The wait

[Lesley_Roberta]

I think we can all agree, if you have no idea how long it will take, it will drive you crazy and into despair.

Now if you are told, you will need to wait 2 years, sure the 2 years will seem to take forever, but, it's a finite span of time, it will eventually happen.

I have found out there are papers in the mail enroute to me. The usual questionnaire process I suppose for this part of the world.

That is phase one. I suppose there will be some amount of waiting involved. I am told 18 months. It will suck. But, I look back, and it seems like yesterday dad passed away, and that was 2007. In 2010 I was reflecting on how the first decade seemed to zoom past too. I can recall so much of the first decade of this century whizzing past. Time is not stationary.

The wife told me today, in conversations with her counselor apparently being Canadian may well mean my SRS needs might even be funded. I might not be dreaming a pipe dream. The day may well come when I can look down there, and that nuisance is nothing but a memory. I sure would like that.

Life has spent altogether too much time telling me to piss off and no this and no that and no the other thing. Damn it, I want this one thing to happen. I am simply too tired of thinking up reasons to NOT do anything regrettable to myself. I need to be able to look at a calendar, and be counting down the days.

I know what I will say if they ask me, 'why do I want this?'. I plan to answer, because I want to live to be an old woman, and if someone doesn't give me the hope, then I don't think I will have much interest in becoming an old anything.

[Robin Mack]

I can only imagine your frustration, dealing with a government process, but there is a *very* good chance your GRS will be funded for you. 

I'll be self-funding everything, so GRS may be quite some time away, but HRT?  Hope I get to start soon.  The first step, for me, is therapy.  Luckily I've been able to begin my transition at least on evenings and weekends at home.

Main reason I am commenting is that ever since I admitted to myself that I am transgendered, I can *see* myself growing old.  I couldn't see myself as an old man; long-term plans did not exist, I was living paycheck to paycheck with no hope for the future.  Now I see a future stretched out before me.

*hug*  You are not alone. 

[Lesley_Roberta]

Therapy is likely the one thing I don't 'need'. I won't mind the chats, I like to chat, but, I really just want someone to say ok take these and we will put you on the list and you can get done when your turn arrives.

The only advice I need, is where to shop for the best deals on a new wardrobe, and how to comprehend a new form of clothing sizing language.

I've had to deal with depression since 1994 from being disabled. I don't need any more counseling of learning about massive life changes.

I've already had to deal with people looking down on me for being 'lazy' and a worthless drain on society, so it's not like I have no skill in dealing with negativity.

I can cope with being told it won't happen tomorrow or next month or even next year. But, I do of course not want to be collecting old age before I get my ID sorted out. I want that cheque to read mrs, not mr.

[Robin Mack]

I recommend thrift shops starting out, you can get a bead on sizing and styles very cheaply before getting new clothing. 

Counseling *may* be required for hormones or surgery, depending on whether you have a place allowing "informed consent" in your area (and depending on laws).

I wish you luck and success in your journey.  Please remember that this is a journey like no other, and help *is* available here and, well, everywhere if you look hard enough.