The "voice" inside...

[Robin Mack]

I know I'm not alone in having an internal voice... in my case, it is not threatening, not abusive, but it sounds rather a lot as if it were me commenting on events during the day... "I need to remember to pick up coffee" or "I wonder if I'm going to regret that decision".

I'm curious (by nature, and about this in particular):  My internal monolog, so far, is my own voice, and it is my male voice, especially when presenting male.  When presenting female, it is easy to hear it as my female voice (or the one I aspire to, anyway).  I wonder if, as I get to FTE, if that will change and I will hear my female voice by default.  Has this happened to anyone?  I imagine the mechanism is the same whether someone is FtM or MtF, which is why I'm posting this in a gender-neutral forum.

Nothing ground-shaking, but interesting, to me anyway.  Any insight is appreciated.

[suzifrommd]

Any insight is appreciated.

I'm three months into full-time, and it's still a male voice. I still feel decidedly male (though I love living as a woman).

It doesn't bother me terribly. I'm as feminine as I need to be and I'm very happy with the way my transition is going.

[Robin Mack]

Thanks, Suzi.    

I'm not bothered terribly myself, just interested.  I'm curious whether it ever changes for some people, or if it changes to match head space (man-mode v woman-mode) or presentation for some...

I know it would be lovely to hear a female voice in my head... I can, if I think about it.  Might be a worthwhile exercise in conjunction with voice training. 

[Lo]

Voice as in tone, or voice as in that you "hear" your thoughts in your head as you think them?

I don't have a voice and never have, I don't think. It's always just been... words, lol.

[Robin Mack]

Voice as in tone, or voice as in that you "hear" your thoughts in your head as you think them?

I don't have a voice and never have, I don't think. It's always just been... words, lol.

I guess I'm more auditory... some people don't hear an actual voice, but I hear the words spoken by my voice (my "male" voice) in the privacy of my head.  It's one of those things people don't talk about much, but that has always fascinated me.

[Aina]

I've actually experimented with this. There be time were I "force" my internal voice to be the ideal female voice I'd want, in attempt to help with my voice training. But when my guard is down its "my" voice.

[Edge]

Oddly enough my "voice" (the one that's supportive of me) has always been male even before I figured out I was trans.

[anjaq]

If I try to think about how that "voice" would sound like, i think I just come to how i sound now - which is - well - has to be worked on. But i dont have an inner voice like that which was really a different "sound" to it than my actual spealking sound. I think this just matches up - if your voice gets different so does this.
Maybe thats why the ones who went to Yeson for VFS are so happy and reporting internal and behavioural changes - because they actually also sound different if they would try to "listen in on their own thoughts"?

[YBtheOutlaw]

mine sounds like my speaking voice, but its attitudes are pretty gender neutral whether i'm in the boy mode or girl mode. it is a very fair judge and it doesn't come into conclusions without proper proof, no matter what my outer self believes. so it still does not categorize me as male or female, but watches over my behaviour and is trying to make a final statement about my gender. but my outer self is quite sure that i'm trans.

[Jessica Merriman]

My inner voice is what made me plan for transition. The thoughts I experienced were so much different from how males that I grew up around were that I knew I should be female. I was thinking in different logic and with concerns over feelings and future end results, which is so different from typical male logic, actions and not thinking how a reaction would work out over time, or caring for that matter.

[Jennygirl]

Now that I think about it, my inner voice has definitely changed after voice surgery. Hearing my old voice in a recording sounds completely foreign to me in every way, and that used to be what I heard in my head. Now I just hear my new voice and I can't even imagine anything else.

[suzifrommd]

Now that I think about it, my inner voice has definitely changed after voice surgery.

Cool.

I've worked on my voice and it totally passes as female now, but my inner voice is still kind of the rugged  guy-vs-world voice I've had for all my adult life.

[Lo]

I guess I'm more auditory... some people don't hear an actual voice, but I hear the words spoken by my voice (my "male" voice) in the privacy of my head.  It's one of those things people don't talk about much, but that has always fascinated me.

Interesting! I feel like I think in a "voice", but when I think about it, it doesn't actually have a sound, though the cadence is very much how I talk. Kinda hard to explain... words and sound, but no distinct voice.

[Lesley_Roberta]

Not many actually experience their own voice recorded. I have always not identified with my own voice. It never seems to sound like what I hear when I hear myself speak.

Oh well, this much I know, I don't think of my inner voice as having gender. It's just me talking.

Granted, I have heard me arguing with someone in there, and in the past before the transition really started, I had threatened someone in there with murder. I sure wanted to kill him I think he dumped me..... have not seen anything of him in a year

[ErinM]

I seem to have multiple inner voices, all with different archetypes that appear at different times, sometimes together and even arguing sometimes. The for more prominent ones are:

"The sad and frightened girl" - female: basically this is the voice of my dysphoria.

"The Protector and Analyst" - male: my constructed persona, and fixer of broken objects

"The Critic" a.k.a. "The Dark Voice" - male: come around to beat me up from time to time and convince me that I'm doomed to fail.

"The mother" - female: my nurturing compassionate voice. Often shows up to comfort me after I've listened to The Girl and The Critic too long.

[Robin Mack]

Wow... a lot of great discussion here!  There was a time, not too long ago, when I would have been afraid of bringing up such a topic.  Odd how things change when you realize it's *ok* to to talk about some of the quirkier things about being human.

As I'm typing this now, I'm hearing it in my "female" voice.  The narrator is still largely male, although sometimes I hear female overtones.  Interesting stuff.

[~RoadToTrista~]

I have three; they all seem to be different higher versions of my real voice. I actually hear them outside my head when I'm being vocal as well, but I assume that's only my perception and other people will hear my voice differently. There's a higher preppy female voice (when I'm excited), a more lower androgynous female voice that can come in several different tones (generally but more so when I'm being cynical), and a lower androgynous male voice (if I'm being an ->-bleeped-<-, or if I talk without being focused on something)

[sarahb]

Now that I think about it, my inner voice has definitely changed after voice surgery. Hearing my old voice in a recording sounds completely foreign to me in every way, and that used to be what I heard in my head. Now I just hear my new voice and I can't even imagine anything else.

This is what I'm really looking forward to. I hate forcing my voice into any particular range, so I don't really try to unless I'm in the company of others. It feels like I'm not being honest and true to myself when I do that. However, that has hindered my ability to fully enjoy and express myself, since my natural voice is still decidedly male, and when I hear my inner voice it's that same voice. But that voice isn't "me", in the sense that I know I am female and yet I hear this male voice. I'm not looking for any particular voice, just something that I can hear and say, yes, that's me.

Having that disconnect between who I am and who I hear causes a lot of anxiety and hasn't allowed me to fully break down those walls I've built. Once I can think and talk and hear "me" there will be nothing stopping me from fully enjoying and experiencing life.

[andrews49]

My inner voice sounds nothing like the actual voice I have when I speak. It's hard to explain but it doesn't sound male or female. But I like it