Few Questions you asked yourself to find out

[Inazuma]

Hello Everyone !

I decided to start this tread because I couldn't find any on the forum which really fitted to my need..
But if you know a discussion already existing that fits, please just tell me !

So basically, I would like to ask you which Keys questions did you asked yourself to confirm your doubts about your gender identity?
Maybe also, questions that your friends or therapist asked you !

I just just started to go in a sort of therapie, in a social center for queer.
The people there are amaizing, but the person to whom I speak to isn't a proper Psy.
He does have a lot of experience, being trans guy himself, but I was wondering if you could just trow me some more Key Questions?
(Questions or even tests or games or what so ever helped you analyse yourself.)

Thank you !! 

[suzifrommd]

So basically, I would like to ask you which Keys questions did you asked yourself to confirm your doubts about your gender identity?

I asked how I would feel if I would never be able to act male, feel male, hang with males, and live as a male again.

The answer was that it would be really strange, but I could deal with it.

Then I asked how I would feel if I would never be able to act female, feel female, hang with females, or live as a female.

The answer was that I would feel like a part of me had been cut off.

It was then I knew that, at the core, I was a woman.

[Inazuma]

Thank you for your answer, that's quite a nice one.

[Kaylee]

Some that I worked through

"If given the opportunity, would I prefer to of been born female?" - Obviously!!

"If given a button that would allow you to instantly become female, without any of the pain of transitioning and no one could tell the difference, would you press it?" - If that was possible I'd do it in a heartbeat, so why not at least try

One that I asked a friend to help her understand was "Do you ever think about/imagine/wish" you were born the opposite sex?" - The answer is generally no from cis people, and yes from trans - even if its not at the front of your mind, or that frequent the thoughts are still there.

[Emmaline]

Gimme that button. 

Lay back.  Close your eyes.  Imagine yourself female, waking up and about go about your day.  Imagine what your sleeping in, imagine the whole experience footstep by footstep...breakfast,  going to the bathroom, getting ready, meeting friends... perhaps shopping, enjoying the weekend.  Do this for a good half an hour in as much detail as you can.  Are you smiling just thinking about it?

Now do the same male.

That experience should tell you a great deal.

One excellent question I read was... if you washed up on a deserted island with no hope of rescue- Ever- and a lifetimes supply of hormones would you take them.   How would you dress?





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[Sephirah]

These may not be questions you will get asked. But when I first found myself, these are the questions which needed to be answered, for me:

Question: "Who are you?"
Answer: "Someone different to the way I look to the world."

Question: "How do you feel knowing that?"
Answer: "It hurts. A lot."

Question: "What hurts?"
Answer: "Feeling a body which isn't right. Parts which aren't there which should be. Parts which are there which shouldn't be. Which revulse me. Feeling like you're trapped inside a costume and can't find the zipper to release yourself."

Question: "What would make the hurting stop?"
Answer: "Being the person I see in my mind's eye, who inhabits my dreams and every waking moment."

Question: "So who are you?"
Answer: "A voice without a mouth. A dream without a dreamer."

Question: "Can you stay like this?"
Answer: "Not anymore."

[Kaylee]

One excellent question I read was... if you washed up on a deserted island with no hope of rescue- Ever- and a lifetimes supply of hormones would you take them.   How would you dress?
.

I've seen that one before as well.  Anwers would be "Yes" and "Butt naked unless it got cold, well maybe a fig leaf to hide the one eyed monster!"

[Taka]

how many times have you wished or prayed that you'd wake up as the opposite sex? (more than once)
how would you feel about suddenly waking up as the opposite sex? (exhilarated)
how long do you think you would want to stay as the opposite sex, if given a magic pill? (for a very long time)

or the one that made most impact on me:
how would you feel about being trapped in either (binary) gender for the rest of your life, without ever getting an opportunity to change?
the thought terrified me. i'm obviously some sort of androgyne.

[Ciara]

Do I think as a girl or do I think as a guy who wants to be a girl?
Given the choice, would I choose a permanent male or female body?
How would I feel if I could never present as a man again?
How would I feel if I could never present as a woman again?
Do I love being a man or do I love being a woman?
Who am I.......

By the way, I love Emmaline's answer. I'm already looking forward to doing that this evening. Thank you Emmaline!!
Ciara

[carrie359]

Gimme that button. 

