slowly transitioning into ft girl clothes...

[anjaq]

The slow transition was my plan... I started with wearing panties and a bra and womens tee shirt under male clothes.

Oh - that is not what I would have considered as slowly transitioning. When I talked about this before I was more thinking about outward appearance, things that people actually notice, not stuff that you do just for yourself. Anways - you already moved into that right away:

And with the exception of when I'm at work I pretty much wear womens clothing everywhere. Granted, like I said, it's winter, and a lot of winter clothing is androgynous.

Yes exactly. And in fact, this is possible not only in winter, as some looks - like Jeans and T-Shirts and sneakers are pretty unisex too. There is lot of unisex stuff that can be worn and if one wants one can get a slightly more female version of it. Usually it basically means the cut is a bit different (More waist, hips, different leg cuts) or the buttons are on the other side. That way one can basically walk around in clothing that says nothing about the gender. And then you can start HRT and maybe get a different haircut and do laser and you will see how the perception of new people who do not know you changes and the perception of people who knew you before does not.

"You're looking very metrosexual chic today. You probably don't want to hear this, but with a little makeup and some hair styling you'd make a hot woman." I damn near told her "No no, please, tell me more!" And right then I decided she's going to be the first person I know that I come out to (I'm waiting until I actually start HRT before I do that.)

But now I dress slightly more and more fem around her every time I see her, and she complements me everytime, which has only helped boost my confidence.

Hey, yes, thats so cool. I loved having such people around. Same with doing a female fairy costume for a costume ball once. Got lots of compliments about how well that suited me and such. Just gloating
But beware - even if she and some others will "see it", surprisingly for many others it still will be a huge shock once you come out and they never expected it despite your choice of clothes. They do not perceive you, they just assume they perceive you, but in fact are just calling up memories when they recognize you, without checking the reality. This is probably why people we know will still see us in the old way even months and years after transitioning, even after FFS if that was done. And probably this is also part of the reason of our self-consciousness. The situation we look in the mirror years after transitioning and on a bad day we think we look like a guy from the past. I think it may hook into the same issue...

[Missadventure]

But beware - even if she and some others will "see it", surprisingly for many others it still will be a huge shock once you come out and they never expected it despite your choice of clothes. They do not perceive you, they just assume they perceive you, but in fact are just calling up memories when they recognize you, without checking the reality. This is probably why people we know will still see us in the old way even months and years after transitioning, even after FFS if that was done. And probably this is also part of the reason of our self-consciousness. The situation we look in the mirror years after transitioning and on a bad day we think we look like a guy from the past. I think it may hook into the same issue...

Oh, I'm sure that'll be true. My situation is probably unique in that I really just moved here and have pretty much cut ties with everyone I knew before september. We keep in touch online still. But, they're totally in the dark about me. And when it comes time for me to "tell the world" (meaning them) about my transition, many of them wont understand, and most will probably vanish. But the reality is they're pretty much already gone.

My biggest fear is losing my best friend. I'm currently living in his house, but he's studying overseas until July. We've been friends for decades, and have shared so much with each other, yet I've never been able to tell him about my feelings and desire to transition. Now, when he comes home, he'll be coming home to a person he wont recognize. I know he's fine with transgender as a concept. But, it's one thing to say "She used to be a man, whatever, she's still a cool person and that's what matters", which is what his attitude would be about a stranger, it's entirely different to say "I've known this person for 22 years and he was practically my brother, but now it turns out he's a she and I didn't really know her at all." So. I'm afraid of all that.

But, in terms of the people I've met since moving here. None of them really have firmly cemented perceptions of me yet, so as I transition whatever perceptions they're making of me will be that of me in transition. Will they accept the final result? who knows. But I've lived in the shadow of not transition due to fear of not being accepted for far too long, and I'm going to take advantage of the fact that for the first time in my life I don't have that fear standing over my shoulder anymore.

I dunno. Complex topic. Complex feelings. Etc. My plan on how to deal with all of this is very fluid and totally being played by ear at this point.

[kellypatrick]

missadventure,
  You might be suprised on how many people from your past accept you. I would say that one third of my friends have contacted me and supported me after i came out. My best friend has been really supportive since I told him we have talked ever other day. One of my male cousins who is pretty macho, he hunts, plays lacrosse and a vet, called to say he is going to be in Fort Lauderdale for a lacrosse tournament this weekend and wanted me to come down to see him if possible. I told him I would and that I would come as kevin since I know I not on hrt and still don't have my voice down or anything.( I know why come out when still starting early, I know that I have been destined to become Kelly my whole life and wanted everyone to know it) Sorry I got off topic, but main point is I think you will be really suprised.
hugs
Kelly

