Comfort zone as a moving target

[DietFresca]

Hi all!

I've recently started dressing as a woman full time (barely a week) and it has been comfortable and frightening at the same time.  I've been mindful to push myself out of my comfort zone, there are things I've been reluctant to do, like pay my rent, because the lady I pay rent to has always only known me as a man.  But I did it anyway, and she was polite and nicer than usual and we actually struck up a conversation about dresses not having pockets and how hard it is to find things in one's purse.

I went to a casino I frequent and the dealer was super nice to me even though she was usually cold towards everyone... she commented on my dress and told me that people won't mind me wearing a dress because I have a kind personality and always treat others well.  It's been nice to hear people call me ma'am, though I realize they're being generous, I don't pass as female by a huge margin.

But after about a week I'm starting to wonder if I've done the right thing.  I'm not sure what to make of this, is it just a period of adjustment or maybe evidence that living as a woman isn't for me? 

[Cindy]

It takes some time to fit into our new lives. Just keep going, it sounds as though you are publicly accepted so just keep going. In a few weeks it will feel really odd not being yourself and the self conscious stuff disappears.

I know cis girls feel a bit odd going out in a mini or a revealing dress when they aren't use to it. And that is what you are going through, just getting use to it!!

Congratulations Darling

Well done!!

I'm very proud of you.

Cindy

[DietFresca]

It takes some time to fit into our new lives. Just keep going, it sounds as though you are publicly accepted so just keep going. In a few weeks it will feel really odd not being yourself and the self conscious stuff disappears.

I know cis girls feel a bit odd going out in a mini or a revealing dress when they aren't use to it. And that is what you are going through, just getting use to it!!

Congratulations Darling

Well done!!

I'm very proud of you.

Cindy

Thanks, it's really helpful to hear words of encouragement right now, the thought of going back to dressing like a man and suppressing my feminine side makes me feel like throwing up.  It feels like I am suddenly in color and might have to go back to being in black and white.  I'll push through it though, after all I just bought 3 new dresses, can't let those go to waste! 

[Cindy]

A while back I was invited to a cocktail party, I was loaned a $3000 Versace and heels to the sky, my BF thought I looked gorgeous and he was proud to be with me. I felt like a clown in drag.

I walked in feeling sick to my stomach, the guys couldn't take their eyes off me and the woman, including the friend who had loaned me the dress, wanted me in the loo ASAP to talk about how I looked.

My clown feelings went from 100 to 0. It is just a matter of getting our minds around it.

Remember natal girl have years of getting use to it - we learn on the 'job'.

HUgs

[LordKAT]

Cindy is right. If going back feels all wrong then the difficult part is just a matter of getting comfortable with who you are. That is something that has been a scary place to go for so long that it takes a bit of courage to get into. It is just new and unfamiliar.



Keep on going forward.

[DietFresca]

I have gotten SO much done since I started dressing full time... it's like all the errands that were piling up to be done are suddenly great excuses to get out there dressed up, to the point that today I finally ran out the backlog of things to do!  If nothing else cross dressing full time has made me ultra productive.

My experience has been 95% positive, there were these two young males in line in front of me at the grocery store, and they were staring, whispering and laughing.  That sucked, but has been the only negative experience so far, I'm sure it won't be the last.

But the people who are nice are VERY nice, I've been called ma'am three times today, I can't help but second guess who they're talking to when people call me ma'am.  I feel they're being extraordinarily kind, I definitely don't pass as a woman.  I was standing in line at a computer store and the manager told one of her employees "help that young lady would you?" and I was slightly bewildered... YOUNG lady?  I'm 40... ok, I'll take it but only because it feels good. 

[Jessica Merriman]

Here is a "BIG HUG" for having the courage to be the real you. Passing is just as much attitude as the other things and I think from hearing about it your attitude passes you very well. Confidence will come in time as Cindy said. You go girl!!! BIG HUG! BIG HUG! BIG HUG! 

[DietFresca]

Status Report:

I've managed to keep up dressing up despite some tough meetings I had to go to, I went to see my new doctor dressed up, the waiting room staff were all super nice and all smiles so that was cool, then my doctor treated me like I would have expected if I was in men's clothes.  Actually for one issue she needed to check my inguinal area and I had to hop off the table, take down my pantyhose, my panties, and she apologized for putting me through all that, so she seems like she's definitely cool with me being dressed up and is able to exercise empathy for me.

I didn't bring up wanting to do HRT just yet, I told my doctor this two docs ago and she freaked out on me, said she had never hear of such a thing... I guess I'll ease into the idea with this new doc.

Today was not a bad day, but no one called me ma'am, indeed 3 people called me "sir" and several little kids stared.  One of my snaps on my knee highs came off from behind on my garter belt and the lady at the pharmacy offered to help me with it, she says she knows how hard those are sometimes.

So it's nice, my little microcosm here in Chicago seems to be comprised of mostly good people, and they're starting to get to know me by name, which makes me feel all the more urgently to come up with a femme name to be known by.  Given my love for the movie Scott Pilgrim vs The World, I have chosen "Ramona Flowers"

[VeronicaLynn]

I like this concept! Thanks for introducing it. Mine is moving too, a bit slower than yours maybe, but whatever, it's still moving...

[Cindy]

Remember boys giggle because they are all T and no brains, children are just that.

My BF little girl (3yr old) told her Mum that I was a different lady to her. Mum asked why, intrigued if she had caught onto gender. The little girl said Cindy is different because she has a sports car. Mmmm so much for gender

Remember most people try to be nice to each other because they like people being nice to them as well. When you come across the rude person don't get put off, just remember they are not nice to themselves or anyone else either.

Your new Doc sounds a person to ask about HRT by the way!!!!