How Do You Handle Being A Transsexual?

[Jamie D]

Freshguy, you wrote this in February of this year:

Hey guys, first of all sorry if this is in the wrong section but I didn't know where to post it:

Hey guys,

I am really worried I am transexual but I wish I could just stay as a man (I was born male)

I've been worried about being a transexual since April last year (so I am only one year away from being diagnosed with gender identity disorder  )

I just wish there was another route.

I'm really scared to tell anybody I know that I might be transgender.

When I think about being a transexual I get pain in my chest (i.e. it feels tight) and I worry about being a transexual most of the time. Sometimes I go an hour or two without worrying then I feel really happy then I remember about the trans worries and I start worrying again.

My local LGBT society done a drag day yesterday and I dressed up as a girl, when I was dressed as a girl I didn't feel particularly gender euphoric or anything. Although I think that it will be easier to flirt with boys dressed as a girl (but I've not tried this)

I'm quite a shy person and at the end of the day one of the people giving the drag workshop said that they had seen shy people like me before and I should do what makes me happy (e.g. wearing dresses) but I don't know if I want to dress as a female or not.

After the drag workshop we all went to a bar where a drag act was performed and we were gonna dress in drag again but in the end we didn't. When we first got there I didn't want to dress in drag, then I wanted to then I decided I didn't again lol BUT I don't know if going in drags makes me a transexual anyway but it could be an indicator

I don't want to be a transexual but I am worried that I am one and it seems like I wait forever to be seen by services that can help.

Worrying I am a trans makes me really scared and unhappy and I am worried that I will lose my sex drive and I am worried that my penis will stop working cos of the thoughts.

But yesterday I went clubbing and I hooked up with someone in the club (not sex, we just snogged) and I got an erection so it shows my penis is still working which is good.

I want to keep my penis but I'm worried I'm in denial

Can anyone else help? Can any transexuals relate to what I am saying or does this not sound like I'm trans?

Uhhh, this is so tough. I was starting to worry about this situation less because I was going to get CBT to treat my OCD (my main OCD worry is about being trans but I am worried that maybe it's not OCD and I am trans, especially since they decided not to give me CBT, I think maybe it was there way of telling me that it sounds more like I am trans)

They said that they didn't specialise in obsessive thoughts, more rituals (but mine is more obsessive thoughts) and they said it would be harder to treat

Can anybody help mee?

How has anything changed?

[FreshGuy]

Freshguy, you wrote this in February of this year:

How has anything changed?

I'm a mess, I could just be in denial about being transsexual. It is a strong possiblity, many other transsexuals have said I sound like I am in denial and I even think I am in denial myself even though I admit I am transsexual which is kind of ironic cos how can I be in denial if I admit it

Maybe I am not fully admitting it with all my heart and soul.

I just need help. Sorry I know I cannot repeat phrases so I will try to hold back from what I want to say

edit: maybe I can stay as a boy but I don't want to get my hopes up

[Murbella]

Can you describe the help you are expecting to receive in posting here?

thanks I don't feel emotionally able to discuss it with a therapist but I have been in touch with a local support group.

So, expand on this...  What are your fears about seeing a therapist?

[FreshGuy]

Can you describe the help you are expecting to receive in posting here?

So, expand on this...  What are your fears about seeing a therapist?

I don't like seeing therapists, I don't like the set-up of it and I am not emotionally able to discuss my trans troubles with a therapist.

[Jamie D]

I'm a mess, I could just be in denial about being transsexual. It is a strong possiblity, many other transsexuals have said I sound like I am in denial and I even think I am in denial myself even though I admit I am transsexual which is kind of ironic cos how can I be in denial if I admit it

Maybe I am not fully admitting it with all my heart and soul.

I just need help. Sorry I know I cannot repeat phrases so I will try to hold back from what I want to say

edit: maybe I can stay as a boy but I don't want to get my hopes up

Almost every single person who is a member of this website, started by asking themselves, "I wonder if I am trans*?"  For some, the dysphoria was apparent when they were children.  For others, the dysphoria became apparent at puberty.  Still others fought feeling they did not understand until they were middle aged, or older.  Many of us did not even have the trans* concept to consider.

There is no right or wrong time to deal with the feelings that something is not quite right.  You are clearly upset and worried.   That is natural.  Because you might have other issues going on, it really would be best to talk with a therapist or psychiatrist.  I believe you said you were in the UK.  There must be some sort of urgent care available to you, without waiting "months and months."

You were brave enough to join up and discuss what you were feeling with us.  That same bravery can be useful when discussing your issues with a therapist or doctor.  There is nothing to be ashamed of.

One more thing... the "transgender umbrella" covers a broad spectrum of gender variant persons, only some of which are transsexual.  Not every transgendered person transitions.  Others find methods and ways to cope with whatever degree of dysphoria they experience.

Support groups are good, but talking with a professional, even your GP, may get you a referral to a specialist, to help you sort things out.

[FreshGuy]

Almost every single person who is a member of this website, started by asking themselves, "I wonder if I am trans*?"  For some, the dysphoria was apparent when they were children.  For others, the dysphoria became apparent at puberty.  Still others fought feeling they did not understand until they were middle aged, or older.  Many of us did not even have the trans* concept to consider.

There is no right or wrong time to deal with the feelings that something is not quite right.  You are clearly upset and worried.   That is natural.  Because you might have other issues going on, it really would be best to talk with a therapist or psychiatrist.  I believe you said you were in the UK.  There must be some sort of urgent care available to you, without waiting "months and months."

You were brave enough to join up and discuss what you were feeling with us.  That same bravery can be useful when discussing your issues with a therapist or doctor.  There is nothing to be ashamed of.

