Hi-New and Nervous Cis Girl...

[Shaina]

Hey There

My name is Shaina and I'm a senior at Michigan State University. I want you all to know that the trans community here finds this site to be really inspirational! Thank you all for taking the time to share your journeys.

I'm not sure if this site was meant for me but I felt there was no one else to whom I could turn-I hope you don't mind! To give you a little background, I'm a cisgender woman, I identify as heterosexual and I've only ever been in a relationships with straight cisgender men. However, upon ending my last relationship I've found myself drawn to the idea of dating trans men. Initially this was quite shocking but, in retrospect, I never really felt fulfilled with cis men.

Now I don't know what to do! I'm trying to learn about the community but the FTMs I meet are in relationships with bisexuals/lesbians. I don't know if this is typical of most FTMs or if we're simply at an age when most are transitioning and they maintain a relationship with their partners. Also, if I did get into such a relationship, I don't know what that would that mean about my own identity. Specifically, could I continue to identify as straight while being supportive of my partner's identity?

I am also really nervous about disclosing my interests to my friends and family. They know I am an ally but would likely not support such a relationship. I don't mean to stereotype but-in my family-Black Christians from the Midwest aren't very tolerant when it comes to gender identity. So, I was hoping to meet people here I could talk to.

I apologize for writing so much and please forgive me if I expressed myself incorrectly. I'm still very new to everything including the terminology!

[Jamie D]

Thanks for joining up Shaina! 

The "whys and wherefores" of attraction could fill an encyclopedia.  In fact, there are professional journals on the subject.

People are people - trans, straight, gay, cis, black, white, purple, tall, skinny, whatever.  There is no right or wrong to attraction, nor should there be.  Taboos are falling by the wayside.

Let me speak for myself here - I don't really worry about straight, gay, lesbian, bi.  Part of that has to do with my pansexuality and my bigendered nature.  Another part has to do with, it's all just labels!

Go with the feeling!!

Welcome!

[Shaina]

Jamie de la Rosa,

First I love your name However, I love your advice more. I guess in my efforts to "learn" more I began getting really anxious about identity and labels.

Here's to going with the flow

[DriftingCrow]

Welcome Shiana! It's great to see allies joining the site, I hope you enjoy your time on here.

Henry

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

Hi Shaina,

Welcome to our little family. Over 8055 members. That would be one heck of a family reunion.

Feel free to post your successes/failures, Hopes/dreams.  Ask questions and seek answers. Give and receive advice.

But remember we are family here, your family now. And it is always nice to have another ally.

And be sure to check out these links ( MUST READS )

• Site Terms of Service and rules to live by
  
• Standard Terms and Definitions
  
• Post Ranks ( including when you can upload an avatar)
  
• Reputation Rules
  
• Age and the Forum
  
• Photo, avatars, and signature images policy
  

Janet  )O(

[Shaina]

Hey Henry!

Thanks so much! I am so relieved to read allies are welcome   And that MLK quote in your signature is so powerful!

Ms. O'Brian,

Thank you Those links are incredibly helpful. I was confused in more ways than one

[Lauren5]

Hey Shaina, I'm a freshman at the same school. It may be a huge campus, but it can be pretty small.

Unfortunately, as an MtF, with only limited exposure to FtMs here, I can't be of much help. I could PM you a link where you could email to get some more info though, right on campus.

[Shaina]

Hey Willow!

Another Spartan, what a small world! I would really appreciate that thanks During my time here I've really relied on Deanna over in the LGBT Resource Center but I haven't attended TransAction yet. If you're a member or if you check it out let me know!

[Lauren5]

Hey Willow!

Another Spartan, what a small world! I would really appreciate that thanks During my time here I've really relied on Deanna over in the LGBT Resource Center but I haven't attended TransAction yet. If you're a member or if you check it out let me know!

Yeah, I was going to recommend an email to them, so you can learn from them. I've attended the last two weeks and plan to do so indefinitely.
I'm not supposed to disclose meeting times or locations with anyone, but I will give you an email address. Just letting you know, the group does not have a secretary at the moment to read and reply to emails, so it could be a little while.
I'll look forward to seeing you next week, if you plan on attending

[Shaina]

Willow,

Girl you've inspired me I found their e-mail listed on the LGBTQ Newsletter they send out so I'm e-mailing them now. I'm not sure if I'll attend next week (so nervous...) but now that I know you've enjoyed it I'll definitely attend in the near future.

