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Advice?

Started by Salman67, September 15, 2013, 08:26:22 PM

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Salman67

Hello,

I am planning to come out to my sisters with next few days and i have planned to do it no matter what, i was wondering if there is anyone who got some advice on how to handle it if they dont take it well and all that. Also i know that i will get emotional n i hate that...any advice on that?
Any advice would be appreciated

Thanks
Salman
Life is unfair  :-\

Loving someone who doesn't love you is like waiting for a ship at the airport :(
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Marissa

I just came out to my wife a couple weeks ago (talk about a difficult talk), so I'll share with you what I learned, but everyone is different so take it with a grain of salt.

* Try not to worry about what will happen.  For me it was a relief to get it out.

* I think it helps to act calm and confident even if that's the opposite of what you're feeling.  Don't show give them an excuse to try to 'talk you out of it'.  Remember that it's not a group decision.

* Don't hedge or hold back.  If you're coming out, don't stop halfway or try to break it to them easy.  Just be completely open and honest and answer their questions as well as you can.

As for emotions, I can't imagine anyone not getting emotional.  In my case, there was no yelling.  There was anger on her part, and accusations, but I stayed calm and leveled with her and she stayed calm too.  She was upset but she kept her cool and now we're trying to work it out and she's doing her best to be supportive.

I have no idea how your sisters will react, but if things get too emotional it can help for everyone to take a few deep breaths.  Not sure if this helps, but I hope so.  I'm no expert, just someone who recently went through something similar. Good luck! 
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Salman67

Thank so much Marissa :) it means alot what you've shared
I know it will be hard but i know i have to do this in order to be happy i just hope that they understand it
Life is unfair  :-\

Loving someone who doesn't love you is like waiting for a ship at the airport :(
  •  

Marissa

Quote from: Salman67 on September 15, 2013, 11:52:59 PM
Thank so much Marissa :) it means alot what you've shared
I know it will be hard but i know i have to do this in order to be happy i just hope that they understand it

I really hope it goes well for you!

I'm figuring things out as I go so answering your post was helpful to me too and I'm not done coming out so maybe I'll come back to this thread to remind myself the next time I have to have a 'talk.'  I didn't mention it before, but I have 2 kids: a daughter who is 11 and a son who is 9.  I still have to talk to them and to the rest of my extended family so I'm still feeling a lot of the same nervousness you are.  At least we aren't alone.  A lot of sisters and brothers have done this and will continue to in the future.

Blessed Be!
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Salman67

@ Joules - thanks for the reply
I am FTM and i got 2 sisters n 1 brother but i have been a tomboy all my life (i am 24) and i hope that will make things easier for them to accept since i have only used boyish clothes
Once i come out to my siblings then i will tell my parents so for the moment i want to make sure it goes easy for me

Oh that  good, i am glad ur brother had a positive reaction to that(thats givin me hope :D)

@ Marissa
Thank u :) i hope so too
Oh i am glad to hear that n i wish u all the very best. Oh you got kids, thats nice. One thing about kids that i have noticed is that they wont judge how some adults do. Their hearts are pure and i hope everything goes very well for you :)

Life is unfair  :-\

Loving someone who doesn't love you is like waiting for a ship at the airport :(
  •  

Marissa

Quote from: Salman67 on September 16, 2013, 11:20:39 PM
One thing about kids that i have noticed is that they wont judge how some adults do. Their hearts are pure and i hope everything goes very well for you :)

Thanks Salman!

Reading your thoughts on kids, I can't help but think that you didn't go to the same schools I did. :P

Just kidding.  I hope they react well.  My wife wants me to put things on hold for now (aside from seeing a therapist) and be more careful not to give the kids hints (makeup, clothes, female glasses, etc.).  I think she might be hoping the therapist will 'talk me out of it' or something, but if she's in denial, I can't blame her.  I was in denial for years.
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Salman67

Ohh well it does depend how they are brought up, like i am muslim and from very young age i was told that god will give you things that he knows is the best for you and he wants your happyness. From like age 2 or 3 (i dont remember of course but my parents tell me) that i hated girl clothes, never owned a barbie or any kind of doll, never played with girls and even introduced myself to others using a guy name. Every day looking at myself and hating my own body because i am not happy with it..so this is gods way telling me i am better off to be a girl because he knows whats best for me :/ it is just headache.
After doing so much research and getting away from almost everyone..now i know that god only wants ur happiness and every human being has the right to do the things that make them happy n they are proud of themselves.

I have no idea how my family will react but i have to do this or else if i do not change my sex i am as good as a corpse but the only difference will be that my heart beat is still on.
I am tired of asking god to take me away from this earth and as far as i know i dont think that tomorrow i will wake up and i will be turned into a girl.
Sometimes you have to go and get your own happiness and you have to be a little selfish because if you're not happy then you cant keep other happy around you. 

I dont think this is somethig if anyone can talk you out of it: i tried doing that but it doesnt happen because your soul knows it. Hardest thing on earth is lying to yourself.
Life is unfair  :-\

Loving someone who doesn't love you is like waiting for a ship at the airport :(
  •  

Marissa

Quote from: Salman67 on September 19, 2013, 12:28:53 AM
...i have to do this or else if i do not change my sex i am as good as a corpse but the only difference will be that my heart beat is still on. ...

I hear that! I was a zombie (walking corpse) for many years. And you're right. It finally got to be too much so it was transition or become a real corpse.

You make a lot of good points!
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Salman67

I know exactly what you mean; i thought that i will be able to change and it will take few weeks or maybe months but i know now that i cannot do that
I am a male and i have to fight for that. The other day i just looked up in the sky and asked god that why did he give me a female body, like why? But then i remembered this line from our holy boom The Quran that god knows what you're capable of and he always tests his special servants in special way/not sure if this applies to me but i am taking it as this.

The only thing you should never lose is Hope :) thats what keeps me going
Life is unfair  :-\

Loving someone who doesn't love you is like waiting for a ship at the airport :(
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