So i'll start by saying I've been quietly lurking here for about a month now. (hehe I've been watching youuuu
)
After reading all the things everyone has said here I finally decided to start putting things into place, the first of which is actually joining this site. So...I guess I'll just open my mouth (fingers?) and hopefully you can make sense of the incoherent babbling that is my hello...
I'm a 21 year old male that, as of now, hasn't started my transition. You see, I'm the kind of person that REALLY likes to think about things and make sure I analyze every aspect of it before I make a move. But I'm finally to the point where I'm positive I want to start seeing a therapist, get my stuff sorted out, and hopefully in a month (oh god no longer) I'll start on hormones. I'm just stuck in the middle of insurance companies and waiting for the point where a therapist/pills wont cost me both my arms, a leg, and quite possibly anything in between (well, maybe something in between, but that's neither here-nor-there).
Uhm...
I guess you could say I really started moving out of my own gender box when I was around 3 years old when my favorite game was playing dress up. With my older cousins dresses. Then, at 5 I started stealing my sisters' nail polish. And...I suppose from there it all became a confusing lump of gender identity crisis. You see, I grew up in a VERY conservative household. So once the pre-pubescent brainwashing could start...it did. My entire life has been pretty black-and-white about almost everything. So I shunned my feeling about being "girly" out the window and just shrugged it off whenever
one or two all of my friends said I acted gay/girly/weird. Essentially I had the mindset "Okay, I was born this way so I just HAVE to be a guy, right? Right. I mean, I'm attractive. Girls like me. Sure, this is totally right."
...Then college hit
I took Human Sexuality 101, and it honestly changed my life. In one foul swoop my ignorance bubble was popped and I finally realized maybe I was actually MEANT to be the way I am. I'm sure many of you know what I'm talking about when I say I had my first moment of clarity - a pause between the hectic confusion of "who am I" to the final realization of "who I am".
I worked with my professor some, and she gave me a lot of advice. Honestly, she was a godsend to me. Without her I'd still be staring at the mirror for hours on end just wondering exactly what it was that didn't seem right.
So, to make a long story short, two years later and here I am. It's taken a long time to rid myself of how I was raised. That you are born this way, there is no question, you can't possibly think differently, if you change something then you're breaking it, and my personal favorite "if god wanted you to be a girl he would have done it". Don't get my wrong, I love my family and my parents more than anything in the world. They made me who I am and I wouldn't have it any other way. But...they don't exactly understand where I'm coming from.
So anywhoo, that's my story. Sorry for being so long (told you, the blabbering is endless). Currently my first step is to find a great gender therapist (In cincinnati, know any?), that way I'm not doing this alone and I have someone who can offer me advice or help. Then, like I said, hopefully in a month or so I can start hormones :3
Oh, here's more random stuff about me:
-I went to school for music (double bass performance, orchestra)
-My favorite color is blue
-I'm a GM at Chipotle Mexican Grill (burritos for all!)
- I haven't told anybody or 'come out' to anyone other than my professor. And I probably wont until a few months into HRT. My friends are almost as closed-minded as my family. Also, me being the typical "attractive cool guy" doesn't help. I'm honestly terrified. Like, a lot. A lot a lot.
- I currently have a girlfriend. Shocking?
- I'm a pisces?
-Er... long walks on the beach are nice I guess
- Okay I've completely run out of things to say...
<3
