So it has been almost eight months since I have started hormones and I am still feeling rather dysphoric and bad about my body. It isn't due to impatience but rather knowing that I was born male and didn't do anything about my gender dysphoria until I was 21. I wish to death that I did it when I was younger so that I didn't have to go through puberty and let testosterone take its course. I'm always nitpicking my masculine features such as my muscles, broad shoulders, small hips, etc. It's just hard to focus on the good when all I am seeing is a genetic male looking back at me. There are honestly days where I wish to drink or start self harming again but I know that either will lead down a bad path and that they're terrible ways of coping. I'm only going through transition because i don't want to even think about the alternative, to me being a trans woman, though no where near ideal, is many, many times better than living as a man.
