"You're not just going to wake up one day as a girl"

[Lexi Belle]

I would like to clarify also this point.

It is possible to go 100% full time, at least for a MTF, WITHOUT actually coming out.

For a girl it is entirely possible to wear casual.

You can shop in the women's department and look more or less as before, just being careful
of color and accessories.

Of course if you have to work in a suit and tie that won't apply, but in free time it is
possible to be full time without too much "notice". I chose that route and for some months
I was full time but people around me did not notice, only that I was dressing a bit more
"strange".

But that helped a LOT for my GID, because I knew that I was "deleting the male" every day, little
by little.

YMMV

It's not that simple when you live in the same room with a 12 year old boy either. ;p

[Marina mtf]

It's not that simple when you live in the same room with a 12 year old boy either. ;p

that's for sure. Of course you will have to continue to use male underwear, for example...

[Ltl89]

I've been following all this talk about deleting the "male" and have got bit lost, lol.

If anything, I need to simply discover why I feel so scared and worry about everything.  I think this goes beyond my gender issues and actually has much more to do with my self confidence that was impacted from other reasons which are somewhat related (family upbringing, feelings of an inadequacy,  body dysphoria, bullying, etc).  The gender issue is very much real, but the reason I am afraid to embrace it and be true to myself stems from other both trans issues as well as other issues.  I don't think there is anything to delete because the past can't ever be erased.  I guess you could say I just need to "learn to live" with my circumstances.   Right?  Okay, I'm lame, lol.

[KabitTarah]

I've been following all this talk about deleting the "male" and have got bit lost, lol.

If anything, I need to simply discover why I feel so scared and worry about everything.  I think this goes beyond my gender issues and actually has much more to do with my self confidence that was impacted from other reasons which are somewhat related (family upbringing, feelings of an inadequacy,  body dysphoria, bullying, etc).  The gender issue is very much real, but the reason I am afraid to embrace it and be true to myself stems from other both trans issues as well as other issues.  I don't think there is anything to delete because the past can't ever be erased.  I guess you could say I just need to "learn to live" with my circumstances.   Right?  Okay, I'm lame, lol.

Do you use personal affirmations? I keep a diary anyway, but if I'm feeling down about myself or my situation a nice list of those works wonders! Keep at it... you begin to believe what others tell you, but also what you tell yourself. It sounds like you've been believing those negative statements for so long, you're telling them to yourself now too... start telling yourself the opposite and reject any negative statements about who you are or how you look! You can build your inner strength that way!

♥ Good luck!

[Lexi Belle]

I've been following all this talk about deleting the "male" and have got bit lost, lol.

If anything, I need to simply discover why I feel so scared and worry about everything.  I think this goes beyond my gender issues and actually has much more to do with my self confidence that was impacted from other reasons which are somewhat related (family upbringing, feelings of an inadequacy,  body dysphoria, bullying, etc).  The gender issue is very much real, but the reason I am afraid to embrace it and be true to myself stems from other both trans issues as well as other issues.  I don't think there is anything to delete because the past can't ever be erased.  I guess you could say I just need to "learn to live" with my circumstances.   Right?  Okay, I'm lame, lol.

Problems people have tend to be worse when they think about them, like I have noticed MtF woman who looked completely cis get clocked because they couldn't pull themselves together and kept thinking negatively about whether they pass.  If you just "learn to live" with how you are and come to terms with it, I feel all that negativity and all that depression will slowly deminish. It did for me!  I used to be super depressed, but as soon as I let go of the vanity and just accepted that no matter what this does to me or where I end up, I'll always be a girl.  I know, easier said than done.

Anyhoo, I'd prefer to call it burying the male, erasing it is erasing what you fought for.  We go through this and it sucks, but in the end it makes us more resilient.

[Gina_Z]

I want to be gentle about it. I would call it having a preference for the female.

[Lexi Belle]

I want to be gentle about it. I would call it having a preference for the female.

It's not at all a preference for some of us.  I hate that I want to be female, I really do.  I wish I could live being a guy.  I have no choice but to do what I need to to be who my brain meant me to be.  This isn't a preference for me at all!  Since around age 7 I've been completely uncomfortable adapting to the boy roles.  It's definitely not a preference.

[Ltl89]

I want to be gentle about it. I would call it having a preference for the female.

We all identify in different ways.  I tend to fit pretty strongly in the binary category, so I can't personally share that perspective.  Nonetheless, I respect that we all have different views on our identity and fall somewhere unique on the gender scale.  There is no one way or perspective.  It's about who we are and how we come to express ourselves. 