One more thing... the "transgender umbrella" covers a broad spectrum of gender variant persons, only some of which are transsexual.  Not every transgendered person transitions.  Others find methods and ways to cope with whatever degree of dysphoria they experience.

Support groups are good, but talking with a professional, even your GP, may get you a referral to a specialist, to help you sort things out.

Ok ty, yeah mien started with the "I wonder if I am trans*?"  so I guess this means I am trans, there is no point in me dilly dallying around gender variant labels. I just need to face the fact that I am a full on mtf transsexual with all surgeries.

I guess I will have to go to a doctor

[Jamie D]

The worst thing people like us can do, is to put road blocks in our path.

Uncertainty can play mean games with our psyches.  There is an old adage, that "the threat is greater than the execution."  We tend to worry about what could happen, when the likely reality is much less problematic.

You may, or may not, be MtF TS.  But a professional can help you sift through those issues.

[calico]

Wow this topic, 
well I will add a few words mostly opinion but, there really isn't any certain way any of us handled it, that is everyone handled differently. sure some have similar experiences but we handled it however we could.

as for myself, I never really liked the terminology, I always seen my self as a girl, in the beginning that girl was hiding and as she kept trying to be free it became painfully obvious I could no I longer survive unless she could be free and be out, so... I started with a therapist who helped me sort out my thoughts, than I decided it didn't matter what happened it was time to just be me and well many people didn't like it, I ended up giving up it all to finally gain everything. I lost it all, family, friends, everything I owned, I went from buying and having a home to have only a few articles of clothing and living in my car but, I was finally free , and I rebuilt and over the years gained back some and finally had my gcs surgery and now have a wonderful bf , a great connection to my mom and dad, and most of all I am not trying to be something I am not. I now just  have my life as just a normal girl.

OP your question is wide and open to vagueness. I feel you are trying to understand yourself but that is something only you can come to terms with and no-matter how many times you post or how much help you say you need it wont give you what you need, nobody here can tell you what you need or what you need to do so ....
if you want a place talk that's fine but there isn't a need to post-whore about the same thing 
read my quotes and consider there meaning and perhaps you can move forward past this wall you have erected in front of yourself

[Horizon]

That is a possiblity but it doesn't explain everything. OCD could be a misdiagnosis. People get misdiagnosed all the time.

So...what you're saying is it doesn't matter whether you're "diagnosed" as being trans or not because you'll just ignore it, anyway.

I think that sums up this entire thread.

[mrs izzy]

Last i am going to post in this thread, I think he is getting what he wants and is after...... Look and think about it.


Izzy

[HelenW]

Well tbh I don't feel like I have been helped much. Saying "go to a doctor" isn't exactly helping me handle my trans truth.

Constantly demanding people help you and then rejecting their advice seems to me a strategy for remaining the way you are and dodging the blame for your inability to move on, FreshGuy.  You need to take responsibility for this yourself.  We can only do so much.  The rest, and it's the biggest part of it, is up to YOU alone.  We can't do it for you, we can't take the pain away.  Only you have the power to fix this.

[Danielle Emmalee]

I'm pretty sure he suffers from trans-ocd, a real disorder that doesn't really have a cure and I would imagine is very difficult to live with.  I don't think posts like this are very helpful to him and you may actually be hurting him for something that he cannot help.  He has toned down his posts quite a bit, taking direction from moderators very well, and I don't think he deserves this kind of treatment.


Quote removed from deleted post

[FrancisAnn]

Personally I paint my toe nails, fingernails, shave my legs, put on some nice undies, makeup & a put on a nice dress while I wait for HRT to change & improve my body. I also love to chit chat with my gril friends on Susan's Place.

Going shopping tomorrow & I may try to find a new man soon? 

[RavenMoon]

I'll admit I did not read every post... I went from the first page to the last.

So I don't know how old you are, but you make this sound like a recent problem.

For me, it started when I was about the age were I became aware of genders. So maybe 4 or 5. And then I knew I was a girl. But my mom didn't agree. lol (I can laugh at it now...) So after letting me wear nail polish for a while, it was all over. I hated having my hair cut. I hated the clothes I wore. When I hit puberty, well that just sucked. Now I'm 55. I'm just deciding to do something about this. I was married for 9 years, and been divorced for over a year. This gave me time to be with myself and think. The divorced was not directly related to this, but this is always the underlying problem. I really wish I had done it at the very least in my 20s, but so it is. 

How did I deal with it all these years? It wasn't easy. I just lived my life, and longed for a different one. Had several urges to commit suicide, but didn't. Had lots of anxiety and depression. And to this day I'm never really happy, unless it's related to female things. I'll buy clothes and stuff, but except on Halloween, never cross dress in public. I did dress very androgynously in high school and after, including wearing nail polish, some girl's clothes (like tops and jeans), makeup and I had long hair. That made me feel more like myself. People thought I was gay, but I like girls. (so I guess that makes me a lesbian after all!)

At this point in my life, and accepting that I'm going to start this journey, I can look back and see all the problems I had by not trying to do something about it, or even tell people. I had therapy for the anxiety and depression, and the one time I tried to say why, it was dismissed.

Now I have been telling a few close friends, and it feels really good. My 22 year old son lives with me, and lately I have been painting my toe nails black. lol He looked at me funny, but he knows I'm different, so he just said I look like a Goth from the 90s. lol (I have longish hair with a bright blue streak in it too). People just think I'm a musician.

But I'm happy to be starting this. I never did fit in with guys. With few exceptions, my close friends were always women. When I was a teenager, the boys I knew would be playing sports, while I was making my own clothes, or playing guitar, etc.

So listen to your feelings. Find out who you really are. Some of us get stuck in the wrong bodies. These days it can be "fixed". Don't wait as long as I did. Talk to a therapist who specializes in gender issues. They won't laugh at you or judge you. The one I'm going to see has two grown transgendered children!