speak freely to your family and ignore the spiteful replies, they need to understand that you really are who you say you are. censoring your speech won't help anyone. stay firm in the belief that you are right, and use sound arguments to undermine anything they say that is wrong. it is possible to make them more frustrated than they make you if you just keep your calm and stay firm. don't let them refuse to accept you. i'm in an annoying situation where i often have to defy my mother in order to not lose it completely. many conversations have started with her offending me, me answering, her saying she doesn't like the way i talk to her, and me answering that i don't like the way she talks to me either, and for good reasons. i think she's starting to realize that i'm at least twice as stubborn as her when i just want to, she doesn't try starting a fight as often as before when i call her out on her offensive way of speaking that she uses when talking to her family.
avoid being in the same room as any one of them for longer than fifteen minutes at a time. don't let anyone give you annoying speeches that don't help. do tell them if you've heard it before and aren't interested unless they can find better arguments. don't let them demand that you listen to them without demanding that they listen to you as well. avoid foul language and direct insults, keep it civil on your part, but without any lenience. if they want to be family with you, they should care about your opinions as well, you matter just as much as them.
avoid the trans issue. instead tell them that your name is X and you're a guy, if they start using wrong name and pronouns. don't insist, simply state it. then treat your birth name and that unknown woman as a stranger whom you've never known if they mention her again. and if none of these are applicable to your situation, find other ways to take your natural place in the house and not letting them decide anything of what you do.
do all you can to find a better place to live. and find something to do where you can be yourself without having to deal with rejection.
and congrats on getting clean. that's really well done, and even better if you manage to stay clean.