[Missadventure]

missadventure,
  You might be suprised on how many people from your past accept you. I would say that one third of my friends have contacted me and supported me after i came out. My best friend has been really supportive since I told him we have talked ever other day. One of my male cousins who is pretty macho, he hunts, plays lacrosse and a vet, called to say he is going to be in Fort Lauderdale for a lacrosse tournament this weekend and wanted me to come down to see him if possible. I told him I would and that I would come as kevin since I know I not on hrt and still don't have my voice down or anything.( I know why come out when still starting early, I know that I have been destined to become Kelly my whole life and wanted everyone to know it) Sorry I got off topic, but main point is I think you will be really suprised.
hugs
Kelly

I am discovering the surprise of finding out who in my life is supportive. I ended up coming out to the girl I was planning to sooner than expected. She wasn't surprised. The first thing she said was "Yaaay! I finally have a sister who isn't a total bitch! Come over and lets drink some wine and paint each others nails!" She outed me to her husband later that day, and he's still confused by it, but he's trying to be supportive. Her children unfortunately just don't get it and think I'm super weird, which I kind of expected. Bolstered by that I told other friends from my past. All of them have been blindsided by it, but looking back they start to realize they saw signs of it. And they've more or less been supportive, although some have also taken a "meh, whatever" attitude. One girl from my past who I figured would be totally supportive has been totally apathetic. Her husband, on the other hand, who I always felt the need to be extra "manly" around, thinks it's the coolest thing ever. When he talks to me about it, his excitement level is much the same as I would expect had I just told him I won a game show. I also told a friend of my mothers. Mind you, my mom passed away 11 years ago, and I don't really have much contact with her friends. And, they all remember me as a shy teenage boy. But, this woman sent me a "welcome to the sisterhood of women" card (hallmark makes such things, I'm somewhat shocked) and a $50 visa gift card with the instructions "every girl needs to be pampered now and again. use this for something fun and festive!"

In fact, so far only one person out of the 15 or so I've told has been "negative". My ex. She told me she's not surprised, and that at some level she's always known. And she congratulated me, and said she'll be supportive. But then turned around and blamed me being this way for the destruction of our relationship (which, honestly, isn't true). Then she told me that being in a relationship with someone struggling with their gender ID was incredibly damaging and unhealthy for her. Then she turned right back around and said I should absolutely follow this path to becoming who I feel I am and that she wishes me all the best. It quite frankly left me in tears.

[lisarenee]

i agree there - people do often see past the clothes and if they do that and think of you as a male hiding behind too obviously feminine clothes, its worse. What has to change is what is inside these clothes, then the clothes dont matter.

Funny thing is that I seem to pass more easily wearing more androgynous clothes like Womens Jeans and Shirts and less (focused on eyes and beard) makeup.

[Jessica Merriman]

UPDATE

Well my issue with slowly changing got scrapped. I went to my therapist totally femmed out intending to spend a couple of hours dressed and guess what? When I got home I realized how relaxed I had been all day and had a really good time, that I skipped Part Time and am now Full Time! I just could not go back to being "him" anymore. I have never felt better in my life and the future looks bright. I am so happy! Maybe there is something to this jumping in philosophy? 

[anjaq]

Lol, yeah THAT happens at some point as well. The dread of going back to something is just too big so just scrap that and go full speed ahread Good for you...

[Sophia Hawke]

I been more or less ft for a while now.  Once you get the bare min stuff its quite easy.  I still Dont have enough shoes boots or sandals(can you ever?). I like to make things into outfits and set them up individually so I Dont have to mix and and match(takes too long)

[smile_jma]

I think the clothes process for me has taken about a year or so to not have 1 guy article, save for boxers because quite frankly, a squished PP 24/7 isn't always fun. Esp when it's hot.  Anyway, I'm not a dress person, but all I have are womens bottoms (80% skinny?), some leggings, tops that are womens, yet my ex coworkers still didn't figure me out wearing that stuff.  I don't do makeup yet. I should...but I think it accentuates the manliness in my face for some reason.  I pass without (apparently), so...

[AnneB]

I'm 5 months into my transition, only out to my sister (9yrs younger), and two coworkers just this past week, one of which finished her transition last year.. She's the one that gave me the courage to let the other cisfemale in on my life.  I will be telling my supervisor soon (next week or so).  My friend spent several hours with me last week, telling me about her journey, work and all.  She was offered to take a leave, then come back after it's over, but declined saying being gone, then coming back totally transformed would be a bad thing, so she remained at work during her transition, changing a little each day (or thereabouts).  I will likely do the same, transition slowly while still going to work.

At home, I have been in girls jeans for months, and the family, well, my youngest daughter, just noticed that I was wearing her old jeans that were on the Goodwill pile.  I use Burts Bees shimmering lip balm but no other makeup, other than some small concealer to hide the dark circles under my eyes.

As for other clothes, I have .. like.. 8 girls jeans from Goodwill/Salvation Army (thrift stores) and several camis also from there.  I am not out with the family yet.. but I think soon I will have to be, as my boobs are a B and cant hide them under t-shirts.  I also wear girls Avia sneakers, (light blue piping).  Have been for several months, so that's my slow transitioning.