A question out of curiosity

[Sammy]

I have been looking at my pre-everything pictures (made 3+ years ago) and got that really weird feeling that I was looking at someone else. Like my brain keep telling me that it used to be me - but I cant relate to that person on any single level...
I remember having something similar, when I used to look in the mirror and see some kind of stranger looking back at me - this is not anymore. But, well, it just had happened with my old pics of him. I wonder if anyone else is getting the same creepy feeling?

[spacerace]

I can really relate to this.

I don't have a fixed complete image of myself just yet as I am not that far into a medical transition, but even after I first accepted that I am trans looking at myself in the mirror was different.

I had this moment where it made sense that I couldn't really recognize my reflection as myself  in a connected way. It was a very defining point for me. And as a follow up, last week I saw a bit of a change in my face already, or at least it seemed that way, from T effects, and it did truly seem as if I was coming into focus finally.

[suzifrommd]

Sad to say, I get the same creepy feeling both ways. I look at old pictures and know that the person is an illusion. He never existed, a product of smoke and mirrors and decades of pretending.

But then I look at my reflection now, and wonder how I could possibly be that happy woman staring back at me.

[WFane]

I look at my old pics of me in the police academy... completely shaved off hair... gigantic muscles... etc. I look at them and I go "What the hell was I doing???"

[LordKAT]

I remember that looking in the mirror and wondering who that could be, certainly not me. I quit using mirrors because of it.

I use them now, not quite the stranger in there any more.

[JLT1]

I couldn't figure out who that person was looking at me from the mirror.  I, like The LordKat, quit using mirrors. Now, it's not so bad and it's getting better.

[Mattia]

I can really relate to this.

I don't have a fixed complete image of myself just yet as I am not that far into a medical transition, but even after I first accepted that I am trans looking at myself in the mirror was different.

I had this moment where it made sense that I couldn't really recognize my reflection as myself  in a connected way. It was a very defining point for me. And as a follow up, last week I saw a bit of a change in my face already, or at least it seemed that way, from T effects, and it did truly seem as if I was coming into focus finally.

This is pretty much what I feel like.
But I wouldn't call it a creepy feeling. I mean, it feels good, doesn't it, to finally recognize yourself in the mirror, right?

[Robin Mack]

I feel the same way, but about having hair... when I see a picture of me (bald on top, but before I shaved my head, and with a goatee) I really have a strange, uncomfortable feeling.  How could I ever have thought that was a good idea?!

And now, as I begin to transition, I see more and more of the person I have always been peeking out through the eyes in recent photographs... my eyes are more alive, the shadows and haunted look (even in my goofy face photographs) are dissipating...

I think as we accept ourselves, and start to transition, there are visible clues that we pick up on.  We recognize the misery in ourselves that there was before, perhaps.  Yes, it makes me uncomfortable... kind of like looking into the haunting eyes of a suffering stranger in a photograph... with the added realization that the suffering was in *me*.

[Starla]

I cannot WAIT to have that feeling. 

[Jennygirl]

Some say that it takes the brain a mere ~60 seconds to adjust to a new fact or mode of living or to accept something as reality. What the heck am I getting at?

It surprisingly doesn't take long to get used to the changes in the way we look, especially when it's drawn out over a course of months or years. Getting used to a new look [in transition] means that the way we used to look leaves our mind quicker than we might have initially imagined. It is also human nature to assume that "things will always be as they are now", so it's all the more surprising when we notice how much things change visually as a transitioner.

I've noticed this even looking back at some photos as recent as a half a year ago- when I was already full timing it thinking I had settled in and that most of the changes were out of the way. Was I ever wrong about that. Facial changes, presentational changes, fashion differences... it all continues to add up slow enough that it's not noticeable until I see an old photo.

I'm never freaked out by it, it just makes me happy. Before and afters are the jam. I love that thread here

[Emily.T]

I am looking forward to that experience I can't wait to see the real me looking back.

Emily.T xx

[Incarlina]

When I see old photos of myself I always think "You..." in the same voice Seinfeld used to say "Newman..."
But more seriously it's a bit like seeing myself with a broken arm our something; I see someone who isn't feeling well.

The last time I saw my voice therapist she was really excited to let me hear how much progress I'd made since my first visit. But she couldn't quite understand when I didn't want to hear my old voice. Of course, for her it's pride in a job well done, but for me it's just a reminder of something I used to feel bad about.