Mistakes in transitioning

[Lesley_Roberta]

Ok we all like to be positive, and I am not wanting this to be a bash fest

But, today I had to cope with a horrible truth.

Hmm how to say this. I am quite horribly, and quite clearly, not 18, sexy looking ie slim and well shaped, and able to fool the camera.

I am young of mind in many ways, but wearing a nice looking night gown, there is NO chance, utterly none whatsoever, that any male is ever going to be found guilty of masturbating thinking of me in my night gown. Well at least I hope not, I sure wouldn't want to meet him (poor sick wretch that he would need to be ).

I like my new night gown, fits ok, I slept in it last night and enjoyed wearing it. But, this morning, I tried my best to take a picture of me in it.
Nope no not going to happen, I am NOT ever going to do that to myself ever again.

I likely will spend quite a while rebuilding my self esteem. I'm not even sure I will find all the pieces.

A. I am 51 not 15.
B. there is no future for me in porn (well any that my mind wants to ever hear about).
C. I have new respect for my wife.
D. I now have a bit of an idea of what a lot of women think of guys that look at overly idealized images of overly perfect women.

I have never been so crushed, so completely let down.
It's a night gown, on an old body that is out of shape. I am not a teen, I am at best someones grand parent in a night gown.
It was a very brutal reality check.

I still want all that I want, but, I need to start learning to accept my age. I need to stop seeing the world through the lens of unrealistic adult media and setting myself up for such a harsh fall.

[Devlyn]

Big hug! Transitioning won't turn back the clock. Being a mature woman doesn't make you less of a woman, though. Hugs, Devlyn

[justpat]

    Lesley I wear something sheer and sexy with a nice bra and light makeup to bed every night and have for years.This is for me it helps give me an inner peace that so many yearn for also my wife likes it because I do take care of myself and actually look pretty good for being almost 64.Most people think I am in my 40's which does make me smile.In the morning I just slip on an apron and make us and the cats breakfast I am a great cook and hostess my wife loves it as she is not a morning person.We do have a special bond and I am blessed with her .
  Thing is if it bothers you don't look in a mirror I dealt with that horror also but eventually accepted it and actually used it to improve now I only crack one once in a while. Do what makes you feel better ,I can tell you if they ever called the EMT's they would be VERY surprised when they removed my work clothes cause everything under is pure girl except for the junk.
I love your posts you could be telling my story only it is yours in a very personal way.  Hugs  Pat

[Lesley_Roberta]

Well I did it to myself, no one to blame but me

We are our worst enemies eh.

Too many years getting off to impossible to compete with images, the ideal perfect female form, the perfect come and get it pose the whole enchilada. Totally good for getting off, until one day you want it to be you.

Then life steps up to the plate and strikes you out without a shred of mercy.

So the lesson I got, was, stop pretending you can have everything, learn to live with your limitations. We all have limitations, and I should be thankful some of my limitations are not the same as others. Ok I am missing the to die for waist and my neck is certainly too large, but, I am not 6'4" and all foot ball linebacker trying to be Xena

It's going to take a bit more than putting on a night gown and presto sex goddess

But the camera could have at least let me down a little nicer

[ukftminneed]

Well I did it to myself, no one to blame but me

We are our worst enemies eh.

Too many years getting off to impossible to compete with images, the ideal perfect female form, the perfect come and get it pose the whole enchilada. Totally good for getting off, until one day you want it to be you.

Then life steps up to the plate and strikes you out without a shred of mercy.

So the lesson I got, was, stop pretending you can have everything, learn to live with your limitations. We all have limitations, and I should be thankful some of my limitations are not the same as others. Ok I am missing the to die for waist and my neck is certainly too large, but, I am not 6'4" and all foot ball linebacker trying to be Xena

It's going to take a bit more than putting on a night gown and presto sex goddess

But the camera could have at least let me down a little nicer

its not the end of the world if you want to be slimmer loose weight , dont give up on the person you want to be
dont look at your self and say thats your lot , you can achieve anything
even being a pornstar lol

a mature women just means lady to me im trying to get muscle its hard lol but its a goal non the less look forward !

[ErinM]

  Thing is if it bothers you don't look in a mirror I dealt with that horror also but eventually accepted it and actually used it to improve now I only crack one once in a while. Do what makes you feel better

Perhaps the best skill a lot of us can learn. Growing up I lived in a house where entire walls were mirrors (the previous owner had a glass company). I quickly learned to block out my own reflection and ignore it by keeping my gaze elsewhere. Now I only look at a mirror to make sure I look presentable before leaving the house and to build my self esteem when I am wearing an outfit that looks good on me.

When I'm at home, I dress more for comfort and less for appearance. Those are the times I look elsewhere.