[Amelia Pond]

Welcome to Susan's, Shaina!

Amy

[Lauren5]

Willow,
Girl you've inspired me I found their e-mail listed on the LGBTQ Newsletter they send out so I'm e-mailing them now. I'm not sure if I'll attend next week (so nervous...) but now that I know you've enjoyed it I'll definitely attend in the near future.

The influence I got before going to the meeting made me nervous; I'd had about 1/2 of the people that were unsupportive, included in there were the 1/3 of the transgender people I know. I was nervous. I didn't want people saying things like I should give up on transition because it's not financially favourable, and I could still have a "good" life as a reasonably attractive man, with a big house in the suburbs, a well paying job, a lovelyfamily, and a beautiful wife. I don't care too much for these things; I'd prefer to be a woman who can experience the romance of travel to the point where I can never stop. In fact, I am a woman, after Olin psychiatry officially diagnosed me with GID, meaning my transition, and life, can move forward. Another thing I got often is that I a am "disgusting fetishist." Even worse, I've had three MtFs call me that over the internet.
In TransAction, I get none of that. I feel more confident because it is one of the only places and times that can be myself without anyone judging and discriminating. In fact, it's the opposite; besides being male on the exterior, I was properly gendered by pronoun for the first time at the meeting. It's a really great place, not just for transpeople; those interested in alternative (eg, sex and gender don't necessarily match) gender expressions, those researching it, or just trans allies in general.
I'm sure you'll be just fine, and I'm looking at meeting you next week

[gentle]

Hey,  Shaina. If you are straight,  then I think it's fine to continue to call yourself that.  A lot of people think you have to be pansexual to want to date trans* people, but I  don't agree.  Pansexual means you are attracted to people with no regard to what's in their pants. (Correct me if I'm wrong about that.) 

I am curious as to what you believe you might find in a trans guy that may be difficult to come by with cis guys.

[Kittenswithmittens]

Sqweeee you get to see Willow? She's super duper nice!

Welcome I read on another webpage about dating trans people yesterday and a cis girl said that it's something about making the decision to go through such a procedure that she finds so impressive it kind of attracts her So guess you're not alone thinking that ^.^

[Shaina]

Willow,
I'm so sorry you went through that but I'm glad you've finally found somewhere accepting at TransAction. I'll see you next week! Xoxo

Gentle,
I think you're right about the assumptions people make when you date trans people. While I'll continue to call myself straight I think I'm just focusing to much on labels! 

Also there are two things that attract me to trans guys that I haven't had with cis guys. (I'm not saying this is true of everyone it's just what I've experienced) First, I think trans guys have special insight into my life as a woman because of their past. I've been told that "insight" can be beneficial in a couple ways. Second, I'm attracted to confidence and I think embracing your identity as trans is one of the bravest things you can do.

Kittenswithmittens,
Thank you for the welcome! Willow has been incredibly nice and welcoming too. I'm lucky
And wow that's interesting! I'm glad to hear I'm not alone in that! By the way, your name is adorable!

[Arch]

A number of FTMs in my own community are with cis women who are straight or bi. Some are with women who at one time identified themselves as lesbians; some of those women still do, some have adopted another label, and others have found the labels to be too restrictive and inaccurate.

I'm gay myself and don't have much insight into women, but some people have expected to understand just because of my life experiences. You might find some straight FTMs who are similarly "handicapped." In short, we are all over the map.

[~RoadToTrista~]

hey gurl heyyyy ^.^

Specifically, could I continue to identify as straight while being supportive of my partner's identity?

Sure. You can be supportive of your partner's gender identity and still see them as a man.

[Shaina]

Arch,
It's nice to know there are trans men in your community in relationships with straight cis women. Hope
Also, you're right it isn't really fair to make assumptions about anyone's past-particularly what experiences they've had. Thanks for reaching out!

~RoadtoTrista~,
Thanks a bunch! Though I sometimes get hung up on labels so I'm trying to get over it.
Oh and I LOVE that avatar! The owl is so cute.

[~RoadToTrista~]

Thank you! It's probably the cutest owl I've ever seen even though it's probably not real >.< lol

Don't worry so much about labels, they can be useful too

[Shaina]

Thank you! It's probably the cutest owl I've ever seen even though it's probably not real >.< lol

Don't worry so much about labels, they can be useful too

Sorry for the delay Trista!

You're welcome!  And I've grown a lot when it comes to labels!