Fear and Loathing

[Tori]

Funny, I am going to see a psychologist next week. I am quite excited and yet fear is building inside me. I imagine this is common.

You wait in line, you get strapped in... but once the roller coaster starts up that first hill, you think, "Dear God! What was I thinking?"

Weeeee!

[Claire (formerly Magdalena)]

Yep, it's how I felt about it when I started. Don't worry, it's going to be fine. 

[LordKAT]

What is there to fear? What is the worst that can happen? He can't take away your birthday or send you to the moon.

[Cindy]

Hey,

No need to be nervous or frightened! Many of us end up really good friends with our therapists and look forward to talking to them, after all they end up knowing everything about us and they support us!

Don't worry!

Cindy

[Jenny07]

Tori you are not alone in how you feel.

I was scared witless seeing my current therapist for the first time.
I was petrified about mentioning my real issue to her
I had an anxiety attack seeing my doctor
They were both very understanding and made me feel at ease.
Yes I nearly did run away while waiting to see the doctor, I even told her this and she smiled.

Now they are very close to my heart as they have done a wonderful job and helped me so much that I can't thank them enough.
As Cindy says I can talk to them about almost anything now. Therapy sessions are nothing more than a friendly chat about anything and nothing in particular.

They can both see the difference for themselves and it does give them satisfaction that they could help, their words.

What did they do? They made talking about something extremely difficult to making it so easy.
Within a short period I had an appointment for an endo and prescribed E and feel fantastic beyond words.

Enjoy the ride

Weeee!!! I know I am.

Jen

[Jamie D]

Tori you are not alone in how you feel.

I was scared witless seeing my current therapist for the first time.

SNIP

Enjoy the ride

Weeee!!! I know I am.

Jen

I would be scared too if the therapist wanted to first me - at least before we built a rapport. 

Seriously though, when I first contacted my second therapist, when asked why I wanted to see her, my answer was direct ... "I have gender issues."  It is a great ice-breaker.

^{spelling corrections}

[Tori]

Frankly Jamie, if that is what my psychologist wants, he should buy me dinner first. I don't even know if firsts are covered by insurance.

I hear what y'all are saying about honesty and friendship. I did my research before picking my therapist. He is a huge LGBT advocate in my state, and we talked like friends for about an hour over the phone when I tried to schedule an appointment. It is the type of thing that makes me think informed concent is truly an option. This guy won't lead me on. At least that is what my gut tells me. I do have a good feeling about this. I had no problem telling him I am trans. Seems silly to hide it if that is why I am going.

After all these years of moving at a snail's pace, things are going very fast. Do not get me wrong. I love it. The fear is very real. It is human to fear things that are unfamiliar. The whole concept of feeling like myself is so foreign. Sometimes being frightened is a good thing.

[Lesley_Roberta]

Going to the dentist worries me. Shrinks, well it's not like they will be actually drilling into my teeth eh

Actually, every time I meet a person in a professional capacity for the first time, I find it tiring and annoying in the same fashion I would if I had just finished answering the same damned 1000 question survey only yesterday.

I have in my own case, gone to great lengths to write the perfect web page all about me, just so I can essentially tell the person, 'would you mind just reading this? It's only 5 minutes for a capable reading person?'. I update it periodically to suit my needs, but I find it helps.

[Tori]

Ok, that was fun and rather painless. I really like my therapist.

Coolest part of the story? We talked GP's and he mentioned the two most trans friendly in my town. I called the one who interested me most, he runs a private practice. The Doc called me back, and I told him my health plan. He hmmm'd and hawww'd (I am on a form of Medicaid). So I asked for a referral and explained to him that I am trans. "Oh!" he said, "I see trans patients on your plan. Are you free tomorrow? What are you looking for?"

I explained I needed to know I was physically able to transition and that I am informed enough to consent. He was like, "Cool, see you tomorrow."

This roller coaster is going faster than I anticipated.

Weeeeeeee

Frightened again! In the good way!

[Ms Grace]

Awesome news, Tori! Congrats!

[Megumi]

Congrats! Doesn't progress feel so good

[Tori]

Yup.

Especially since my SO is by my side.

No money... also, we, right now, are of a different sex... same gender.

Love remains and encourages. I am lucky, in love and am finding cheap doctors. Helps to live in ANY city.

This does not cost a fortune folks. Just look carefully. And live in a city, if you are an ADULT American.

Adults, use google, search for the local GLBT sites, ask for help... if they do not, call the next one. Then call them all again a different day, a smarter person may be working.

[Jenny07]

Good to hear Tori. We are our own worst enemy.

I went from first therapy to starting hormones in 5 weeks.
It can go very fast and again cause anxiety.
You know what you want so go get it and be happy 

Sounds like you didn't get fisted by the therapist

Best of luck

Jen

[Tori]

Really folks, the fisting jokes should continue... until the Staff gets wise to them.

As long as the fists are positive, we should all be in the clear.

[Tori]

In an attempt to consolidate, I will keep posting in this thread.

This has been an amazing week!

Two days ago, I saw my first psychologist. He suggested a GP. Saw the GP yesterday, we talked for a bit, I mentioned IC, he pulled out the form, talked me through it and I signed. He told me to fast for my blood test and then took my vitals. I fasted and had my blood taken today.

Depending on test results, the next step will be discussing HRT options.

Part of me thinks I am dreaming. No year of full time. No required letter after 3 months therapy (I am still getting my letter in case I move somewhere oppressive).

Times have changed. I will always regret waiting, yet the wait made some things simpler.

Faster than I ever imagined going. Patience is so vital in transition, but wow! Things go fast too!

[LordKAT]

It feels good when the road starts moving under your feet. Enjoy it for all it is worth. I'm happy for you.

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

Come on now people.  We all know it is "first", not "fist"

[Tori]

I blame apple and autocorrect.

Also, it was funny. Tee hee.

This is a support site. In this case, I found the humor entirely supportive.

Anyhoo...

I am talking about my GP visit and blood test now, so we have moved on.