Top surgery and fears

[Joe.]

I have a huge fear and discomfort about nipples, and anybody going near them. If I had my way, nobody would have nipples. It's more than just a discomfort, I physically can't stand them, I can't stand drying them, I can't stand my binder brushing past them when I put it on. This really concerns me when it gets to the point that I have top surgery. I have no idea how I will cope with it. I'm worrying now just thinking about it. I want top surgery so badly, and I don't want this fear to stop me. It's not that I hate them because they're attached to breats, I hate them on cis guys and everything. It's not I hate them because of what they look like, I just have these irrational fears and feelings about them that make me feel horrible and all I want to do is cross my arms and forget about them. I don't want my nipples to be touched during top surgery but I know they're going to have to be. I don't know how to deal with this, it's a fear thing I've had since I was young. It's so hard to explain without sounding weird :/

[aleon515]

I wonder about something. You know the female aureola (what usually is thought of as the nipple) is much much bigger than the male's. I know you say you don't like their's either but perhaps, I wonder if you have thought about it. It is quite odd not having one. But what if they were much smaller. In double incision, they resize this to be male size. There is also no sensation. To some people this is the kind of a concern. But if you hate the feel of it rubbing against stuff, your nipples usually are more sensitive than the rest of the chesticles. It will feel like other skin. I know some guys say they have sensation, I think it is more the power of the mind in not losing what they don't want to lose.

--Jay

[Taka]

i like nipples, but not my own. also been thinking of cutting off everything, including those. at first i thought it might have to do with the molestation i was exposed to, but i don't think so any more. it creeps me out no matter who touches them. i (barely) managed to let a boyfriend play with them. breast feeding wasn't a problem at all, but if my girl's hands touched my nipples, it creeped me out. what horrible things to have attached to my body.

still... the possibility of a lack of sensation, plus the prospect of having a normal looking flat chest, made me change my mind. what problem do they pose if i can't feel them.. i believe i can deal with some tiny nipples on a flat chest. now i just have to save some money and find the right surgeon.
as well as figure out how to deal with family.

at least the nipples don't bite.. and if you hate them too much after top surgery, maybe you can get them removed later? or you could get the areola and nipples tattooed on (i really did think about this as well)? i don't know, but... there shouldn't be too much to fear. your surgeon will be wearing gloves when he cuts away most of your nipples. nobody will touch them directly except you.

[Joe.]

Thanks guys. Yeah I know the aureola is bigger on females, but even men's I hate. Like it's the point of the nipple where it actually comes out. So it's the same on female dogs who have like 8 teets/nipple things, I can't rub their belly. It's something about the part coming out. It's completely irrational and I know that it's irrational. I don't have much sensation there now to be honest, but then again I haven't properly ever touched them because of this fear thing. It's not the surgeon's hands I'm worried about, it's the part where he cuts the nipples. I can't get over that part but I want the surgery so badly so it doesn't make sense. Once I'm healing, I won't be able to look at my nipples or anything because it scares me so much and makes me cringe. I know I'm sounding completely irrational and stuff. I wouldn't want them to be removed completely because that scares me even more, I would just rather of been born with no nipples there in the first place. The fear is from having nipples to begin with and if they were removed now, that would scare me even more. I'm probably not making a lot of sense, I've never heard of this before, but I really appreciate you guys' support.

[Taka]

it's not that weird. there are people who refuse to get blood transfusions for religious reasons, that's even more irrational the way i see it.
a fear is a fear, but in your case it might be that you have to face it whether you want it or not. irrational fears are part of my life as well. i used to be terrified of starting a vacuum cleaner, use to have my younger brother push that button before i could use it. but in the end, that got too much of a hassle, and i eventually managed to force myself to do it. holding my tears and panic back. you'll probably survive it no matter how scared you are. not much of a comfort, i know, but... i do want you to become as happy as you can possibly be.

[Kreuzfidel]

Sometimes surgeons will completely remove the nipple and leave you with a nipple-less chest - most guys obviously opt to have a later procedure done where a nipple is created by stitching up a little portion of skin and having it cosmetically tattooed to get the colour right.  You may want to just have a nipple-less chest.

[aleon515]

I think there are men that do have sensation though. I don't think it has to do with power of the mind and more to do with how the surgeon does things and how they heal. It's just how women who get breast reductions CAN lose nipple sensation. Doesn't mean they will though.

Regardless, maybe once you do have chest surgery, it will help with this issue. I'm really sorry you feel this way. Hopefully you find a way to cope with these feelings. Best of luck to you!

