Going to a therapist, unsure of what to expect

[Zoe Louise Taylor]

Hiya

Im going to see a therapist for the first time next Thursday, and although she doesn't specialise in gender dysphoria, she has dealt with the subject before.

The main thing i want to gain from therapy at the moment is just someone to talk to and perhaps a shoulder to cry on! Im not at this moment looking to be put straight onto hormones. But at the same time i really don't want to be told i'm not transexual . . . as i really do feel that i am!!!! I just feel, at this moment in time i need to sort my head out a bit, as this feeling of anxiety and hating myself is becoming too difficult to handle on my own.

I feel once i have done that, then i will look to come out and start my transition!

Im soooo nervous about this huge step in my life and im really unsure of what to expect from councelling.

So, how did your first therapy session go? And what should i expect from a good therapist?

Much love and hugs
Zoe
Xx

[Erin Brianne]

Hi Zoe!  I was in your same situation last week.  I have had these feelings for many years and finally saw my first therapist last week.  My therapist has dealt with gender for many years but I still didnt know what to expect.  I went in with a clear head and was honest in every question she asked me.  It turned out to be a very informative session as she verified most if my feelings.  I also went dressed as female and that was also my first time out in public as a woman.  She knew right away what my intentions were and what I wanted. I guess the best advice is to be honest with yourself and to your therapist.  Just be yourself!

[Kia]

My therapist was also not a gender specialist but she had dealt with it. I second Erin's point about honesty to all parties involved. During my first appointment I was super nervous but it wasn't what I expected since she didn't really ask me to many questions, like three tops. She just let me talk and talk, she would ask questions and contribute suggestions but it was mostly just me. I really liked that in fact it was exactly what I wanted. I suggest honesty and bravery since it can be kind of awkward and uncomfortable at first.

[Jenny07]

Zoe

Honesty is the best as then they will know everything that's going on with you.

I saw a new therapist this week and yes it was stressful but unless they know everything you are wasting your time and money.
It's also important to make a connection with them as this is just as important.
I have found a few that I could not connect with or broke down when I told them my history.
I did not go back to them.

I have had an enormous amount of trauma to deal with besides my TG feelings.
It took most of the session to run through each and every one of them before I had time to discuss the TG feelings.
I put it bluntly, "I don't fit in as a Male". Short and to the point. She knew what I meant as I hate the TG word.

She already has said I have Post traumatic stress and was shocked by some of the things I had to discuss from the past and probably wonder how I was still here.

Anyway best of luck Zoe and don't worry about it.

[Rachel]

Be honest.

I had a phone interview with her and she had 1 opening, she agreed to see me 1 time. She wanted to only provide therapy to Trans*. I see her 1/week and it has been 8 months.

1st question she asked me, why I was there?

When I saw her I was done; at the end of the line hiding.

[JoanneB]

When I saw my first therapist several years it was not at all about transitioning. In fact being trans was more of the sub-plot as to why. While I would have loved for him to have been a gender specialist, when you live out in boonies and seeing even a "T* Friendly" therapist is a 2 hour drive you tend not to be choosey. I had a ton of shame, guilt, self esteem and self worth issues to deal with. When combined with the root cause of being trans all added up to the perfect formula for many of my life's disasters. I had made the choice many years earlier not to try transitioning after two experiments. Faking being a guy sort of worked, but had a few glitches, and needed some tweaking.

I also knew I would have no real life without first addressing some core issues like self-esteem, shame, and guilt. The persona I created was just a facade with so much of the real me kept locked away. I first needed to become one whole, healthy, person before I can even think of any other big life decisions. Or, just risk another, very likely, big life disaster.

Having first examined and addressed these other issues I believe worked out the best for me. Having a therapist that was at least familiar with TG clients was of some help. (Though, now that I relocated and am now seeing a gender specialist there is a world of difference. Even with dealing many of the same basic issues).

Like all things in life you mostly get back what you put into it. I worked hard on my personal growth, as well as being open and honest with my therapist and my wife.

[victoria n]

 IMHO a holistic approach to dealing w/ our issues is a great way to go. hope your therapist helps you.

gender therapists at least in my experience  only want to deal with transition and not other life issues.
but  they should. transitioning is more than the SOC. And there is a life after transition, and in all honesty, both good and  bad.

I thought my last psychologist was using the holistic approach but he turned out to be not a very good dr. using questionable therapy. no eye contact, parroting, patronizing,   promoting and almost demanding I get SRS  because of my GD. He knew about the downsides to transitioning but didn't tell me.
if your therapist does this find somebody else.

[Terri]

First started seeing a therapist back in May.  It was very scary but I knew I needed to start getting some help in dealing with myself and my feelings.  The first session was a bit awkward but I warmed up quickly -- we went through a bit of a questionnaire which touched on a lot of subjects -- I found myself not being able to shut up so don't worry too much about what you are going to say -- words will come.  I also agree with what everyone else has said about being honest with your thereapist.  That being said there were a few questions I found myself answering not being able to answer 100% truthfully -- why?  I don't know!  Embarrassed - yes, ashamed - yes.  But this was why I was there.  This was a person I was paying to help me deal with these issues and I couldn't even by 100% honest when I was in the right place.  I finally had to revisit and touch on these issues a few weeks back to make sure I had the air completely clear so that I could truly move forward -- I nearly cried tears of joy when I finally came completely clean I felt so relieved.  My best advice is to be simply as brave as you possibly can and be as honest as you possibly can.  Once you have somebody to talk with and confide in you will feel better -- and then you won't need to be so brave anymore - at least not on your own!  I promise.  Good luck!  Xoxoxo!!!

