Quote from: Ms Grace on June 02, 2014, 05:33:24 AM
I have no desire to be dominant or submissive... where does that leave me?? 
vanilla. it's considered most normal by society, so normal that only those who are interested in other things or have read 50 shades would even think of calling it anything at all.
Quote from: Ativan Prescribed on June 02, 2014, 03:41:16 PM
But one thing that has become clear to me as I read it over myself, is that I do indeed have a gender that is comprised of not just one gender, maybe more than two genders, but in general, they do seem to be as I write about them as she and he, but they are identifiers, not roles.
It's become more apparent than ever that they have identities, but they share roles in the same way that they share thoughts and intellect.
It's what they do with that shared knowledge at any given moment or situation.
They have an awareness, I have that awareness, they are after all, me.
That's what defines them, awareness, not the roles they play or even how they identify.
The mistake I have made all my life is in referring to them as she and he, implying that there is a role to be played.
It's not that big of a deal and it is an over simplified way of talking about my gender.
But this does lead me to ask all of you, are you assigning a role to your gender?
And if you are, do they really follow the roles that society has them playing?
Or are they their own roles and you feel that they should have at least some of those roles applied to them...
Are they different sides of you? Or are they really female and male?
that's pretty nicely explained. i'm glad you took the time to write a whole little essay about this.
i did think about assigning roles, or defining by roles, or calling different sides "he" or "she". but pretty much all of me hate gendered pronouns used to define, because i'm not definable in that way. took a little thinking to figure it out, but it's good to know that i didn't waste years to fretting over it before i realized.
but i do think i consist of several entities, or at least identities. not too sure what it really is. only thing i'm sure about is that Taka is an identity that really covers all there is to me. the name just stuck after using it in a context where i could be more of myself than i'd ever dared before that, and i felt more at home there than just accepted. what i like most about it is that it's perfectly gender neutral, though i don't think i could change my name to it.
other than that, i can't be sure of any names i've tried on, or identities that i have used. in the end, all of them might just be different personas, created to fit in a social context, or as a defense mechanism. or some times as a reaction to something else, like having been forced into one role for too long. gendered roles don't apply to me in any way i can find, but they're practical when i don't feel like explaining my entire gender history with people. [real name] is also a whole lot of persona, one that i felt compelled to fit into by other people's expectations. and many of them are explicitly expressed expectations from parents, peers, or others who've had different degrees of power over me in my childhood and youth.
but my gender doesn't seem to be something that can be easily defined by labels. different sides to my person will express themselves, often in rather unexpected ways. the gender those different sides claim to have seem fairly consistent, but i haven't managed to make any of them stick at the surface for much more than a few weeks at a time. and even then, i often switch between personalities almost the same way that i switch languages when talking to different people. it's weird, at times confusing, some times the personalities mix together, or one just disappears without me knowing where it went off to. but i don't think i'd want it any other way.
in offline society, i cover it all up by changing hair colors. makes it easier to keep up my [real name] persona, pretending to be a tomboyish slightly queer cis female isn't all that bad when i can change any aspect of my outward appearance that does not require hormones or surgery. the "female" label is annoying, but practical as long as i don't need to change it. that need may arise when online societies are no longer enough for my male sides to express themselves.
Quote from: Satinjoy on June 02, 2014, 04:22:49 PM
And I need someone to tell me what alpha means and some of the other acronyms I don't understand, like the three or four letter descriptions. I haven't the faintest idea what those mean.
Quote from: LordKAT on June 02, 2014, 05:00:56 PM
Alpha isn't an acronym, it is the first letter of the greek alphabet and denotes superiority and/or dominance.
or the even easier explanation, alpha is the type of behavior one would expect from the alpha male of a wolf pack.
Quote from: FA on June 03, 2014, 01:08:35 PM
And being more submissive - well, the female sex has pretty much been subjugated for as far as history goes back. It's a socialization thing, not an innate trait. Women are pretty much raised to take a back seat, be pleasing and accommodate.
female "submissiveness" might be linked to a lack of desire to attack others for the tiniest excuse one could possibly find. women who survive through anything are likely to raise more offspring into adulthood, and one of the easiest ways to survive is to never get noticed much outside one's home. but i don't really think this makes a woman truly submissive, and i don't think most women would even end up submissive this way, as a strong personality and ability to protect young ones against attackers also can be desirable in a person who is to take care of any offspring.
but it's easy to misunderstand a generally mellow personality as submissive. people often make that mistake with me, some have gotten more than a little shocked when they've started to realize that i can be completely unyielding in matters that are important to me. though i'm usually pretty quiet and don't say much for or against anything as long as people are being fairly reasonable.