Welcome Lora,
We are in much the same situations. A wife that knows, kids who can be greatly affected, and the need to feel true to ourselves and stop hiding. I used to not want anyone to find out. I am getting to the point where I don't think that it would be so bad. I told my wife if she wanted to tell her best friend, that would be okay with me if she needed someone else to talk too. She laughed and replied, what, and tell her my husband is a nut case? Even so, I feel progress is being made. I know she still loves me even though she is having some difficulty with it. Good luck and hopefully you will find some answers to your questions here.
Lisabeth