I had been aware of my need to identify my sexuality ever since I was about 9. Im not a good talker and this is my first time telling anyone, so please bear with.
I have not been able to even consider anything as complete as SRS, HRT, or any such adjustment to lifestyle, be it major or minor, temporary or permanent. I do know that when i would enter Melissa's world I felt at complete ease, and I especially loved the curves I gave myself. I looked for ways that I could live as Melissa, even part time.
As Melissa, and what I consider my true self, I have dreamed of exploring the entire feminine condition, and I would ache to be Melissa completely and permanently. Simple CD lifestyle wasnt enough. I wanted the real thing, and if I should ever have the opportunity, I would want my breasts to be real, I would want my vagina to be real, and if I were ever able to have a man inside me, I would want the sexual experience as well. The way I see life, if I couldnt have the entire experience, I wouldnt have any of it.
Even as a pre-teen, I was very fascinated with how my vagina would hold another human being inside me, and how his semen would soak my egg so that I could give birth. Imagine, all the hormonal experiences I could have while being pregnant. The birth process and breastfeeding was all included in how bad I wanted the experience then and just as much now. I feel its my job as a woman to be able to bring a child into the world. I wish i could do that now.
I dont consider that to be from the homosexual standpoint that I want a man inside me, because a homosexual would not be able to produce a baby biologically. I want to carry and deliver and nurse, as well as be an intimate partner.
All that is just a part of me. Melissa is more than just wanting babies. I want to be able to know I am an attractive woman and that would build such dignity in me. Its the dignity of being female, in both pregnancy and in society, that I ache for. So here I am, Melissa, and I hope you all accept me for the woman Im trying to become.
