I'll do my best to answer your reply in a more direct way.
Quote from: Sibila on November 04, 2013, 02:56:57 PM
Nobody teached me to be a boy. It would have been easier if anyone did at that time. You are simply expected to be and act as a boy. But its not as simple as copying behavior. More so, it is trying to hide all natural behavior that is feminine. And trying to act masculine, right? I did not succeed at both while I was great at acting. I did supress my identity completely at age 4. What is wrong with me? Why couldn't I do what most others did?
Everyone is different. You really may have just had trouble with it. My personal example goes like this: I was very effeminate up until age 12. Family and peer bullying made me try harder to be masculine from 13 to 18. I actually made some friends this way, but was depressed and never fully successful at fitting in with boys. I caused a lot of drama and became too attached to certain friends. I gave up again when I was 19 until now and dropped the masculinity act.
However, if I had been masculine -- or one step further, successfully masculine -- the entire time without acting or trying, it wouldn't have made me any less valid as a woman, because it wouldn't have made any cis girl less valid as a woman.
Quote from: Sibila on November 04, 2013, 02:56:57 PM
I did not say that, however if you are a straight feminine girl at heart and want the normal life as a woman, you will have a hard time doing that as trans. Most men dont even bother dating me when they know. The one's that do watch ->-bleeped-<- porn and again expect me to be some kind of boy and dominate them. Its very hard to find that guy that really treats you like a woman and who is dominant/masculine and caring. Those guys dont fall for transwoman... because they like WOMAN.
A trans is a deformaty to them. Not to mention that I cant start a family (which is another reason why its hard to be in a normal relationship). That, next to all the trouble with the masculine features in your body? And people associating you with men and the transwoman I mentioned. What is there to enjoy about being a woman? The clothes? The make up? I wish I did not have to mind how I dress. If I was a genetic woman, I would wear masculine clothes because they are way easier. I cant now because it ruins my passability.
And even when you do find a boyfriend. Its hard to find one that does not care that other people can see you are trans. When a man is insecure about that how will my feminine need be fulfilled... like the need to feel that a boyfriend is proud of me. Wants to be seen with me, and show me off. For example. But its there in a million things that you will notice that you are a woman, but not treated as such.
I don't feel this is true. I can personally attest to several men who have been interested in me, despite my downstairs, who do not particularly care for that configuration. They loved my personality and thought I was an amazing investment. There have also been men who were okay with what I had down there but would also be okay afterwards. There are even more who are not okay with it now, but really want me to look into them again when it's gone. The majority of these men have been extremely fun, intelligent, well-balanced people. Many of them have said they would not be ashamed of me. Several of them are my closest friends who I have known since I was a teenager. A handful of them are men who were offensively naive about trans people and had to be educated first.
I haven't had FFS. I'm not really passable. I'm overweight. I dress neutrally. A lot of this is about personality and what potential a man sees in you.
Quote from: Sibila on November 04, 2013, 02:56:57 PM
Perhaps my need differ very much from other transwoman, and those needs and desires are my problem. Genetic woman understand my needs exactly though, because they are their needs to.
Of course... I would love to be a woman, if I was a woman. And If I was a genetic woman... I could pretend that its important to be regarded as a human first. In the position I am in now... being human, means nothing to me. You might as well call me male.
I understand the needs. I think about them all the time. I daydream about them and have actual dreams about them. Men are one of the things I think about most. I talk to my cis best friend about men and what we want from them really, really often. It's a great source of frustration in my life, but the reason I'm not in a relationship is entirely of my own devices. I'm waiting until after I get FFS and possibly SRS so that -I- am less insecure, not the man I'd be with. Whatever the case, it's definitely not the fault of men as a whole.
Quote from: Sibila on November 04, 2013, 02:56:57 PMAlso I dont know exactly in what world you live. But its hard for genetic woman (perhaps even downright impossible) to understand the hardship of a transwoman. In fact, you might end up with them saying that you had the privilege to be male. And I can understand that. Its exactly the same way I think about a lot of transwoman.
They seem so lucky compared to the stuff I had to go through and still go though. It never stops.
I do think it's hard for cis women to understand trans women, but not impossible. I've also had some bring up male privilege to me and try to tell me that I couldn't understand, or that I don't know what I'm in for. This is really just ignorant banter. I don't believe in the concept of adversity ownership, where an individual who has not suffered a particular type of adversity can never understand it. Human beings have the capacity to empathize and apply relativity -- it's not simple, no, but it is more than possible, and assuming it isn't possible from the get-go certainly does not help at all.
Genuinely, I wish you were not in so much turmoil over this subject. I've been through all of the insecurities, the worries, and the feeling less valid than cis women. I've worried about men and how they see me. I've worried about how valid I might be. It's an awful, awful collection of feelings, but a lot of them are founded in silly things. Despite still being stuck in uncomfortable stages of transition, life has shown me that none of those things are actually true, and I'm very hopeful for the future. I hope that you can reach that point, too, and that you don't have to forever carry such a burden.
