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As time goes... *trigger warning*

Started by Xhianil, November 07, 2013, 02:05:30 AM

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0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Danielle Emmalee

Either I'm missing something or you're missing what I am saying.  I'm not talking about the trans related issues.  I'm talking about your general health situation and the responsibility your Mother has towards that. 
Discord, I'm howlin' at the moon
And sleepin' in the middle of a summer afternoon
Discord, whatever did we do
To make you take our world away?

Discord, are we your prey alone,
Or are we just a stepping stone for taking back the throne?
Discord, we won't take it anymore
So take your tyranny away!
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LordKAT

I may be wrong but, I think the point is, if she leaves home, the risk is greater than staying home, even if it is bad there.
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Xhianil

Quote from: LordKAT on November 07, 2013, 03:55:39 PM
I may be wrong but, I think the point is, if she leaves home, the risk is greater than staying home, even if it is bad there.

Correct, sadly.
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LordKAT

Wish I could help. I raised a number of 'spare' children. Unfortunately, ATM I can't even help myself.
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Xhianil

I doubt i could get up there anyways.
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LordKAT

Is there anyone your parents would let you live with for a year or so?
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Xhianil

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Tessa James

Xhianil if we agree that it's wrong for others to hurt you it follows that no one, even you, gain anything by hurting you.  While it is reasonable to seek relief or look for a way out, you may just be missing out on what may become the best chapter in the story of your life.  That is some of the promise of not knowing our futures.  You may become the one who saves another's life or gets to fall madly in love with a person of your dreams.

Death can be a choice but it gives no second chances we are sure of???

Please hang on Hon, we need you to keep those pups fed, watered and played with.
Open, out and evolving queer trans person forever with HRT support since March 13, 2013
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Seras

Ain't all that much more skinny than me. If you do not want to exercise though that is up to you. Why so thin? Don't eat? Aren't fed? Ridiculous metabolism?

Anyway getting your mind off your problems is not the same as denying them. I know from experience. Dwelling on problems when there is no solution only makes them seem bigger and more insurmountable, to me at least. Dying is unacceptable, that means you lose. You need to either deal with your problems or put them off until you can. If you cannot do one you must do the other. You say you cannot leave your family because the risk is too bad, right. Well risk works both ways and if things are truly as bad as you say (wishing to die, whatever reasons behind you sayin your mum aint doing her job, pretty bad) then I am not sure how much worse things can get. The state, if you are in care, does have an obligation to look after you and will fulfill it. At least in the UK, I assume the USA is not overly 3rd world. The other risk is, it might not be worse.

Not that I am saying you should leave your family. I do not know your situation, I do not know you I don't know how bad you have things compared to me when I was your age. I got off pretty easy. I love distractions especially pleasurable ones, not that I do not regret facing my problems head on earlier but it worked for me. There is always a better way than the one way ticket out. Your life though, you gotta find it, and if you do it will be worth it.

Anyway sorry if my platitudes and whatnot suck. I have never really felt the call of death myself, though my sister once did, however I tried it was near impossible to get through, no matter what I said I could not change how she felt. You know what though, she got through it and now can hardly even believe she thought she wanted it all to end. So just try hold on cause I got one more platitude left. Things get better so **** dying.
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Xhianil

Quote from: Seras on November 07, 2013, 07:15:44 PM
Ain't all that much more skinny than me. If you do not want to exercise though that is up to you. Why so thin? Don't eat? Aren't fed? Ridiculous metabolism?

Not fed.

Putting them off hurts, i feel as if I'll never stop if i start ignoring them.

I am the second i am legally able to get out of there.

Do they? Your just one who got lucky, there are many who haven't.
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Tessa James

Hon we want you to get lucky too!  You can't get lucky or win at all if you are missing from the game.  Sure this life is a crap shoot and a dangerous gamble some days but stay with us please, your luck can change too ;)

Chance favors the prepared mind.  Prepare for better things to come.   We have seen progress in so many marvelous ways right here.....before and after pics huh?

And if you are truly not getting fed please PM me or any mod for more dedicated assistance or??   I have heard not to mess with Texas but I don't take abuse lightly.

If not us here then you might just think about other connections that might include a teacher or someone you can start to trust, a bit at a time?  No more hurting is needed.

Open, out and evolving queer trans person forever with HRT support since March 13, 2013
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LordKAT

If you are not being fed, you can leave home now. Contact a social worker, tell someone at school. It is abuse and you need to end it.
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Xhianil

Quote from: Tessa James on November 08, 2013, 01:19:51 AM
Hon we want you to get lucky too!  You can't get lucky or win at all if you are missing from the game.  Sure this life is a crap shoot and a dangerous gamble some days but stay with us please, your luck can change too ;)

Chance favors the prepared mind.  Prepare for better things to come.   We have seen progress in so many marvelous ways right here.....before and after pics huh?

And if you are truly not getting fed please PM me or any mod for more dedicated assistance or??   I have heard not to mess with Texas but I don't take abuse lightly.

If not us here then you might just think about other connections that might include a teacher or someone you can start to trust, a bit at a time?  No more hurting is needed.

Yes, but life is not a game at all, life has pain and suffering.

Yea, a lot of them do look good, after money was spent.

No way you can help, but I'm working towards fixing it, last night i got free lunch back thankfully, even though it's small it's still something.

No, there is not at all, i tried before.
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Tessa James

Quote from: Xhianil on November 08, 2013, 08:25:41 AM
Yes, but life is not a game at all, life has pain and suffering.

Yea, a lot of them do look good, after money was spent.

No way you can help, but I'm working towards fixing it, last night i got free lunch back thankfully, even though it's small it's still something.

