Family and all that crap

[mowdan6]

It is getting to be a bit much.  My family would not speak to me for 7 years, when I first came out.  Now, I am the primary care giver for my Dad,  (who I took  to the VA this past week and he was diagnosed as legally blind.) My Mom didn't talk to me for years, still tells me I am not allowed to come home, but calls because at 84 years old she is having medical problems and asks for my help. And I do what I can. 
I am tired.  I am worn out.  I am willing to help my family.  My Dad is awesome.  Totally accepts me as his son.  And we have a great relationship.  But he can be trying.  He is a very negative person.  With my mom, it is conditional.  If she needs my help, I am her son...otherwise I am nothing.  I am just getting worn out.  I love my parents, but this 24/7 stuff is too much.

[Ltl89]

I'm really sorry Mowdan.  It's messed up that your mother would ask you for help yet not allow you in the house.  I live with my mom and we have a don't ask don't tell thing going on, so it doesn't bother me that my mom asks for help because I live there and she tries to ignore everything.  With your mom, it sounds like you are being used.  That's not right.  I don't know what to say as we all handle family situations different, but I do hope your relationship will improve.

[Devlyn]

Big hug! I wish I could help. I'm always here for you, hugs, Devlyn

[Megumi]

I'm sorry to hear how they use you when it helps them but then turn around and hurt you for being yourself. While it's tough you just have to struggle through it as these trying times will eventually pass and you'll have some closure to this time in your life. I understand the feeling of what it's like helping your family when they are in need but I haven't dealt with being out with them and them still wanting my help but being treated like crap while you help them. Big hugs!

[izzy]

I wish for your family and you to have some sort of peace and for forgiveness. Its pretty cruel to ask somebody whom thye neglected for all these years. Perhaps something good could happen with this

[Lesley_Roberta]

Hmmm 84, she's lucky to be breathing, but, hmm it's not like you get to be sufficiently old, that some forms of behaviour are acceptable.

My mom is 80. And she is reminded repeatedly, that as she has always been there for me, she will never need fear me being there for her.

She accepts me without conditions. Yes she still messes up the pronouns, I understand, not easy to not have a son after having had one for 50 years eh. We of the TG community need to offer understanding as well as demand it eh.

But, if your mom is only interested in you when SHE needs you, and she won't let you in the home otherwise, hmm well just so long as you understand, my problem is with her, not you. But she needs to feel a dose of being abandoned. Sorry mom, I needed you, you ditched me for 7 years, I want the 7 years back, or well, I will likely not realize when you are gone, as I won't be there to realize it.

Harsh? yes of course it is harsh. It was harsh when she did it to you.

Hey, I tell people it is their right to be a doormat and be taken advantage of eh. If you do nothing, well that is your choice. But if you do nothing, please, stop complaining, as things are the way you want them if you plan to do nothing. I'd rather support a person fighting for a change.

Glad to hear your dad is cool with things.

[Jessica Merriman]

I can relate a little to your situation and applaud your efforts. As a medic I can only tell you that older members of society are difficult by nature to deal with in normal situations. Add an issue like ours and it is worse. Do what you can and be the bigger person and you will reap the rewards. Maybe not with your parents, but some one watching you may change by seeing the kindness you provide through the adversity. Good luck an BIG HUG! 

[Gina Taylor]

I can relate a little to your situation and applaud your efforts. As a medic I can only tell you that older members of society are difficult by nature to deal with in normal situations. Add an issue like ours and it is worse. Do what you can and be the bigger person and you will reap the rewards. Maybe not with your parents, but some one watching you may change by seeing the kindness you provide through the adversity. Good luck an BIG HUG! 

I agree 100% with Jessica. A friend just told me that blood is thicker than water, and sometimes you have to do what is right just to keep peace in the family.

[SarahM777]

Mowdan,

I understand. Do you have any one else that can help you out from time to time? Sometimes we just need a bit of a break.

[Rachel]

Hugs, It sounds like you need to establish some limits or time to yourself to recharge the battery.