Passing as male for a job interview?

[bethany]

Jo I think that you need to be true to yourself. Do you see yourself as male or female? If female would you feel comfortable enough presenting as male to not have the dysphoria rear it's ugly head? Only you know the answers, we can only give you advice and be here as support. I wish you the best on this interview.

[Joanna Dark]

Jo I think that you need to be true to yourself. Do you see yourself as male or female? If female would you feel comfortable enough presenting as male to not have the dysphoria rear it's ugly head? Only you know the answers, we can only give you advice and be here as support. I wish you the best on this interview.

Thanks. That's a good question. And one I can't answer. I've been pretty much full time for like three months and i go out and everyone treats me like a woman and I pass enough to meet men who seem to like me, which make me act even more feminine, and I love it and see myself as female but in the end yeah I could go back to being male. I could cut my hair. I would pass as male basically. A femme male but male. I could go back to bars and pick up women and take them home. I could do all that. I just don't think I'd be very happy and I'd most likely need some drugs. Prolly even more then before now that I know how great transitioning is.

[Sammy]

but in the end yeah I could go back to being male. I could cut my hair. I would pass as male basically. A femme male but male. I could go back to bars and pick up women and take them home. I could do all that. I just don't think I'd be very happy and I'd most likely need some drugs. Prolly even more then before now that I know how great transitioning is.

Oh, really? Dear, I think those are delusions. You are much further into the HRT and I suspect that cutting Your hair will make You cry and put You in depression before You even get so far as to hit bars and try picking some chicks up. If You are truly TG/TS - and we both know the answer - as soon as we pass that final milestone there is no turning back. We might call that de-transitioning or make up any other fancy names, but that would be just a pathetic attempt to play another male role in that life long play, where we all usually start our lives - until we make effort to change something. Nope, having tested that Eve's apple, there is no turning back and I cant even imagine what would happen to me if I would allow my system to be run by T. I dont even want to think about, because that makes me shiver.

Btw, after all this fuss here - I am sure we all wanna know how Your job interview went

[Joanna Dark]

I'm actually pretty sure now that the owner of the magazine is gay. I know she isn't married and I remember my old boss saying something, kind of. I know she wrote a paper in 1988 challenging gender sterotypes and another on lesbians and drinking/bars/dating.

Oh, really? Dear, I think those are delusions. You are much further into the HRT and I suspect that cutting Your hair will make You cry and put You in depression before You even get so far as to hit bars and try picking some chicks up. If You are truly TG/TS - and we both know the answer - as soon as we pass that final milestone there is no turning back.

Well that's why I'd need the drugs. And I don't mean marijuana. But that's not going to happen cause I am just going to go and be myself. I'll wear a suit and might trim my hair but it needs to be trimmed. Nothings drastic. I'd take off like a 1/4 inch. I'm not going to hide how feminine I am. I'm not like a flamig or anything but acting any other way is just that an act.

I think being myself is the best path forward because then I'll be smiling and enthusiastic and happy and that's what people want to be around. My BF  said I am very lovable and adorable person so why would I want to hide the one quality that makes people like me. I'm feeling a lot better about it. I don't know if they will notice I am on HRT or not. They will notice I look like a woman and act like one. But it's a 99 percent femle-dominated office. so there's that. I want to fit in.

Plus, it'll be really hard to stop acting like a woman as I have been full-time for three months and I just don't see going back coming off as confident. And that's what you need in an interview: confidence. I mean why can't things go my way? I think they can and I think they will.

But I'll let you know tomorrow at 4 p.m. what happened!

[Shantel]

Can't wait, but I know it will go well for you girlfriend!

[Joanna Dark]

Thanks. I'm just going to smile, be enthusiastic, and let them know how much I want the job and how I am the most-qualified person for it. The more I look into it, the more socially liberal this compnay seems. It's located in the Gayborhood. That's not an accident. Plus, when I act like myself, people really like me. When I act like a man, people really dislike me. Plus, it's a woman's magazine and going in there acting like a macho man would destroy my chances. The main article in the last tissue was about periods and women's hormones! I might not know much about the former, but I am a self-certified expert on the latter.

I also heavily doubt they are expecting a very manly person. This isn't a job a very manly person would apply for. And they must know how I completely feminized the magazine I worked for. I wrote about fashion and beauty all the time. I imagine they are expecting someone who is feminine or gay, as most cis men don't have a long history of writing about periods and working for women's magazines, not would they want to. I just watched a movie the other day where this guy was continually made fun of for working for a company that promoted women's issues. And he hated it. But I don't. This is bascially a dream come true for me if I get the job. I have literally dreamt that a job would open up there and they'd hire me. Heck, it's in Philly they may even pay for my sex change for the tax breaks. The owner is a lesbian and promoter of gender rights.