Men have nipple sensation, but it isn't quite as intense. But double incision with nipple grafts, the nipples don't have anything more than skin sensation, not erotic sensation. Some people do not get them removed entirely, but he should know that they won't have the grating sensation against your body the way they do now.


--Jay

[Jack_M]

Well let's be honest, there's a TON of irrational fears out there. This is no different to a fear of spiders or needles. People can have gone through childbirth and be scared of a teeny needle in their arm. So yeah, totally irrational fear, but it's not like you're alone in the world! Lol

Nipples, hide them under a shirt. Surgeon cuts them, you're in la la land anyway. Over sensitive? After top surgery they won't be (if DI). Try not to over think it. Hundreds of folk who fear spiders still sleep. There could be 10 spiders in their room but they're none the wiser as they sleep (good luck sleeping tonight any arachnophobics! You're welcome. )That's what you'll be like in the surgery. Completely oblivious. Now if you're going to be unwilling to care for them post surgery you have to be up front about that and either assign a friend/SO to help or see a medical professional regularly to check they're properly healing.

[FTMDiaries]

The top surgeon that your GIC will send you to does give you the option of having them completely removed if you wish. Then if you want, you can have fake nipples tattooed on your chest so that everything looks normal from a distance.

And as others have said, if you do decide to keep them for the sake of appearances, they can cut the nerves so that you'll have no sensation.

You don't have to keep them if you don't want to. The surgeon leaves it up to you.

[Joe.]

Cheers for the advice guys. I don't think I'd want them removed completely, because that freaks me out even more. It's just the thing of getting them cut at in the first place. I know I'll be out of it for the procedure (I hope?) but I'm worried about the healing process and stitches too. The line scars underneath don't phase me, but the nipple part really freaks me out. I know it will be worth it in the end and stuff but I'm still worried because this is one of my biggest fears.

[aleon515]

Cheers for the advice guys. I don't think I'd want them removed completely, because that freaks me out even more. It's just the thing of getting them cut at in the first place. I know I'll be out of it for the procedure (I hope?) but I'm worried about the healing process and stitches too. The line scars underneath don't phase me, but the nipple part really freaks me out. I know it will be worth it in the end and stuff but I'm still worried because this is one of my biggest fears.

Oh yes, you would be totally out! I've never heard of anyone complaining about pain or feeling from the nipples. More people actually talk about being numb there. I think you are having an irrational fear, but you probably should talk about it. There is a lot about nipple sensation you have right now that could contribute to dysphoria though, which would not be a factor after top surgery.
Can't tell you about the scars and stuff after top surgery, people seem to worry about them looking good.

--Jay

[Jace]

If it makes you feel better I have a pretty irrational fear as well. I have anthrophobia. I am afraid of flowers. I just really hate having to touch or hold them and I can't stand them being near my face. I'll freak out if someone shoves them into my face and if I have to hold one I'll hold it as far from me as possible. So um yeah you aren't the only one with irrational fears.

[Taka]

If it makes you feel better I have a pretty irrational fear as well. I have anthrophobia. I am afraid of flowers. I just really hate having to touch or hold them and I can't stand them being near my face. I'll freak out if someone shoves them into my face and if I have to hold one I'll hold it as far from me as possible. So um yeah you aren't the only one with irrational fears.

for real? so it actually exists. (sorry, i'm super exited to hear this even though it might not be the best reaction ever). you should try to read this korean webtoon called "pine in the flower garden". it's a funny story where the mc's fear of flowers after a while turn out to not be that much worse than some of the other characters' problems. kind of cute story.

Cheers for the advice guys. I don't think I'd want them removed completely, because that freaks me out even more. It's just the thing of getting them cut at in the first place. I know I'll be out of it for the procedure (I hope?) but I'm worried about the healing process and stitches too. The line scars underneath don't phase me, but the nipple part really freaks me out. I know it will be worth it in the end and stuff but I'm still worried because this is one of my biggest fears.

you're worried about scar treatment around your nipples?

[Joe.]

Thanks everyone.

Not so much the scarring, just the healing process and the stitches around them. I know I won't be able to look at them or treat the nipple scarring, the other scars I don't really care about.

[aleon515]

I've never heard of anybody even bothering to treat the nipple scars, I think there is really little scarring there. The stitching is done along the areola so there really isn't an issue. Maybe would help to look at top surgery results and see what is actually happening there. Some of your concerns sound "real" and not entirely irrational.

--Jay

[Frank]

I can't help here but nipples freak me out. Not guy nipples, just large nipples that boobs have an annoying tendency to have. Luckily I rarely see mine but when I do...it is not pretty. So unnatural and unnecessary.