Problems people have tend to be worse when they think about them, like I have noticed MtF woman who looked completely cis get clocked because they couldn't pull themselves together and kept thinking negatively about whether they pass.  If you just "learn to live" with how you are and come to terms with it, I feel all that negativity and all that depression will slowly deminish. It did for me!  I used to be super depressed, but as soon as I let go of the vanity and just accepted that no matter what this does to me or where I end up, I'll always be a girl.  I know, easier said than done.

Anyhoo, I'd prefer to call it burying the male, erasing it is erasing what you fought for.  We go through this and it sucks, but in the end it makes us more resilient.

Yeah, you are probably right.  I just need to get over my unrealistic fear.  For some reason, I feel like people are going to beat me up or yell at me when I start presenting as me.  I have a lot of irrational fears I need to get over that have no basis in reality.

Do you use personal affirmations? I keep a diary anyway, but if I'm feeling down about myself or my situation a nice list of those works wonders! Keep at it... you begin to believe what others tell you, but also what you tell yourself. It sounds like you've been believing those negative statements for so long, you're telling them to yourself now too... start telling yourself the opposite and reject any negative statements about who you are or how you look! You can build your inner strength that way!

♥ Good luck!

I suppose this site contains my personal journal, lol.  Sorry everyone! 

[Gina_Z]

SierraBelle. It's a wide spectrum isn't it? Yeah socially it is a dysphoria for me, but for me it's like wanting chocolate cake instead of ice cream. OK, I'm supposed to want ice cream. I prefer chocolate cake. I'll go with that, and screw society. Thinking about being the perfectly normal guy is for me like thinking about being the perfect height or the perfect personality or something. I accept my flaws. It's a pretty big flaw to be in this guy body and wanting to be a socially acceptable woman. It's a flaw, but I realize dwelling on that is destructive. It's possible to enjoy my femininity and that's my attitude. Feeling like I'm in a horrible situation would be a destructive downer. Like a little person who always thinks they're in a horrible state of smallness. Dwell on the positives. I think it really helps to do that to be happy.

[Ltl89]

SierraBelle. It's a wide spectrum isn't it? Yeah socially it is a dysphoria for me, but for me it's like wanting chocolate cake instead of ice cream. OK, I'm supposed to want ice cream. I prefer chocolate cake. I'll go with that, and screw society. Thinking about being the perfectly normal guy is for me like thinking about being the perfect height or the perfect personality or something. I accept my flaws. It's a pretty big flaw to be in this guy body and wanting to be a socially acceptable woman. It's a flaw, but I realize dwelling on that is destructive. It's possible to enjoy my femininity and that's my attitude. Feeling like I'm in a horrible situation would be a destructive downer. Like a little person who always thinks they're in a horrible state of smallness. Dwell on the positives. I think it really helps to do that to be happy.

You have a healthy perspective.  Focusing on the positives is perhaps the right thing and I strive for that.  I'm just struggling to get to that point, but I'm working on that.   

[Lexi Belle]

SierraBelle. It's a wide spectrum isn't it? Yeah socially it is a dysphoria for me, but for me it's like wanting chocolate cake instead of ice cream. OK, I'm supposed to want ice cream. I prefer chocolate cake. I'll go with that, and screw society. Thinking about being the perfectly normal guy is for me like thinking about being the perfect height or the perfect personality or something. I accept my flaws. It's a pretty big flaw to be in this guy body and wanting to be a socially acceptable woman. It's a flaw, but I realize dwelling on that is destructive. It's possible to enjoy my femininity and that's my attitude. Feeling like I'm in a horrible situation would be a destructive downer. Like a little person who always thinks they're in a horrible state of smallness. Dwell on the positives. I think it really helps to do that to be happy.

Well, I since got over mine.  After I got my hormones I've just been completely mellowed out.  I'm openly effeminate now, even though I haven't actually become socially female anywhere outside the internet, I plan to soon when I can have my own room.

It's hard not to dwell on it if you're still at point zero, because at that point there is little you can use for reassurance.  But I do get what you're saying, I've said it too.

[Heather]

I've been following all this talk about deleting the "male" and have got bit lost, lol.

If anything, I need to simply discover why I feel so scared and worry about everything. I think this goes beyond my gender issues and actually has much more to do with my self confidence that was impacted from other reasons which are somewhat related (family upbringing, feelings of an inadequacy,  body dysphoria, bullying, etc).  The gender issue is very much real, but the reason I am afraid to embrace it and be true to myself stems from other both trans issues as well as other issues.  I don't think there is anything to delete because the past can't ever be erased.  I guess you could say I just need to "learn to live" with my circumstances.   Right?  Okay, I'm lame, lol.

That's called estrogen girl! 

[Violet Bloom]

  After I got my hormones I've just been completely mellowed out.  I'm openly effeminate now, even though I haven't actually become socially female anywhere outside the internet...

