Am I the only one?

[Luc]

I've been reading a lot on these forums about people going on T, HRT, having surgeries, and whatnot... and I'm wondering, am I the only one who really doesn't care about all that? I'm transgendered. I'm a transsexual. I was born female, but since as far back as I can remember, I felt like a male. I fought my birth gender and sex from childhood, and last year went full-time, just before marrying my wife, who is an mtf transsexual.

Yeah, I have a female body. I'm lucky enough to have small breasts that are easily hidden with binding, a low voice, and facial hair (though I don't know how I lucked out on that one). I don't have much trouble passing, and my wife sees me as a man, so that's really all I need. I don't feel like going through the pain and financial burden of going on testosterone and having multiple surgeries; for what? So I can have my life cut short? I like who I am, I know who I am, and no amount of hormones or surgery will ever change that.

Am I the only non-op transsexual here? I expect there are others like me, and while I have the occasional dysphoric period, I am ordinarily quite happy with myself and my identity. I am a straight, married man who just happens to have a couple bodily abnormalities (which are only visible when the clothes are off and lights are down). Is that so awful?

DeanO

[Shana A]

We are a minority but you're certainly not the only one. After diagnosis as TS (M2F) and over a year full time RLT, I decided not to do HRT or SRS. I can't say for certain that I might not decide to go further at some future time, but for now I'm living somewhere in between or outside of the gender binary and that works for me. Non-op is a viable option.

zythyra

[Nero]

Hey Dean,
I'm sure there are other guys who are non-op. It's great that you can live with your body as is.
As for myself, I won't feel comfortable as a man until I can remove my shirt at the pool.
I honestly don't want T either, but - there are a lot of genetic females who have an androgynous enough face and voice to pass as male with nothing more than male clothing and a crew cut. I am not one of these. I will never be able to live and be seen as a man without T. I envy those who can.
It sure bites not only being born in a female body, but a feminine one at that.
But for you, I say if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

Your buddy,
Nero

[Buffy]

DeanO

You have reached your own level of happiness and acceptance, which others have to go through many surgeries, processes to reach.

rejoice in that...

Buffy

[RebeccaFog]

Hi Dean,

   It is a wonderful thing that you feel the way you do.  Sometimes, it seems that all everybody wants is treatment treatment treatment. To me, it is more important to be in tune with my inner self rather than complicate things with medicines and such.  I am not knocking anyone who chooses to go the medical route. I understand that some people really have no other choice.

  I wonder if you have a natural hormonal thing going on?  Have you been checked for the possibility of being intersexed or for having another condition?


Rebecca

[Manyfaces]

If I had a lower voice and facial hair and could easily pass most of the time, I too might be willing to forego any medical changes. 

However, my voice will always give me away--(today at work a young man approached me with a question, saying "Excuse me, sir" and then after I answered him, he said, "Thank you, dear" and walked away--grrrrr)--they make it impossible for me to pass unambiguously enough of the time for me to be wholly comfortable--and I definitely look forward to not having to bind my breasts, and yeah, walking around shirtless if I want to. 

But as someone else said, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.  Happiness with your whole self is the bottom line, isn't it?  And it sounds like you have that already, and that's wonderful. 

[Keira]

Nero, you said your face was one of your attractive female feature.
But, you do know that many of the most attractive males have "feminine" faces,
Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp are good examples (Angelina Jolie has a more angular face than Pitt).
Both males and females, prefer faces to be a bit more feminine than average.
So, with T slightly coarsening the features, you should look quite good as a male Nero.

[Nero]

Nero, you said your face was one of your attractive female feature.
But, you do know that many of the most attractive males have "feminine" faces,
Brad Pitt and Johnny Depp are good examples (Angelina Jolie has a more angular face than Pitt).
Both males and females, prefer faces to be a bit more feminine than average.
So, with T slightly coarsening the features, you should look quite good as a male Nero.

awww I hope so.

[sarahb]

Dean,

Answer me this...if you didn't have small breasts, a low voice, facial hair, and did have a hard time passing then how would you feel? It sounds like you are naturally at a more masculine side of the spectrum anyways, which is what HRT and surgeries attempt to do for others who aren't naturally blessed with those attributes. I think anyone would feel the same way as you if they naturally passed easily, however, most don't and need medical intervening to help get to that point.

Don't get me wrong though. It's not about the physical attributes that make the person who they are. However, the physical attributes do coincide with how society perceives you and treats you. So indirectly, your physical outward appearance can affect your inner well-being. That is why most of us go through the pain, agony, and financial burdens to gain a body that reflects our inner identity.

I, for example, can not live my life how I want when everywhere I go people perceive me as male and treat me accordingly. Therefore, I need to adjust my outward appearance so that my inner self can thrive.

Sarah

[Autumn]

I've accidentally passed fairly commonly all of my life. I've got a very small male frame, short, thin, not very muscular with some slight hips, long hair, higher voice, and because guys' pants and shirts don't fit me I'm presently shopping for womens' clothing almost exclusively (nice excuse, that.) I hope to start high quality laser hair removal on my face in 2 weeks.

