Dealing with nervousness talking

[badsamaritan]

As I mentioned in the "do I pass?" thread, I started presenting as female today. It went okay for the most part (I passed as well as you all said I would! Thank you so much!), but I have a massive problem in that I get so nervous talking to people that if I try to use my girl voice it cracks and does the awful falsetto thing and/or disappears completely and leaves me making weird rasping noises, which in turn is making me more nervous about using it in front of people. It's really frustrating. Do any of you have any tips on dealing with that nervousness? Is my best bet to just use it and not worry what about what I'll sound like/be ready to switch back to male voice if it fails me?

Thank you!

[Seras]

Wish I knew!

Sometimes I sound OKish when I practice but I am yet to be able to get the guts to do it IRL. Your voice is such a personal thing it seems a big deal to me to expose it D:

Luckily I have plenty of time yet until I will have problems from being on HRT and really need it.

[FrancisAnn]

I've never tried to use 2 voices. My voice is kind of feminine it seems so I just speak as clear as possible & try to produce each word clearly. Long ago I tried a higher pitch voice level & that was just impossible to maintain so I just stoped. ?

[Jessica Merriman]

Hate to say it, but practice is the only way I know. Record your voice and play back. The hardest thing for me is to relax, but once you do it is almost natural. I think everyone stresses at first, but you will get used to it. Good luck.

[sam79]

Have to say, I feared the same thing may happen when I go full time. In an attempt to solve that, I've just started to use my girl voice in public while presenting andro, as well as using it when presenting female of course. It still doesn't radiate with confidence, but it is doing the basic job and is improving.

What I've learned so far though... Relax!!! A relaxed voice and body works so much better.  And don't be hard on yourself. You've just gone full time, that would be stressful enough. So what if you voice slips occasionally? Heck, you could even laugh at the slip-ups . Very likely to do that myself.

[Cindy]

I went with the it's not my problem technique.

I don't care what people think about me. I'm me. If people have a problem with my voice, look, anything.... well so what? It isn't my problem

The funny thing is that no one seems to care. I'm confident, I'm happy, I smile, I engage people into talking to me and it works.

I'm just writing in a new topic about my experience today, I strongly think that passing is something that ships do in the night. Humans engage and talk to each other!!

[Lesley_Roberta]

Well we hear what we want to hear and the recording device hears the truth

You will simply need to talk and talk and talk and talk some more into a recording device and actually listen to your voice. My advice use your car, no one to listen to you and you can talk loud and clear and get the REAL sound of your voice. Pick a topic that makes you laugh, and pick a topic that makes you angry and pick one that makes you awkward. Be very careful to actually get right into the conversations, become actually angry as if you were debating something.

Our voices are based on what we are saying and why. I'm a damn sight different when I am saying something funny to my wife, than when I am upset about something eh.

But actually making a male voice into a female voice? I would expect your chances to be a lot less successful that your make up and ward robe efforts. Easy to find a dress that looks good than find a voice anyone will believe belongs in a female.

[Magnolia88]

I'm worried about this too. Every time I try to talk in a girl voice, I end up sounding like a flamboyant gay man. I want it to sound more natural but I don't know how.

[Lesley_Roberta]

I think of how it seems too many stereotypical gay men seem to move and gesture in what seem like over played over emphasized motions, and it is possible they are trying too hard.

That's just an observation and likely a horribly inaccurate one too. But anyway, it is possible you might be trying too hard.

There ARE some things that are not easy to change just on need alone.

I'm not sure I am even going to try to alter my voice.

[Lauren5]

I think of how it seems too many stereotypical gay men seem to move and gesture in what seem like over played over emphasized motions, and it is possible they are trying too hard.
That's just an observation and likely a horribly inaccurate one too. But anyway, it is possible you might be trying too hard.
There ARE some things that are not easy to change just on need alone.
I'm not sure I am even going to try to alter my voice.

You should at least give it a try. I'm going to, and I have a rather low voice, my best singing voice is bass. Not good when trying to be a woman, but I haven't really tried yet.
Rarely, if ever, is there harm in trying

[badsamaritan]

Thanks for the responses, everyone!

Yeah, I've been practicing with a microphone for more than a year and I do fine when it's just me and my computer (and even do pretty well over the phone and on Skype)--it's just that in person I can't find the right place and half the time I end up with that awful falsetto squawk.

It sounds like I should just do my best to talk a lot. It's really stressful talking and not knowing if it's going to sound terrible, but if I'm just with close friends it's not so bad.

[Seras]

Do you play computer games?

Some people have said pretty good practice is using VOIP talking to people on a game or whatever. Since you can easily end up just chatting and stuff, or need to speak to play the game right, and if you're used to talking on your computer anyway it may be a good bridge to using it in the real world public space.

[kira21 ♡♡♡]

Hate to say it, but practice is the only way I know. Record your voice and play back.
...
I think everyone stresses at first, but you will get used to it. Good luck.

^^ This

[Lexi Belle]

Thanks for the responses, everyone!

Yeah, I've been practicing with a microphone for more than a year and I do fine when it's just me and my computer (and even do pretty well over the phone and on Skype)--it's just that in person I can't find the right place and half the time I end up with that awful falsetto squawk.

It sounds like I should just do my best to talk a lot. It's really stressful talking and not knowing if it's going to sound terrible, but if I'm just with close friends it's not so bad.

I first started out with about 2 to 3 months with endless practice with my female voice using nothing but Skype and a few online friends I had told about my situation- all of them, despite having a very monotone scratchy voice said they wouldn't have even known I was ever a guy.  After those 3 months, I came back to my mother's and freaked everyone out.  So, I think Skype is a very good place to get practice. (League of legends! <3)
I did it, and for the first few days I was back I had people freaking out about a girl in my room.

In the end, I think you're not giving yourself enough credit.  It IS easier to pass in Skype and on the phone, but if you can pass well then you'll at least pass a little in real life.  So, stop worrying and you should do juuuust fine.