  This is the other significant reason I sought hormones - to calm my mind and body.  If I can't be comfortably relaxed I would always stand out as odd no matter what my presentation was.  Once I'm not heavily distracted by my general nerves I will be much more free to be socially outgoing.  I'll never be an extrovert but at least I won't be sitting in the corner quietly feeling like crap or not wanting to even leave the house.  As it stands with even minor progress to my presentation I've never felt better than when I'm out on the busy streets as a woman.  I might be getting a little ahead of myself since there's so much more to come but HRT can only make this even better as my body and calm catch up with my 'enthusiasm'.  Clinical voice therapy has to wait until March for an opening though.  I see a grand summer of 2014 coming!

[Lexi Belle]

  This is the other significant reason I sought hormones - to calm my mind and body.  If I can't be comfortably relaxed I would always stand out as odd no matter what my presentation was.  Once I'm not heavily distracted by my general nerves I will be much more free to be socially outgoing.  I'll never be an extrovert but at least I won't be sitting in the corner quietly feeling like crap or not wanting to even leave the house.  As it stands with even minor progress to my presentation I've never felt better than when I'm out on the busy streets as a woman.  I might be getting a little ahead of myself since there's so much more to come but HRT can only make this even better as my body and calm catch up with my 'enthusiasm'.  Clinical voice therapy has to wait until March for an opening though.  I see a grand summer of 2014 coming!

Have you tried personal training?  It's a good idea while you're waiting, you might get better results through the therapy but still, if you have to wait THAT long, why not try to come up with something at least some part passable?

I can give you the one and only site I used to train my voice, and I'm quite content with my voice now after about 2 to 3 months of training.

[Gina_Z]

I've been following all this talk about deleting the "male" and have got bit lost, lol.

If anything, I need to simply discover why I feel so scared and worry about everything.  I think this goes beyond my gender issues and actually has much more to do with my self confidence that was impacted from other reasons which are somewhat related (family upbringing, feelings of an inadequacy,  body dysphoria, bullying, etc).  The gender issue is very much real, but the reason I am afraid to embrace it and be true to myself stems from other both trans issues as well as other issues.  I don't think there is anything to delete because the past can't ever be erased.  I guess you could say I just need to "learn to live" with my circumstances.   Right?  Okay, I'm lame, lol.

No, you're not lame. You make sense to me.

[KabitTarah]

Have you tried personal training?  It's a good idea while you're waiting, you might get better results through the therapy but still, if you have to wait THAT long, why not try to come up with something at least some part passable?

I can give you the one and only site I used to train my voice, and I'm quite content with my voice now after about 2 to 3 months of training.

I'd love to see that website!! I practice daily, but not in front of a mic - I have a hard time not feeling silly talking into a microphone I guess I need more practice to feel comfortable doing that.

My range is good... I'm most worried about inflection and practicing switching between female and male voice depending on situation (A small fear of mine... get good at talking as a woman and continue to do so at work... oops )

[Lexi Belle]

I'd love to see that website!! I practice daily, but not in front of a mic - I have a hard time not feeling silly talking into a microphone I guess I need more practice to feel comfortable doing that.

My range is good... I'm most worried about inflection and practicing switching between female and male voice depending on situation (A small fear of mine... get good at talking as a woman and continue to do so at work... oops )

Yeeeeeeeah, I can't really switch back. I have to really try but if you just keep in contact with your male voice, you should be fine.  It might naturally raise in pitch a little, but you won't lose the masculinity if you keep it close. xP

Here's the site: http://www.looking-glass.greenend.org.uk/voice.htm

I posted this in Jennygirl's Yeson thread, but here it is again. The progress I got using just that site's tips after the 2 to 3 months of practice.

http://vocaroo.com/i/s0qvr5NWLunM

I have a great set up to practice though, I have been a female online since I was very little and I just played off like I had voice problems, basically mute.  And just came back and said just recently fixed my voice, and since then I've been getting feed back on how well it's been getting.  I know about that talking to a mic thing, though. I felt weird making that Vocaroo recording. xD

[sam79]

Hey Sierra,

I just listened to your recording, WOW!  You sound great, if I didn't know I wouldn't suspect anything at all.

+1. An amazing voice

[vlmitchell]

Heh, just for fun, I'll do the same. I'll also drop range to male so ya'll can see what's possible in a fully masculinized vocal range.

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1TiXxQ1DRUE

Edit: Just to be clear, this is my "lecture voice", I'll update with conversational tonality later, if anyone cares.

Post Edit: Conversational voice, gravel, upspeaking:

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1pWqD7lMYvV

[Lexi Belle]

Heh, just for fun, I'll do the same. I'll also drop range to male so ya'll can see what's possible in a fully masculinized vocal range.

http://vocaroo.com/i/s1TiXxQ1DRUE

LOL! I love the phrase.  Your voice is so much more clear than mine, it's amazing. xD