is I bought some nair and removed the hair from my legs,arms,chest, etc. I am so glad that I did this my legs and arms feel so mooth, that even if I decide not to transition I will remain hairless in those areas. Well here are a few more things about me. I started dressing in female clothes by the time I was 10 and did so whenever I could get away with. It always felt natural, but then also sometimes I felt ashamed and wondered what was wrong with me. I always dressed as female on Halloween because that was only time that I could do it without anyone questioning what i was doing. I have always had more females as friends. I never dated much in school and after, I was always just good friends with the females around me. I am very sensitive.  I have had three failed marriages and i have always belived that they failed because I could not give all of me to them and i was not happy with who I was. Well that is enough for now. I would love to talk to all of you ladies tonight. I am sitting in my truck at truck stop and this is usually how I spend my off time online, but until now I have not had anyone who knows how I feel and has been there to share with. Thank you once again for making me feel at home and so welcome. I hope to hear from you soon.
Alena