[Zoe Louise Taylor]

Thanks ladies.

Yea im definetely gonna be honest with her, as i said before, im not looking to go straight onto HRT i just really want to sort out my anxiety and unhappyness, and perhaps even gain some confidence in who i am. Then i feel that i can talk more about the prospect of HRT, and transitioning.

Im just a little nervous as i feel that there will be no going back after this, and this may even be the start of me finally fully accepting my trans feelings!!!!

x

[Assoluta]

In my experience, it pays to be patient with a therapist - the first couple of sessions will probably be more of them listening and not having much input, as they normally tend to need to gain a picture of the situation and of the individual they're dealing, although I imagine this could vary on the style of counselling they employ. It's also healthy to not expect a counsellor to provide solutions but provide guidance so that you can find the solution yourself, and provide you with the tools to resolve your issues over the long term, rather than necessarily coming out the session feeling like things are a lot better. However, if you see no progress, then it may be worth changing counsellor.

[Ltl89]

Hiya

Im going to see a therapist for the first time next Thursday, and although she doesn't specialise in gender dysphoria, she has dealt with the subject before.

The main thing i want to gain from therapy at the moment is just someone to talk to and perhaps a shoulder to cry on! Im not at this moment looking to be put straight onto hormones. But at the same time i really don't want to be told i'm not transexual . . . as i really do feel that i am!!!! I just feel, at this moment in time i need to sort my head out a bit, as this feeling of anxiety and hating myself is becoming too difficult to handle on my own.

I feel once i have done that, then i will look to come out and start my transition!

Im soooo nervous about this huge step in my life and im really unsure of what to expect from councelling.

So, how did your first therapy session go? And what should i expect from a good therapist?

Much love and hugs
Zoe
Xx

That's the best attitude to have with therapy.  I don't think people should only go just to get hormones.  The hormones are important, of course, but there should be more to therapy than that.  Besides there are legal ways to get hormones without a therapist (I understand that is a generalization, don't flame me for it).

Honesty is the best policy.  Tell them what you feel.  Once they understand your history, your mannerisms, patterns and feelings, they will be in a better position to help you.

Congrats on this big step.

[Eva Marie]

You'll be nervous and the therapist can kind of be intimidating so don't expect to get much done on the first trip. Hopefully you'll begin to trust the therapist and establish open and honest communication.

As you go along you will learn a lot of things about yourself, some of which can be upsetting or hard to digest. The therapist may assign you homework to help you accept and learn as you go. The truth is what it is and I'd suggest that you be honest and accepting of what you learn, keep an open mind, and maybe go into each session prepared with some topics that you'd like to discuss.

[Joanna Dark]

be honest and don't expect too much. I have been to more therapists, psychologists, psychiatrists, social workers, childcare advocates, and whoever else you can think of then I can count. And if you want them to be able to help you, and they do actually want to help you but it is a hard hard job, you have to be honest.

But then again, if it is for hormones, and you think there is a possibility that saying something may disqualify you, keep it to yourself. I was once in a group home and we were put in a circle and told somebody did something and needs to fess up, so we all sat there and one guy riases his hand and admits he stole a car. Not him, but they'll deal with him later. Another guy admists he smoked weed. Finally, they said this is your last chance. Another guy raises his hand and admits drug use. They finally come to me and tell me to get up and I am swiftly arrested for being dirty for like five drugs. The moral of the story, don't offer information cause it could bite you in the butt.

[Shakira]

I was totally terrified before my first visit like you are and about all the same things too,plus a whole bunch of other stuff I felt like being neurotic about  as well.    But it was really way better than I could have expected.My psychologist started off by saying that it's not her job to tell me what I am or what I have to do,her job is to help me be comfortable with myself and help me decide the best way to do that.And that is exactly what she did.I got some homework too,little exercises to help me with decisions I need to make and that sort of thing.She is really awesome and so helpful and supportive.I hope whoever you see is just as good.

[KatelynRain]

I was very anxious with my first visit too!!  I think that every therapist is different, but you can just expect to talk a bunch about yourself.  Everyone has a different comfort level, so just talk about things and let it flow.  I think the details and deeper stuff will come with future visits.  I think that a good attitude is to know that you're talking to someone who doesn't judge you, and someone who wants to hear about all the things in your life that upset you or make you anxious. 

[Zoe Louise Taylor]

Heya thanks for the lovely comment girlies!!

It went really well in the end! although i was so nervous!!! :/

I just talked to her about my feelings and how im finding it harder and harder to hide them!!
And i also talked about my fears of coming out, and she said that she will work on my confidence being the woman i am, and it will make it easier for me to come out and be around people that i know!!!
Also, im going to be going as Zoe to the next appointment, which will be great as it will give me a chance to speak to someone as the real me!!

I also talked to her about how i was trying to hard to find a 'label' to suit who i am, and she said that we will get rid of all labels for the time being as its no good trying to match my experiences up with other peoples as people differ!!

i found it really amazing to finally be able to talk to someone, and i just felt so at ease talking about something that i've kept to myself for as long as i can remember!!!

I can't wait for my next appointment!!

Zoe
x

[Terri]

Congratulations Zoe!!!