So I started dating a guy back in April.. and from the begining its been amazing. I have always been bisexual, and more interested in men.. but my love life in 'practice' has been mostly lesbian, due to the many horrible experiences Ive had with men. Well, after my breakup of a 9yr relationship with a woman.. I decided to give men a chance again.. after much dating and such.. I ended up with this guy.. from the begining he did tell me he has enjoyed genderplay and crossdressing himself. I told him it was cool, and I was accepting. Well we have grown pretty close, and he lives with me.. as we got closer... well lets just fastforeward.. now he's taking hormones, and plans to transition. (I still call him he most of the time, for the time being, untill he is more fulltime... this is at his request too). He accredits my total openness and support of peoples own life direction to helping him come to terms with this. I feel honored.. and in a way, its sexually exciting... but here I sit, and still find myself.. thinking.. how did this happen? I had pretty much stopped dating women when I met him, and had little to no interest in finding a girlfriend.. yet... I have a girlfriend.. I find it rather unusual and although I am open and accepting, and it even turns me on.. it still feel like "how did that happen". Well I dunno I fell in love with him, because he seemed to be the first guy Ive ever dated who treated me right, understood me, made me feel good about myself, who loves me unconditionally.. and I guess.. in a way. did have quite a few feminine traits.. so I think to myself.. somehow I am cursed to be a lesbian.. I dated quite a few men before I found him.. and none of them clicked like this one. I think its a weird position for a transwoman to be in, that their lover comes out as trans.. Now I know there are plenty of transbians out there, but most Ive talked to seemed to meet post transition. Its weird, because I am attracted to his masquline features.. I was attracted to him, as him being a man.. so even though Im bisexual, its a strange evolution to see him as a woman. but.. we have gone out, with her being dressed up.. and I think even my attraction to that. is more that she looks like an effeminant man. Her personality has opened up, and at times can even come across rather gay. although I will say this.. I have never seen her smile so much, feel so accepted and loved for who she is.. its just a bit confusing being on this side of the fence I suppose!
Although I am generally passable.. I also think, that now.. thats about to go out the window. I generally find that two transwoman together are more easily spotted. oh well I suppose.. for me.. its not much of an issue. I am generally a social deviant anyhow.. Although a week ago we went shopping and she was dressed up rather feminine.. I got the feeling most people thought he was my gay friend. haha.
Im sure his family especially his mother will blame me for all this.. She hated the fact he was dating a transwoman to begin with. Ive never met her.. but I want to win her over. However it may be even harder now. I imagine myself telling her "I just love and accepted her for who she is"..
other strange factors.. is I transitioned at age 19.. I am 34 now. He is 25. Not that 25 is a real late age to start.. I do believe its different. I had almost no adult life as a boy. So while I can provide lots of support and help.. and for all the "I get you" in this.. I have no idea what its like to start later.
My parents will just roll their eyes, and keep loving me regardless, So im blessed in that respect. My parents met him as a guy this summer.. and my mother remarked to me "he's kind of feminine acting dont you think?" .. thats when I let my mom in on whats going on with him.
and some of this falls into "the universe is down right errie at times"
His birthname is my birthname
His first choice for a girls name used to be.... my name!
Although we agreed thats just a little too strange, and shes going with a different name.
Maybe Im not a lesbian, Im just a narcissist
I think some of my longtime close friends would just give me a look and remark "you just now realized that?"