Lay back.  Close your eyes.  Imagine yourself female, waking up and about go about your day.  Imagine what your sleeping in, imagine the whole experience footstep by footstep...breakfast,  going to the bathroom, getting ready, meeting friends... perhaps shopping, enjoying the weekend.  Do this for a good half an hour in as much detail as you can.  Are you smiling just thinking about it?

Now do the same male.

That experience should tell you a great deal.




One excellent question I read was... if you washed up on a deserted island with no hope of rescue- Ever- and a lifetimes supply of hormones would you take them.   How would you dress?

Great thought Emmaline... I think those thought throughout the day at moments but if I did it the way you describe I would end up Extremely distraught.

Inazuma,
Too answer your question..not a day has gone by in my life I have not just known. Sadly, its with me all the time. I knew as a young child and I know now but here are a few questions I will answer.
When did I first notice something was not right with my gender... Answer 1st grade for sure and from then on.
Could it be just a fetish thing..just a turn on to girls clothes..Answer no. I started cross dressing before puberty.
Could it be just a fantasy I had as a little boy that I should be able to get over.  Answer,, don't I wish..I am tired of the pain and anguish..it sucks. I have tried.
And here is a sad one I will answer honestly: If you could push the magic button and wake up as a girl would you give up all your current loved ones just to be who you are.. answer .. yes and I am ashamed to say yes but its true.





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[Lo]

or the one that made most impact on me:
how would you feel about being trapped in either (binary) gender for the rest of your life, without ever getting an opportunity to change?
the thought terrified me. i'm obviously some sort of androgyne.

Yep, this.

"If, in social settings, I was only allowed to be in a group of same-gender people, which would I feel comfortable with?"

Men? Definitely not. Women? More bearable because I know what to expect and how to handle them, but not that one either.

"Which normatively defined gender role am I more comfortable embodying, even on an occasional basis?"

Neither.

"How do I approach sex?"

As a masochist, plaything, and a creep. I do not lean M or F in the bedroom.

"What toys did I play with most as a child?"

Legos, K'nex, educational toys. Animal-shaped action figures.

"What body parts do I prefer to flaunt if I had to choose?"

Face, hands, butt.

"What relationship do I have to my genitals? If they could be something else, what?"

I didn't know I had a vagina until I was a teenager. Like really knew. After puberty it was just a body part that hemorrhaged sometimes, and before that, it was always a surprise to look down and see anything. For me right now, having a vagina and functioning reproductive system feels like a medical "condition" for which there is no adequate cure more than anything else. Having a penis is completely out of the question for me. I plan on having a hysterectomy and am beginning to wish that a surgery existed to close up the vagina altogether but keep the clitoris intact. (Partial FtM SRS?) Even then, I'm not sure I'd do it. I can't imagine it would be cheap or easy.

"How do I feel about hormones?"

I wish a sex hormone existed that had no noticeable effect on the mind the way that E or T does. I would take T, but all the changes that I want would require that I took it indefinitely, and all the side effects I don't want are the permanent ones. I currently take birth control for a medical condition, endometriosis, and I've made peace with it by thinking of it in those terms. The mood changes that came with it dialed way down after the first few months, but I think of them as side effects necessary to keep my body from damaging itself and putting me in horrendous pain.

[Jill F]

I knew for sure I had to transition when my therapist asked me, "If there was nothing whatosever preventing you from tranistioning, wouldn't you just want to be Jill 24/7?"  I was already on a low dose of E at the time and in fact, there was nothing whatsoever preventing me from trasitioning.  It turned out that I only presented myself as male when I thought I had to meet someone else's expectations, and I wasn't out to everyone at the time.  I went full time a few weeks later after the laser and E started to work their magic, came out to everyone basically all at once and then purged my MALE wardrobe.  I never looked back. 

[KabitTarah]

"What toys did I play with most as a child?"

Legos, K'nex, educational toys. Animal-shaped action figures.

Careful with this... those of us (MTF) in hiding often only played with boy toys. Though I had a sister so My Little Ponies and other animal toys were also popular.

For me... I didn't ask myself questions. I have 150+ pages written in a 5x8" moleskine diary over the 10 weeks and some days since I came out to myself. I've visualized my history and recovered a lot of hidden memories... memories that leave it 100% clear in my mind that I've never been anything but transgender. What I can remember clearly ranges from age 8-10 (earliest) to only a month or so before I came out (I make beer and tried supplementing with hops - very high in phytoestrogens - for about a week before I freaked out and stopped).