I'm soooooooooo excited. I'm not going to be help but smile. Excpet I'll be wearing a suit. how horrid? I am going to look like one of those actresses in those movies where a woman pretends to be a man. I wore the suit and that's how I looked. My face needs to play catch up to my body but my body, except for that one horrible inch, is 100 percent femme. I could do web cam work. In fact, if don't get this job that is what i am going to do. My BF said I could def do it i just need to get my teeth whitened and he is not the type of person to placate someone. he would not tell me I could do it if I could not. He said yeah you def could.

[Joanna Dark]

I don't want to make assumptions about your boyfriend, but he sounds a bit cold if he is willing to drop you like that and rarely finds time for you.  IT doesn't matter if you are trans.  You will find someone who respects you.  Do you feel your boyfriend does?  That's important to know.  If he doesn't, I wouldn't worry about him and would further investigate if that's a relationship worth investing more time in. Again, I don't know everything, so I don't want to make assumptions. Just some food for thought.

By the way, my friend is trans and her boyfriend is always begging her to spend more time together.

Well everything is good again. really it was me being a crazy chick. All he wanted to do is hang out with his friend and go to a bar. having me there would dampen that. I have to remember I am a girl now, and his girl, so he is going to need space and want guys nights.

I mean the other day we went out to dinner and afterwards we walking around the city holding hands and he even danced with me in the streets and then we slept together, nothing happened other then cuddling and me rubbing his back. But really he treats so nice and respects me and tells me how talented I am and really is very supportive of me. The other day I cut my feet on these ballet flats. I shouldn't have bought them but they didn't have an 8 1/2. Only an * and they ran small. But he was all telling me to change my shoes and got neosporin and stuff. When I was with my ex, I stepped on a piece of glass and she didn't care or do anything. her friend stitched me up. So that says a lot to me: he really cares.

I just need to take it slow. he likes independence. But he talks to me everyday and always makes an effort to call me no matter what. Things will progress at its own pace nautrally. I am going to let it happen. Not force it. Plus, I love him so much and he knows it and though he doesn't say it, the things he does speak otherwise. Actions peak louder then words. Gawd, how strange. With my ex, I said the other thing but meant she said she loves me but doesn't act it. He doesn't say it but acts like it. Really at the end of the day he makes me feel so happy and safe.

[Joanna Dark]

well it went well and I think I may get the job. The editor seemed to really like me and the owner told me to send references and asked when I could start. I def passed as a man, how could I not i a suit, i mean really? Though several like more than four or five men stared at me the way men stare at me now. So I dont know what that means. I mean my face is femme but with the suit and all, it hides my body and I would bet some cis girls with short hair could pass in a suit. the one woman in the interview did look at my boobs. the shirt hid them well but I had to take off my suit jacket. I was leaning forward and they rested on the table. Oh well. But it went well. Plus I have another interview with the Buffalo exchange and for that i would stright up go how I dress since I buy my clothes from them. It's a high fashion store that sellls used clothes but only name brands like chanel and so on and so forth. So being trans wouldn't hurt me there.

[Shantel]

well it went well and I think I may get the job. The editor seemed to really like me and the owner told me to send references and asked when I could start. I def passed as a man, how could I not i a suit, i mean really? Though several like more than four or five men stared at me the way men stare at me now. So I dont know what that means. I mean my face is femme but with the suit and all, it hides my body and I would bet some cis girls with short hair could pass in a suit. the one woman in the interview did look at my boobs. the shirt hid them well but I had to take off my suit jacket. I was leaning forward and they rested on the table. Oh well. But it went well. Plus I have another interview with the Buffalo exchange and for that i would stright up go how I dress since I buy my clothes from them. It's a high fashion store that sellls used clothes but only name brands like chanel and so on and so forth. So being trans wouldn't hurt me there.

Sounds like it went well, "how soon can you start" is always an extremely positive sign. We'll keep fingers crossed, let us know!

[Jenny07]

Jo

It sounds like it went very well.

Interviews are hard to tell. I never assume with them that is unless I am the one interviewing. Then I know halfway through one way or the other.
When can you start is always a positive sign.

Did she let you know how long it would be before they made a decision? Always a good question to ask.
The stares are just guys checking out a new face.

Last Job interview I had, I had not even gotten home and they were already on the phone!
Talk about fast.
I have had some go for 15 minutes and I got the job!

Looks like the BF issues was an overactive mind.

Anyway looks like things are looking much better than a few days ago.