If I didn't have these qualities, I'd be going mad like I did in the past. But as I try to sort out the realities of life and find my place, at the moment, I'm doing alright. I've been through hell though. And I'm sure it'll come back to haunt me later too.

Today my girlfriend and I found out that womens' extra-small stretch T's fit me. She's adamant that they make me look like a model and that I buy several when I have the money. I'm floored that I have visible hips in them, which has been a goal of mine since december because my scoliosis combined with male hips (I should have like a 26 inch waist, instead it's 28) has been my greatest physical dysphoria. Today was a good day  . I don't know how long it will last, but I'll take it while it does.

[Luc]

Thanks everyone for the great replies. Rebecca, I've never been checked for an intersexed condition, but I wouldn't be that surprised. While I prefer to be seen as male and identify as more masculine than feminine, I'd say I tend to be fairly androgynous. Guess I'll have to get that checked if I ever have the cash.

And just a note... I didn't mean to disrespect anyone who does take the hormones & surgical route. I understand everyone has his/her own journey to take.

D

[Keira]

Dean, if the social dysphoria is your main problem and are able to resolve that without having to pop pills the rest of your life or go through invasive surgery, more power to you. The least you need to be happy is the appropriate amount, no more, no less.

I wish I didn't have to go through all I've been through and what's coming. There's no honor in that for me, just necessity.

Everybody's needs are different and I don't know why yours or any others should fit some cookie cutter process.

The only issue in your case is possibly legal, since your id's will still have the F marker, but its rarely an issue in everyday life or someone like Tink and Deb wouldn't have been able to be who they are if that caused a major problem.

Its only if you go travel internationally, especialy in slightly retrograde nations, that you may have to go in "drag" just to cross the border (though It may not be pleasant to do so).

Have a nice day Dean.

[gennee]

The fact that you are happy with yourself says it all, DeanO.

Gennee

[Seshatneferw]

The least you need to be happy is the appropriate amount, no more, no less.

Yes indeed. If you are happy where you are, be happy about that. The time to start treatments comes only when you stop being comfortable without them. Or so I've understood -- I'm still content with just doing my best to deal with the various hair issues.

Its only if you go travel internationally, especialy in slightly retrograde nations, that you may have to go in "drag" just to cross the border (though It may not be pleasant to do so).

Even there it's not necessary to go all the way, jeans and T-shirts are pretty universally unisex nowadays.

  Nfr

[J.T.]

there are others out there... right now i don't see myself taking T, ever.  I can always do speech therapy to deepen my voice.  You're lucky that you have a small chest, i am hoping that by losing weight I won't have to do top surgery.  But that is all I would want to do at this point... because I couldn't imagine binding for the rest of my life.

i was born this way for a reason, and i wonder... why change it?  If i can be happy this way then that is all that is important (and passing is too, of course).  That said, I am still really early.  A year from now I may change my mind.

[Dennis]

I certainly didn't take offense, Dean, to the question. I'm happy with having had surgery and hormones, but if you're happy without, then there's no reason on earth you should take T or have surgery. It might be a function of age, too. That was when it started bugging me, when I started looking like a middle aged woman, rather than the boy I'd always looked like.

Looking male even though I didn't know I was trans probably kept it at bay for me for a long time.

Dennis

[Doc]

Am I the only non-op transsexual here? I expect there are others like me, and while I have the occasional dysphoric period, I am ordinarily quite happy with myself and my identity.

I suppose I fall into that category. Or could be said to -- is a person who is easily clocked for female yet has a male gender-expression and a mostly male psychology a no-op transsexual or an anydrogyne? I feel like an unmasculine man. Not effeminate, but androgynously unmasculine. When I was a little kid I felt like an unmasculine boy, not interested in 'girl stuff' and not interested in more than half of 'boy stuff' (sports are a bore, militarism is tedious and wicked, cars and tractors hold little appeal, lets get beaver-hats and toy rifles and pretend to be Lewis and Clark today. Tomorrow we'll get paintboxes and binoculars and pretend to be John Audubon.) My voice is mostly deep enough, and I rather like being small. I am annoyed by having breasts and want some day to get them removed, but it's not top-priority, and in spite of the fact that I pass (regularly, but) significantly less often than I don't pass, I don't want to go on hormones. I fear that like Dennis I won't be able to stand it if I should start to look matronly as I age, but I imagine I'll do okay if I stay skinny and dress more formally, as older men tend to do anyway. I may be lucky 'cause I pass more easily as I age, when most FTMs find that it's harder when they get older, because they passed for young boys and don't look young any more.

[Nero]

I can always do speech therapy to deepen my voice. 

Does that actually work for female-bodied people?

Posted on: July 01, 2007, 05:34:12 PMI didn't take offense either, Dean. I was just pointing out why some transpeople do care about all that stuff.

[zombiesarepeaceful]

I admire you for being able to accept your body as is. I won't be happy (or at least satisfied) until I can go shirtless.

[J.T.]

I can always do speech therapy to deepen my voice.

does it actually work?  why not?  if you think about it, you can do speech therapy for all sorts of things (stuttering/slurring etc.)