How Society Shames Men Dating Trans Women & How This Affects Our Lives

[Amelia Pond]

How Society Shames Men Dating Trans Women & How This Affects Our Lives
Janet Mock, September 12, 2013

We, as a society, have not created a space for men to openly express their desire to be with trans women. Instead, we shame men who have this desire... to keep their attraction to trans women secret... In effect, we're telling trans women that they are only deserving of secret interactions with men, further demeaning and stigmatizing trans women.

I've stood witness to many so-called scandals... where passing interactions with trans women spawn hundreds of headlines, particularly for a man with fame and social capital. Thousands of words have been dedicated to analyzing whether such and such famous man is now suspect, merely because he took a photo with a fan who happened to be a trans woman. This questioning has led many well-known men to adamantly defend their heterosexuality and has tarnished the reputation and careers of others. It sounds like silliness on the surface, but often times when gossip blogs are the public's only exposure to trans women, it spreads misinformation, validates stereotypes and causes irreparable damage.

When a man can be shamed merely for interacting with a trans women... what does this say about how society views trans women? More important, what does this do to trans women?

[Adam (birkin)]

I'm glad that someone wrote this article. I really do think it's something our culture gets totally wrong. People think, if you're a straight man or lesbian who is attracted to someone who had (or used to have) a penis that it must make your sexuality suspect. Or I guess in the case of straight women or gay man who date FTMs, dating someone who has/used to have a vagina makes your sexuality suspect. It reduces sexual orientation to being all about genitals, when really, it's so much more than that. When I came out as being attracted to women everyone made it about vagina, thinking I was just coming out because I was mad about vagina and disgusted by penis. But it was never really about that - it's about how I feel about women's bodies as a whole (breasts, soft skin, feminine facial features, etc), which genitals are only a small part of. It's about how I feel with a woman and how I relate with a woman. If she happens to have a penis, that's just such a small (lol) part of the woman, I can't see how such a minute detail could all of a sudden remove anything I might feel for her.

[MrMillion]

good article. I think the problem is that people see trans women as a man still and not as a woman. So, I think to solve this problem, people just need to be more informed. If not, find someone on a dating site like cupid. you can see it more here http://www.freedatinghelper.com/reviews/black-cupid/ if you want. They will know what you have and done and talk to you if they're interested.

[big kim]

I used to think men who had TS girlfriends couldn't get a "real" girlfriend.

[Michelle-G]

I really do think it's something our culture gets totally wrong. People think, if you're a straight man or lesbian who is attracted to someone who had (or used to have) a penis that it must make your sexuality suspect.

I'm so glad you said this!  My gay and lesbian friends get it, but sometimes when I try to explain to trans folks that being gay or lesbian or straight has nothing to do with the plumbing that your partner has and more to do with who they are I get all kinds of grief.

I wonder if our culture will ever evolve to the point where this is not an issue.

[Dreams2014]

So sad that this is still an issue in today's world. If somebody is trans it wouldn't matter to me. If you connect with somebody and attracted to them, the hell does it matter?