Hi Xhianil,
I'm Maddie. I've been happily and successfully living as a woman in every way for about two years (though I didn't come out to everyone I worked with and change my name there until a year and a half ago).
What I have learned from my own experience, and from my many friends who each has a different path that is right for them, is that there is not one transition from male to female, but many kinds of transition, and which one(s) are right for you will depend on what you feel and find out along the way.
The first and most important transition for most people, is the transition that happens in the way we see and regard ourselves. For some people, coming to realize their true gender identity, and embracing that as a good thing to be, not a defect or a mistake, is the most important piece of the puzzle. I realized that I wasn't a freak, or messed up, I was just a person, a person who feels female when she most feels like herself. And I realized that if I really wanted to, and needed to, that nothing could stop me from expressing myself and being who I really am, first to myself, and then to the world.
This leads to a second transition for me, and for many trans women. I had to go from being a woman who mistreated and neglected herself and sometimes wanted to hurt herself, to being a healthy and whole woman inside. Before I tackled outside kinds of transitions, I needed to work hard with a therapist and in journal work and in life practice. I had to learn to love myself, as the special woman I am. Many girls who skip that step have a very hard time, because even if you magically achieve the perfect body, and magically no one knows that you were ever born any other way, if you have learned to hate or belittle or despise or neglect yourself, even with a perfect body you would still have those habits to make you miserable. So you have to start healing (if you are like me and didn't treat yourself with love and kindness) and keep working at it until your heart and head are healed and whole.
There is a third kind of transition, that many of us make. I did. It is coming out to the world as a woman, and starting to live with others as a woman like me would live. I don't have to be like any other woman in the world, I just have to be myself. It was scary to prepare for, but a wonderful relief when I could finally be myself in that way with everybody else and not just myself. I cannot tell you how wonderful it is, to me every day, to be treated by most everyone as the woman I am. It was something I craved, and that gives me a lot of satisfaction. I began that social transition with the people closest to me, before I made any outward changes, and then I started doing things like dressing androgynously full time, and as a woman part time; and started coming out to more people as I felt safe doing so. And making little changes that made me happy, like pierced ears, and growing my hair long, and finger nail polish, and part time makeup. Some people will be happy presenting as a woman part time only, and don't need to live as a woman all of the time or to everyone. I did, but people like me are not the majority.
There is a fourth kind of transition, that many of us make. I did. It is making modifications to our body's chemistry so that we feel more like ourselves, and so that our body will begin to gradually change to look more like we feel inside. That's hormonal transition, and involves, for MtF, blocking the androgens and replacing them with estrogen. Though for some younger folks, it just involves medicine to stop puberty so they have time to be sure if they want to transition their body chemistry or not. I loved the effects that MtF hormone therapy had on me, but like my gender therapist said about both social transition and chemical transition, "the proof is in the pudding". You can read a recipe all day long, but only by following it and tasting the result can you tell if it is going to be right for you. In my case, the hormone change made me feel calmer, happier, more comfortable in my skin. I also like who I see in the mirror every day, and am happy for the changes in my breasts, face, hips, and the subtle changes throughout my body. But I also know many girls who look beautiful on hormones but still hate their bodies and can't see or appreciate their new looks because they haven't healed inside (see transition #2).
There is a fifth kind of transition, that many of us make. I am in the process. It is in making permanent changes to our bodies so that they better fit the map we carry inside us, of who we are. In addition to the hormone changes, some of which could be temporary if stopped, and some of which can be permanent, I began to work with professionals to undergo other treatments that are permanent. I have had over 100,000 of my facial hairs permanently removed, as well as some in other places. I am saving money for, and improving my health and losing weight to prepare my body for, surgery that will change my genital region to match the way I feel they already are when I forget what is there. When I have it done, probably before next summer, it will be a happy addition to my already happy life as a woman. But it is quite possible to live happily as a woman who happens to have a penis. Many thousands of women do, as have I. It doesn't prevent anything important that you want to do, if you and your partners are willing to be flexible, though it does make some things more difficult or challenging to not be how you want to be down there. I have had very strong dysphoria about that area since I was young, so for me it is a necessity to be on the road to getting it done, but it is quite normal for girls to realize they don't need or want that once they experience happily looking like and living as a woman in the ways that matter to them.
There is a sixth kind of transition, that many of us make. It is from being less attractive (to ourselves or possibly to others) as a woman, to being more attractive (to ourselves or possibly to others) as a woman. It can be as simple as learning our own best ways of dressing and of carrying ourselves and of using makeup. It can involve learning to speak in a different manner so that our voice sounds more like the woman we hear in our heads when we picture ourselves. It can involve surgical interventions, some of them routine that many non-trans women who are unhappy about their looks also save up and do (like breast augmentation, nose jobs, and so on) and some of them major combination surgeries like facial feminization surgery, that might include significant changes to bones as well as soft tissues. I made this transition using voice practice, makeup, relearning how to dress, relearning how I walk and gesture and carry myself, and hormones and losing weight (only because I was obese). I was only aiming to get by and blend in, but somehow I ended up being beautiful. It actually happens to a lot of trans women, some of whom are the most beautiful women on earth, but you need to have a good mental balance to be able to believe and appreciate it.
If I had had a very masculine face and bone structure etc (I used to think I did, but for me, hormones and self-confidence worked wonders) I personally would have considered some kind of facial feminization surgery, because I really did want to be a pretty girl even though half the women in the world have "below average" looks, whatever that means, and millions of them are very happy anyways. Its also important to know that having a more masculine face can be very attractive on a woman; it is often only the trans woman herself, or other trans people, who see their features as faults. Our dysphoria can really cloud the way we see ourselves.
The best advice I read, in my opinion, was to wait at least two years and see what hormones etc do for you before deciding on breast augmentation or FFS. I am glad I waited, because for me my face and breasts are ok the way they have become. Of course, everyone's needs and path are different. Some women I know have waited until they are in their 40s or 50s or beyond before beginning transition, and live in places (and with careers) that make early FFS, before going "full time", a necessity for them in order to fit in and feel happy socially.
So it all depends. In general, the earlier you start, especially on HRT, the less likely you are to ever need the surgeries to feminize your appearance. The majority of people who transition chemically and socially in their 20s or early 30s do very well without any of those surgeries (as do many of us who are much older). There are many who will save up for SRS (also called GCS) and eventually get it done, or go to work for an employer or go to a university that covers the surgery.
This goes for any age too- any of the transitions in any combination can be right for a particular person, though if you ask me, only #1 and #2 are necessary for every trans or gender variant person.
Feeling good about yourself, and loving your life and the people around you... that to me is what life is all about. The rest is details.
Hope that helps.
-Maddie
