Need Assistance Coming Out To Family.

Gianna · October 26, 2013, 10:12:45 AM

So hello, lets start out now. I am a U.S boy looking to come out as a MtF Transgender. I want to come out by the end of the month, but I just don't have the courage to do so. My dad sometimes calls gay people "->-bleeped-<-s" which could be a sign, and when I showed my mom "GiGiGorgeous" she said "He couldn't be more gay!" I believe my sister would be fine with it. I want to start as soon as possible but I just need tips to come out. Thank you so much!

LordKAT · October 26, 2013, 10:49:50 AM

Two suggestions. One try to see a counselor who can help you, especially if it doesn't go well. Write your thoughts and possible answers to all their questions in a letter. Give it to them just before spending the weekend at grandma's or a friends so they have time to digest it. You will find a number of suggestions on writing a coming out letter if you choose to go that way.

Coming out at home or school can be frightening and lonely. If you can, check out your resources at school, maybe a GSA club or even school psychologist can be allies.

After you come out, try not to walk alone at school or outside of home.

Gianna · October 26, 2013, 01:07:49 PM

Should I stay around a friends house today, or wait till next week to write the letter. (If I choose that way). Also, by psychologist do you mean like a consoler at school? If I choose the letter, where should I leave it? Thank you so much for your assistance in this matter!

Jessica Merriman · October 26, 2013, 01:21:04 PM

Listen to LordKAT baby! The advice is right on. I would see a counselor or therapist before you come out though. Not trying to stop you I just think the therapist should hear what you have to say about things before you come out. It is so much easier to transition with the support of a gender therapist and medical supervision. I did not like having to wait for HRT, but having the medical community on board is a really good ally for things such as coming out letters, future therapy and assistance through the whole process. It is a long road to transition so be patient and take it one step at a time, OK baby? Good luck! 🙂

Gianna · October 26, 2013, 01:57:58 PM

How do I get a therapist without my parents knowing? Thanks!

Jessica Merriman · October 26, 2013, 02:06:24 PM

Sorry baby, If you are under 18 (some states 16) you have no choice. Your parents have to know, it is the law. As a minor they have to be involved in your care and treatment unless you are an emancipated minor, which I doubt you are. You might try a school counselor, but they might notify your parents as well. You might see if your parents could help you start an anti-androgen regimen, but they don't sound like they would be willing to go along with your wishes. An anti-androgen would pause your puberty development and buy you time until you could legally start HRT. It would give you a better chance at a realistic transition. Sounds like you are in a tough position. Hang in there Baby. 🙂

LordKAT · October 26, 2013, 02:21:33 PM

You can see a therapist by simply asking your parents to see one. You do not have to tell them why. If they (and likely they will) ask then say depression as that is not uncommon in teenagers. Your parents may still refuse but you can still see your school psychologist. When you do, ask about keeping your conversation away from your parents until you are ready to share it.

I was able to see one for a short time by making a doctor appointment and then seeing a therapist. My parents were billed for an office visit. The doctor arranged it and was simply sympathetic. I don't know how likely that is in this day and age. You can contact a social worker. That can backfire however so use it as a last resort, and then only for help to see a therapist.

Write your letter whenever you want. Leave it on the table or by the phone, or other place where you know it will be found just before going out the door. Then go to a friends or somewhere for a day or two. I highly suggest talking with someone before doing so.

Gianna · October 26, 2013, 02:32:28 PM

How old do I have to be to start HRTs? Also, thank you for the counselor advice. I could try after I am done with therapy to ask my parents to get me on anti-regimine because they are pretty understanding.

Jessica Merriman · October 26, 2013, 02:45:49 PM

In my research you have to be legal age or have parents full support and signed medical waiver to start HRT. Anti-Androgens I believe have the same rules. BIG HUG!

Gianna · October 26, 2013, 02:55:11 PM

When should I confront (come out to) my parents? So I could start HRT etc.

LordKAT · October 26, 2013, 03:00:20 PM

Once you have some allies, or at least one. If you have a sympathetic therapist, they will help you with coming out strategies for parents as well as classmates and your school itself.

If your parents are supportive and have the means, you can get on puberty blockers. Depending on where you live you can get on HRT by age 16, but again, only with your parents approval.

Read and educate yourself on what is all involved, the problems you may have and what you need to do to follow your goals, in short, make a plan and know why your doing it. Just like planning for college when in high school.

Jessica Merriman · October 26, 2013, 03:01:02 PM

Take a deep breathe and slow down baby. See a counselor, therapist, etc first. They can help you with the notifications and what to say, OK? Start at the beginning and do it right. Just breathe. I know it is hard, but you are still young enough to get great results. Don't rush the process. Besides counseling there are several things before HRT is even considered for someone. Physical exams, labs results, medical histories, etc. Slow way down, it will not happen tomorrow, OK? BIG HUG! 🙂

Gianna · October 26, 2013, 03:04:00 PM

I'm sorry to rush it, but I just want it to be done you know?

Isn't like around this age group a good time to start? On Monday, I will visit a counselor at my school to start talking about it. You have no idea how grateful I am for people like you! BIG HUG! 😘

Gianna · October 26, 2013, 03:06:50 PM

By the way, I live in Florida. 🙂

Jessica Merriman · October 26, 2013, 03:10:05 PM

Before puberty is the best time, yes. I just feel like you will have a struggle with your parents over this and will lose hope or try to transition by yourself. I don't want that to happen. They have to come to terms with it as well as you in your transition quest. I fully support you, don't ever think different. I just want you to do it right and with support of your family. I am afraid "confronting" them over it will make your problems worse. Just my opinion though. Huggles!

LordKAT · October 26, 2013, 03:11:48 PM

I understand your impatience. You will have to deal with that a lot actually. Best way to do that is to stay calm and learn all you can so that you can answer questions as rationally as possible. That way you will more likely be taken seriously.

Any age is a good time to start. It tends to have best results if puberty blockers are used until HRT can be started. There are many who have started much later than that, in their 50's and 60's, who are so successful that you will never know the difference if you meet them.

You are quite welcome. Feel free to ask questions as the need arises and I will continue to answer as best I can. Once you can use the PM's, feel free to do that as you wish.

Good luck with your school counselor and let us know how it works.

Gianna · October 26, 2013, 03:16:10 PM

What should I tell the counselor on Monday?

Jessica Merriman · October 26, 2013, 03:33:15 PM

Open and honestly exactly how you feel. You will be scared, but it is part of transition.

Gianna · October 26, 2013, 03:34:41 PM

I hope this will all be worth it. It's gonna be really hard for sure.

Jessica Merriman · October 26, 2013, 03:39:44 PM

Part of the process baby. You have chosen a rough path to follow, it is not easy at all. Most of us have lost a great deal in our quest to transition.