Lurking

[Emily.T]

Thanks Tanya since finding this site I have had some questions answered and am happy to find that I am not alone yaaay 

Emily.T xx

[helen2010]

This is a super post!  I often sit back and quiet observe the people around me.  This particularly true in malls, during the holidays, when I don't feel like being dragged through stores that have no interest for me.  I'll go to the meeting spot and just watch as the world races past me.

I often wonder, if an alien being were to do the same thing, would they be as thoroughly perplexed as I am?  LOL

For a long time when focused on being the best male I could be, think military, dangerous sports, phlegmatic personality etc, I lurked with intent.  In fact an Aunt said at the time that I always seemed detached, there - but not engaged.  It was a successful strategy as I didn't have to interact authentically and I could use humor as a shield.  It worked and I wasn't discovered.
Only when I started to address and to understand my dysphoria, to question my carefully constructed identity and to seek to be present,  that I engaged, became more authentic and started to seek authenticity in myself and in my relationships.
As I started to grow and to evolve I observed less, I hid less often,  I participated and I sought to own and author my identity.  I still lurk/observe on occasion but it is a conscious choice and not my default mode of operation.

[Jenna Stannis]

Honestly, at times I feel like life is passing me by, while I watch in vain trying to figure out what's going on.

Yes, same. My only consolation is that life is passing everybody by, no matter how hard they try to make it seem as though it isn't. A full life or an empty one, how will we know the difference once we're gone?

[Talitha Cumi]

Putting aside the negative connotations that can arise in the use of the word 'lurking' I must admit to having been lurking since way before Christmas. 

The question is why? What prompted this lurking?

Well, to be brief, I'm naturally shy; although not secretive I have learned to keep my inner most thoughts to myself. In retrospect this has much to do with being transgender and the necessary self-protection modality of fitting in as a male in a binary society. As you are all aware this is a state of being that can easily lead to self-isolation. Recently I have been so uncomfortable with myself that I haven't been able to log on to this site. I fact, I didn't even visit this site at all for several weeks.

What has drawn me back to making this particular comment is due to reading the threads and being very much impressed by what I have read. Leaving quoted examples aside, I have observed love, sincerity, thoughtfulness and great intelligence and wisdom in the conversations I have read. Some threads I have read from cover to cover as it were, some I have just dipped into.

As a 'lurker' I would like to say thank you to all who do contribute their thoughts and life experience in their writings, but most of all for the invariable care and love they express. I have come to know through reading the various threads that I am in safe hands here.

Love to all...