Becoming certain took me a few weeks, but I'm absolutely as certain as I can be pre-HRT. The clues are probably in your past - especially if you were in hiding (I don't know how old you are). I REALLY REALLY wish I could remember more... since I had some girl friends in the neighborhood in pre-school and kindergarden... and I want to know how I played with them.

[Zambie]

Probably the most important question I ever asked myself was this: Do I identify with my assigned gender because I enjoy living as my assigned gender, or do I identify with my assigned gender because I think I HAVE to be my assigned gender?

[Lo]

Careful with this... those of us (MTF) in hiding often only played with boy toys. Though I had a sister so My Little Ponies and other animal toys were also popular.

I played with whatever I could get my grubby hands on, and I was lucky in that I usually got whatever kinds of toys that I asked for Xmas and the like.

But there was definitely a very strong sense of affinity for non-human toys because they weren't obviously gendered. Animals always had a genderlessness to me that I identified very strongly with and it was much easier to be who I wanted to be (ie neither girl nor boy) if I was playing with, say, a Jurassic Park dinosaur or Beanie Baby than a GI Joe or Barbie. I could "get into it" more. Some of my friends thought I was weird because I was always wanting to be animal and monster characters.

So it was a question and answer that was meaningful to me, not necessarily anyone else.

[Robin Mack]

I had to work through aesthetic issues, in particular.  I've always imagined my body as an aesthetically pleasing female body.  I've longed for curves, proportions, etc, while at the same time I've yearned to socialize as a woman and take part in the community of women.

So, for me, when I was trying to be *certain* the question that sealed the deal was:
Q: If you could live as a woman, but an unattractive woman who had to live the rest of her life without a romantic partner because of some kind of taboo or stigma, would you do it?
A:  Yes, it is worth it to me to present as a woman, no matter what.

That's when I started accepting myself and coming out to my friends, and eventually booked my first gender therapy appointment.

[Lauren5]

What I was asked when i was doubtign myself:
"How do you really want to live your life? What do you want from life? Can you get that from masquerading yourself as a man, or do you want to bring your female self onto the outside? What makes you happy?"

[KabitTarah]

I played with whatever I could get my grubby hands on, and I was lucky in that I usually got whatever kinds of toys that I asked for Xmas and the like.

But there was definitely a very strong sense of affinity for non-human toys because they weren't obviously gendered. Animals always had a genderlessness to me that I identified very strongly with and it was much easier to be who I wanted to be (ie neither girl nor boy) if I was playing with, say, a Jurassic Park dinosaur or Beanie Baby than a GI Joe or Barbie. I could "get into it" more. Some of my friends thought I was weird because I was always wanting to be animal and monster characters.

So it was a question and answer that was meaningful to me, not necessarily anyone else.

I understand. To be fair, my favorite toys were pots and pans (and I like to cook... hmmm)

[KabitTarah]

I had to work through aesthetic issues, in particular.  I've always imagined my body as an aesthetically pleasing female body.  I've longed for curves, proportions, etc, while at the same time I've yearned to socialize as a woman and take part in the community of women.

So, for me, when I was trying to be *certain* the question that sealed the deal was:
Q: If you could live as a woman, but an unattractive woman who had to live the rest of her life without a romantic partner because of some kind of taboo or stigma, would you do it?
A:  Yes, it is worth it to me to present as a woman, no matter what.

That's when I started accepting myself and coming out to my friends, and eventually booked my first gender therapy appointment.

I think your question is always relevant. It wasn't a big breakthrough to me, but I think it was a part of the reason I was closeted for a long time. At a certain point, a certain maturity... it didn't matter what others thought of me.

[EmmaS]

All the questions already posted on here are amazing and I also used many of those questions when trying to understand myself better.

A social question I found to be enlightening for me was: (Well more of a hypothetical situation, then a question)
--There are two different new groups you are introduced to, one is several males your age, and the other group if several females your age. You seem to be getting along with both groups extremely well and have found you have many things in common with each group for different reasons of course. Both groups start to exclude you due to your apparent gender which doesn't match your true gender, but your acquaintances don't know that. Let's use the female group, they tell you that you don't understand what it's like to be a girl and you will never understand because you're a male and so on. What's your reaction to that? Do you say, "Whatever, I wouldn't want to understand anyways", or something more along being hurt or offended by these sort of comments. I found myself to be offended when females would exclude me because of my apparent gender, because although my body didn't match theirs, my brain does and always has. Not sure if that scenario was clear or not, but I hope it helps some.

<3 Emma