Disconnected

[Jace]

Does anybody else feel like they're in a dream? Just really disconnected? I feel like that a lot and I'm curious to see if anybody else does too.

To me it feels like life isn't even real. I'm going through the motions and I feel separate. Like it's happening to someone else. It's the weirdest feeling.

[amZo]

Yes.

Disconnected is the word that best describes it IMO.

[King Malachite]

Yup, I feel this way all the time.  This reminds me of a quote from Vincent from The Cowboy Bebop Movie: "I slept and felt that I was awake. I moved through the world and felt like I was dreaming."

[LordKAT]

In earlier years that was true, now it seems that way much less often.

[Mysteryman]

It gets that way sometimes, but what I really feel is conflicted. Its like OK I will have to live with this, and then I somehow try to find my "female" side. Which lately is getting harder and harder to do... And when I do it, it works and people are fooled, but I feel terrible, because I am just reinforcing a lie, that person isn't me.

I think your feelings of disconnection, are similar to my conflicts - when we don't feel like ourselves, then we somehow lose the feeling of familiarity

[carrie359]

Yes,
Even though I have raised a family and married all these years.... looking back part of me never lived ....seriously.. and why I cry and mourn what could have been.
Its like part of me was just along for the ride but never got out... my true self.
Carrie

[Incarlina]

In my early teens I started feeling disconnected from the rest of the world; nothing ever felt 100% real. When I started HRT that feeling went away, and the world suddenly started feeling real.

[brionnaclaire]

Does anybody else feel like they're in a dream? Just really disconnected? I feel like that a lot and I'm curious to see if anybody else does too.

To me it feels like life isn't even real. I'm going through the motions and I feel separate. Like it's happening to someone else. It's the weirdest feeling.

I have been this way pretty much since puberty. Maybe a little bit before. Only recently have I realized that it is most likely due to repressed transgender feelings. Are you seeing a counselor? If so have you talked to him or her about this? That would be a good idea.  I will say I've been becoming more connected to myself since *starting* to accept myself as transgender.  Please keep us up to date on how you're doing.

Hugs,
Claire

[Silvermist]

Does anybody else feel like they're in a dream? Just really disconnected? I feel like that a lot and I'm curious to see if anybody else does too.

To me it feels like life isn't even real. I'm going through the motions and I feel separate. Like it's happening to someone else. It's the weirdest feeling.

What you're describing is known as "derealization": http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Derealization

It could be a symptom of a larger issue.

[Aina]

Some times, but I feel like its more like I am the only person and everything else is like a movie. The odd thing is I don't feel lonely or sad, just as if I am just watching observing and not really doing much..

Eh I guess that is like being disconnected...

[Tanya W]

when we don't feel like ourselves, then we somehow lose the feeling of familiarity

This is a very good description of my experience of 'disconnected'. It often comes to my awareness as a feeling of disconnection with the world, but when I look more closely I realize the root is a sense of not feeling like myself/not feeling familiar with the person that I am.

In teeny, tiny baby steps I am beginning to take these feelings as signals: to pause, to notice what's going on, to consciously find a way to come back to myself a bit. Seems so easy, flickering on the screen like this. In truth, however, not!

[YBtheOutlaw]

'happening to someone else' yeah that's what my life feels like. i don't recognize myself as mine. i don't remember my face, voice or handwriting. i can't recognize them at first glance.
last year i received this great news while i was busy with something else i really liked doing. when mom told me the news i should've been overjoyed and screamed in delight, but instead i was like 'really? cool' and continued what i was doing. mom told this story to a teacher and it had flewn from ear to ear, and finally a friend of mine older than me said that their teacher had talked about me, admiring how i reacted calmly without being proud and loud about it. he had said that any other person would have screamed and jumped up and down and thrown everything in air and bla bla blah and praised that uniqueness in me. but actually, i didn't see it as a reason to become that happy, cos i didn't feel it happened to me!
there are many more such incidents. i really don't identify me as myself. it's pretty weird.

[Rachel]

Yes; however, HRT has help greatly.

Last Wednesday night I had a very serious discussion with my wife about limits, my limits, with respect to presenting and disclosing to others.

I was numb for a day and life was surreal.

I thought about how easy "giving up" would be.

I have a choice, live in a little bigger box than I lived in for 50 years, be me or give up. Cause there are no second chances and I am not going back.

I chose I will continue progressing becoming me, for now. I regained direction, hope and purpose.

[ssneha23]

Yes. Being disconnected has been a constant companion to me all my life. I am so torn apart right now between the life my family wants for me and how I feel about myself. Everyday, I try an suppress my anguish. Some days are good, but on other days when I don't feel strong enough are the days when I get so disconnected with the world, I black out for hours.

   

[Mercédes]

What you're describing is known as "derealization": http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Derealization

It could be a symptom of a larger issue.

I believe that would be the case dependent on the focus. If one is focused on their selves introspectively rather than self relevant. I think being focused on ones self in relation to society/culture/gender norms brings about a sense of Cognitive Dissonance. The feeling of discomfort experienced when simultaneously holding conflicting ideas, beliefs or values. Perhaps among us transgender folk we add to that, a conflict of emotive responses; whether we react in a feminine typical or masculine typical manner to a given situation. We feel dissonance when our skills or traits are outmatched by cis-Gender or transgender people of our target Gender (e.g. "Monique" (MTF) feels dissonance because she is friends with an admittedly alluring Cis-woman that puts little effort into culturing her feminine persona; "Monique" becomes less interested in her transition while also balking at resolving her sense of inferiority in another way).
Regardless of what it is called the feeling of being "Numb" and "disconnected" from ones self or actions is quite real. I've felt it on levels of disrepair and combat it with looking for myself or traits I like in others. by taking the focus of my self and my feelings I try to gain an empathetic view on how others might be feeling (good opportunity to do this, seeing as how one is not feeling or reading their own emotions into the situation) I find that I can then incorporate these insights into my own behavior and thus effectively reinvent myself and the feeling of "disconnection" diminishes.
kinda wordy, but I hope there's something in there that helps.