Hi everybody
First of all, english is not my first language so i'm sorry if i pick the the wrong words that might be offensive or just completely wrong. I hope you guys understand me just fine.
my name is emma, i'm asian 23 years old, raise and born in Indonesia. do you know Indonesia? here's some picture of me
Being a transexual in here is very difficult, because my country is very religious it has the most moslem population in the world. And my family is counted as very religious in religious country. And i have 4 brothers, no sister.. so that makes it harder. Actually until now only my mother knows about my condition, one step at a time.
i always feel different since i was in 4th grade but i don't know what is wrong with me, i don't even know what transexual is. All i know is i like to wear my mother's clothes and make up. Then come the rebellion phase (highschool) where i have to be tough so i begin working out but i can't have a muscle like my friends had, sure my biceps is getting bigger but my body is just different.
The urge become more intense day by day, i thought having girlfriend would help but no (actually i never enjoy kissing a girl, it feels weird). then in my 20, i began to know who i really am i'm starting to learn what's happening to me. then i feel so depressed, i can't sleep i can't eat i can't focus and i'm feeling suicidal. So i came out of the closet, i tell my mother about my condition and she cried. Everytime she saw me i can see the sadness in her eyes T_T
So i began to see a psychiatrist. she gave me antidepressant and xanax for the depression and tell me that i have to accept who i am first. then everything gets better, i feel happier that i know i am woman and i dont have to be a man.
this is the third weeks of my hormones therapy (the photo was me on two weeks hrt). i hope everything gets better.
i really glad i found you guys..from what i see so far you guys are wonderfull