[Joanna Dark]

The stares are just guys checking out a new face.

To be truthful, I was kinda sorta hoping that I would get gendered female even in a suit. But I got called sir. Maybe someday I'll pass in a suit. Prolly not. Guess my face isn't femme enough.

[Jenny07]

I was kinda sorta hoping that I would get gendered female even in a suit.

You never know

[kathyk]

Been trying to remember to follow your thread Joanna, and when I checked back it's great to hear the results of your interview.  I'll keep my fingers crossed. 

[Murbella]

Sounds like things went swimmingly, I eagerly await news and will cross my fingers for you.

[Joanna Dark]

Well they got back to me and I have to take an editing test. And the editor wants my references. So, as long as I do okay on the test, i pretty much have the job. But her exact words were we'd like to move forward and they enjoy'd meeting me. But I'm not breaking out the Champagne just yet.

I just wonder if they noticed anything funny about me. I find kinda hard for them to not notice I'm 30 and have zero facial hair (I plucked it. All of it), I am 130 lbs, and look like a woman. Plus, I just noticed my Google account has a picture of me where I look pretty femme and was gendered female 100 percent of the time. So if I got the job I would be back to the "what do I wear" question? This time a lot harder cause I won't be able to have two shirts on and a suit jacket to cover my boobs. And that didn't even work fully.

[Shantel]

Well they got back to me and I have to take an editing test. And the editor wants my references. So, as long as I do okay on the test, i pretty much have the job. But her exact words were we'd like to move forward and they enjoy'd meeting me. But I'm not breaking out the Champagne just yet.

I just wonder if they noticed anything funny about me. I find kinda hard for them to not notice I'm 30 and have zero facial hair (I plucked it. All of it), I am 130 lbs, and look like a woman. Plus, I just noticed my Google account has a picture of me where I look pretty femme and was gendered female 100 percent of the time. So if I got the job I would be back to the "what do I wear" question? This time a lot harder cause I won't be able to have two shirts on and a suit jacket to cover my boobs. And that didn't even work fully.

Joanna,
       Given all you have said about the company, it's location, the woman who runs it, and the very nature of the business, I think your concerns about looking like a woman or a person in transition will be a moot point. It sounds like you will have the job and fit in there nicely. Don't allow yourself to get overwrought thinking about negative possibilities because you'll be making a mountain out of nothing. Keep us posted, we're all interested in you getting gainfully employed and being a success.

[carol_w]

Joanna,
I bet that in spite of saying "Sir" to you, they know what's happening to you (transition).  I've found that people with hiring responsibility have a sixth sense to detect a person's "true colors".  I do not think that your transition would be any surprise to them, and given their market, might generate a few raised eyebrows but little else.  IMHO, this would probably be the best new job to have if one had to "come out" not long after being hired.  Best of luck to you - I hope you get it.

[BunnyBee]

I would have recommended telling them you are in transition before the first interview, but now that you did the first one as male, I don't know exactly what I would do if I were in your shoes.   Safest thing would be to wait at least a while, but I feel like the most honest thing would to just be upfront with them if you feel like they would take it well.

In either case don't go back to trying to be male full-time or anything like that, it would be too hard on you.  If you seem pretty girly maybe it will bring up a conversation eventually where you can explain everything, and why you didn't feel right about disclosing upfront?  I actually am not sure what to tell ya, other than I would just tell them soon as you feel safe it won't cost you the job.

[Joanna Dark]

In either case don't go back to trying to be male full-time or anything like that, it would be too hard on you.  If you seem pretty girly maybe it will bring up a conversation eventually where you can explain everything, and why you didn't feel right about disclosing upfront?  I actually am not sure what to tell ya, other than I would just tell them soon as you feel safe it won't cost you the job.

Yeah I don't know what to do. I mean I def come of pretty girly. I think. But the idea of going back to male full time makes me want to vomit. I need the job, so I guess I can go part-time for a bit. Though I am not sure what the dress code is. Part of me feels like they had to notice something was off in that I look like a girl and I act very enthusiastic about things.

I just hope it's not business casual then I would have to wear a button down shirt, dress shoes and slacks. ACK. I don't think it is though. I'm actually kinda hoping they bring it up. I know I saw the one woman who was interviewing me stare at my chest when I leaned over. But she could have wrote it off as the shirt bunching up. But then again by looking at my face and my hair style and overall build, maybe she didn't. If I get hired, I will ask how I should dress and i guess I'll know then. If they know or think something is amiss, they seem like very strong women so I figure they will say something.

[Isabelle]

What's wrong with just being honest? If anyone asks anything just smile and say you're medically transitioning. How long do you think you can hide it anyway?