No, there is not at all, i tried before.

You are right about that while life has love and healing too. 

Looking and feeling good can also be free, just add a smile, a wink and a whistle (of course this is trite but still you get the idea ;D)

A work in progress with free lunch--way to go, you rock, and eat and that really is something you did.

New people will be entering your life and may provide new opportunity.  OK I found that one in a fortune cookie
Open, out and evolving queer trans person forever with HRT support since March 13, 2013
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jojoglowe

Xhianil, sometimes.... many times in life we must wait. we must learn patience. take this time as an opportunity to learn patience.

as far as not getting fed. this is common over the world. i work in a poor neighborhood in my city at a community garden. we do what we can. thankfully our city schools have a free breakfast program, free/reduced lunch (about 99% of the kids qualify for totally free). this leaves dinner. i have started cooking classes at some of the schools, and when i pitch it to administrators, i tell them: "i want this class to be at the end of the day, so kids can take extras home to give to their siblings and parent(s). i want it to be like a 5 star restaurant just opened up in our neighborhood, only the food is free and it is a class"

another thing in our neighborhood is there are many community meals. some are better than others, but you might want to look into free meals being offered around your town... but be careful, many are in bad neighborhoods and many troubled people attend.

like Seras said, i do not know you, so i can not make recommendations as to what you should do. i'm assuming you aren't 18. there is a thing called emancipation. if you google "emancipation of minors texas", you should find some info

throughout history, many children have ran away from their parents. i can only imagine what the world would be like if the Buddha never ran away from his parents, sure he was an adult. Parents can be very possessive, i know my mom was. i always thought that she saw my life as a 2nd chance for her to do hers right... only that isn't how it works. it's my life not hers!

i grew up in catholic school and i knew at a very young age how i wanted to live. just like Seras, i did a lot of distracting myself. my childhood and teenage life up to when i finally accepted myself and had the courage to begin transition is like a foggy haze. not many memories from those times and while i wish i had the courage and strength to transition earlier, i made it through those times alive. i graduated college, paid it off, and at that point in my life, felt that i had done my duty to my parents and could begin to live my own life.

i know i've written a lot but perhaps not said much. my best advice is to hang in there. this time will make you a stronger person. look into services like free meals, perhaps get a job at a food service place. i know whenever i worked at subways they gave workers a free 6" each shift. (that was all i ate on many days. student loans don't pay themselves)

back to the hunger issues. i mentioned i work on a community garden. it's more of an urban farm. i'm not too familiar with growing in texas, and i know there's probably whacky water laws out there. but... take a potato, cut it up so you have 2 eyes for each chunk. and plant those i dunno, 2-3 inches deep. google it for better info. but you can turn 1 potato into 20, and it takes a few months, so long as you have enough water. nature is bountiful. nature is our true parent, and it gives us more than enough. many "weeds" here in ohio are edible, and tasty!

so i'm rambling now... my apologies. in short, take this time as an opportunity to grow into a stronger person. don't let your parent(s) attitudes influence your personal confidence and drive. you are a very important person, unfortunately your parents do not see this. much good will come into this world as a result of you living your life, according to your own free will. sounds vague and touchy-feely, but this is true. you will reach the state of bliss, but for now you are in suffering. many of us have been through suffering and have made it out into bliss. i really look forward to hearing your stories once you move out of your current situation. there's tons of cool spots in this country, and even more across the planet. i like that i am from a poor neighborhood in ohio. it somehow reminds me of how luke skywalker was from the equivalent. from the lowest comes the highest. one day you can look back at your past situation and feel joy that you came out of it. your story will help to inspire others who will come after you. we are the pioneers. life isn't easy, but there are great rewards for those who take up it's challenges. imagine the colonials who came to america from europe, imagine our future colonials who will be living on the moon/mars/other earthlike planets far away. it takes a lot of strength to be great, but i think you got it!
o---o---o---o---o---o---peaceloveunderstanding---o---o---o---o---o---o


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Xhianil

Suicide attempt number 2 today... Only reason it failed was lack of planing...
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Danielle Emmalee

I think its better to move out and just figure something out if this is what living with your mother is leading to.  There are social programs that can help you.
Discord, I'm howlin' at the moon
And sleepin' in the middle of a summer afternoon
Discord, whatever did we do
To make you take our world away?

Discord, are we your prey alone,
Or are we just a stepping stone for taking back the throne?
Discord, we won't take it anymore
So take your tyranny away!
  •  

Tessa James

Quote from: Xhianil on November 09, 2013, 04:30:51 PM
Suicide attempt number 2 today... Only reason it failed was lack of planing...

So sorry to hear you feeling that lowly awful seduction of nothingness.  I remain willing to help you get outta there.  Dealing with the County or State people is better than nothing.

I can't know how you feel exactly but I left home and lived in a stolen car at age 16.  I believe you are smarter than I was and can find a better alternative that might just offer a better way forward for you.
Open, out and evolving queer trans person forever with HRT support since March 13, 2013
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Miyah48

Is there different family members. Look it sounds lame but a trusted teacher or a school counselor could help you immensely. Age doesn't matter when it comes to abuse. It's wrong at any age. Even if ur community thinks its wrong for you to be who you are. The other 80 percent of the your  ountry is a bit more open. Don't let them win. Suicide is letting them win. I had a friend tell me that a while back, and I looked at myself and said this is not who I'm going to be for the rest of my life. So I willed what emotions I wanted into exsistence. I created courage out of thin air. And it worked. You don't let the bad thoughts win EVER.
Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication
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Xhianil

There is no one, i have tried, others on here have recomended the same before.
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