[Ms Grace]

As you say, a lot of it is about we, as women perceive our bodies in light of the onslaught of marketing, modelling and Hollywood imagery. All of it is a confected fantasy that makes women feel bad about how they look. How did the Body Shop put it all those years ago?

"There are 3 billion women who don't look like supermodels and only eight who do.''

Since I have no real say in the matter I'm proud to be part of the 3 billion! As Edna Mode from the movie The Incredibles says...

"Supermodels! Nothing super about them... spoiled, stupid little stick figures with poofy lips who think only about themselves."

[Rachel]

Lesley, I too am hoping for a miracle. Reality is I was at zero and ready to shove off 10 months ago. On HRT I gained 25 pounds and am losing muscle. I am actively starting to eat very healthy and I need to lose weight too. I will lose the 25 lbms and 15 more. 

My identity is not strong enough to look at my body in the mirror nude let alone take a pic. I applaud your strong identity.

[Beth Andrea]

*hugs*

Remember, even old, fat women need loves too. Yes, that means us over-40 somethings....so please don't be too hard on yourself, now you know why so many women hate Barbie dolls....

And you young whippersnappers, you be polite to yer elders, gawldadburnedit! One day you'll be old, too! An' I ain't talkin' 'bout 30, neither!

[FrancisAnn]

Gril friend,

#1, remove your facial hair asap!!!!  Nothing & I mean nothing will slow you down more than having a damn beard. I swear the more you paint your nails or shave your legs the quicker that hair grows. Use electroysis, lasers just do not really work.

Have fun, enjoy your true self.

Francis

[Beth Andrea]

Gril friend,

#1, remove your facial hair asap!!!!  Nothing & I mean nothing will slow you down more than having a damn beard. I swear the more you paint your nails or shave your legs the quicker that hair grows. Use electroysis, lasers just do not really work.

Have fun, enjoy your true self.

Francis

+1 on the whiskers...but if you have many darkish hairs, laser first, then electrolysis. If you're gray or blondish, yeah Electro will have to do...but it is an expensive proposition long-term. I did laser first (still am), and after 12 sessions I can skip one day of shaving without having visible stubble...before, I'd have stubs by 5pm the same day. So yeah, laser does work for some. (dark hairs + olive skin = laser-->good)

[Lesley_Roberta]

I have dark hair myself. I'd like to get rid of the slight discolouration the skin has even with the closest shave.

Not sure I can afford laser too easily. Not even sure I can get access to it without a lot of driving.

But nothing is killing my mood more so than the weight. Being 46 46 46 plays hell with apparel. And I think my face might have some weight on it. I suppose fat happens everywhere to a point.

I think some of my day dreams though might be causing my grief. That and envy. Definition of pointless futility, pretending I will ever compete with 16 year old school girls Shorts that are impossible, waists that barely exist. I really need to knock off these delusions.

[Beth Andrea]

I'm 46-42-40 (bra-waist gut-tee-hee-hips)...although we can't dress exactly like little hotties, we can dress in other ways that suggest lady-like seductiveness..."slinky" is all in the eyes anyways.

Dress modestly for daytime, dress a little racier for evening. A little racy-ness goes a looong way with us. That's how we more mature women do it.

[suzifrommd]

L.R., what you're experiencing is authentically female. All women come to accept that at a certain age, they no longer have the youthful beauty that had been (or might have been) theirs. They need to go about finding in themselves a more careworn, but seasoned, beauty.

Welcome to life as a female. Savor it.

[Gina_Z]

Lesley, you're 51, but what stops you from dieting, exercise, and getting in shape?

[Lesley_Roberta]

Dieting .... no excuse

Exercising .... sadly fybromyalgia really dislikes me doing too much of damned near any form of exercise. I walk about 4 miles every day though.

It's not that I eat too much of the wrong, it is I eat too little and not regulated enough for time of the day actually. Depression plays hell with motivation levels. I am fighting a need to wake and actually eat a breakfast and actually eat a lunch and then a dinner which is not followed by an evening of eating too late in the day.

Sadly being smart enough to know what needs to be done, does not always translate into being disciplined enough to do it.

I think if I won the lottery, I'd hire a dietician to force me to eat properly and make me lose the weight by force

[Nero]

L.R., what you're experiencing is authentically female. All women come to accept that at a certain age, they no longer have the youthful beauty that had been (or might have been) theirs. They need to go about finding in themselves a more careworn, but seasoned, beauty.

Welcome to life as a female. Savor it.

Good point. Of course another component of this for later transitioning trans women is that they never experienced youth as a female.

And some (and it sounds like Lesley's dealing with this) have outdated and unrealistic images of what it's like to be and look female in the first place. Many men (and those who spent a lot of time as men) don't realize what it takes for a woman to look good and that our culture's very narrow beauty ideal is only achievable by a minute fraction of the female population and even then only for precious few years at that.