Is it all about confidence?

[sam79]

The last week has been really special for me. I had the opportunity for some customer facing retail work for a couple of days this week. I'm getting very close to going full-time, so thought this would be perfect opportunity to see how I went in the real world with my real female appearance, voice etc, and try to get some confidence in myself. I did spend a few days before the job out and about beforehand just testing the waters since I hadn't really been out in much more than andro-girl-mode for months. My biggest fear has been ridicule and nastiness from not quite passing well yet...

Anyway, ignoring the lead up to this temp job, I was so nervous the first day, and must have looked it to begin with. I was clocked a few times on the way there, but handled that as well as I could. My skin is certainly getting thicker now days. Also, the shop wasn't really expecting a woman either, so that was interesting and more cause for worry, but I guess they figured it out quickly . So through the first day it was really busy, with customer after customer. Busy enough that I forgot all about my situation and just was for much of the day. Aside from occasional curious glances from customers, it was great!. My voice held out the entire day, as did everything else, and I was on a high by the end of the day.

After that first day, I started to figure out that it was totally about confidence at that point. Just about being comfortable, belonging, owning my appearance, and voice... The next day was just magical and kinda proved it... Without any other physical differences ( other than dress of course ), it felt like I went from passing ok-ish to almost fully. At least I *think* I passed better, based on the very little attention / glances I attracted during the day. Even got called a sweetheart by one rather nice gentleman ...  Just magical...

It was also a unique experience as I was able to see some other trans peoples come through the store. Some of them passed very well, some less so. I also tried not to serve them, because I wanted to observe my colleague in helping them, and well, I might make them uncomfortable since we all know that it takes one to know one . The ladies who were confident with their voice and body language did fine... My colleague gendered them correctly in all cases and nobody else really noticed them. With a couple of quiet and meek ladies though, they spoke quietly and looked rather withdrawn. My colleague even misgendered one such meek transwoman... .

All in all, best experience to date... and just goes to show how important it is to just own the situation

[Ms Grace]

Absolutely! Feeling comfortable and confident with who you are is such a large part of passing successfully. It's easier said than done of course, I struggled with confidence during my first transition and it was one of the things that brought me unstuck. Looking back at photos of myself from then I had no reason to worry, yet I did and it ate away at my confidence. This time it's gonna be different!

Congrats on your wonderfully positive experience!

[Cindy]

Congratulations Honey!

That is the secret, be proud, be confident and don't give a damn what people think and they will accept you as you.

[Megumi]

First congrats on the positive experience

From my own RLE I have to agree. Confidence is a huge factor in how you are seen by others. Ive been told that it is the main thing that they see in their first impression of meeting me. Being as natural & confident as possible in your correct gender role makes a difference!

[Eva Marie]

I also agree that confidence is key. When I've been out in girl mode and was 100% confident in my appearance and who I am I found that the world is my oyster and no one seems to question my validity or even look at me.

However, when I've out and less confident I did get a lot of looks and that made me even less confident to the point of just wanting to go back home.

People see the changes that radiate from you when you are confident and respond to them. People also sense fear and uncertainty too.

[vlmitchell]

Yeah, without confidence, nothing about this whole experience is anything but kind of painful.

[evecrook]

about 15 years ago ,long before  my present HRT experience I used to go out shopping for dresses dressed as a female. I was terrified at first but I had to do it for myself. I found out that most people are incredibly nice, I had a great time, The ladies in the stores let me try on the dresses and never said any thnig to me, even though I could not of been that passable at the time. congrats and love it.

[Jill F]

Confidence is a huge, huge part of it.  It is often the difference between making it or not.  If you don't carry yourself well, people will automatically think something is off and then try to put their finger on why that is.  *bam* Clocked again!  Grrrr...

I didn't even begin to own my female presentation until I first ran out of sh^+s to give about what anyone else thought about me.   That moment was quite empowering, and it gave me the push I needed to take it all to the next level.  After all, my therapist had just asked me why I wouldn't just want to be Jill 24/7 if there was nothing really stopping me from doing so.  As it turned out, the only barriers preventing me from a full tranistion were in my own head.  I wasn't out to anyone other than my wife and an old friend at the time, but if I knew for sure that I was going to spend the rest of my life presenting and being hormonally female, I could finally tell the whole world and move on.  My growing breasts were about to out me anyway, so I did the unlikely thing and took the full time plunge sooner rather than later.

If I failed, or it did not enhance the quality of my life at all, I could just pack it in as a failed experiment, live on low dose HRT, wear baggier shirts and continue to be my former self publically with hardly anyone knowing about what I had done.  If it went well, I'd know for sure that I could transition and plan my life accordingly.  I had my answer within a couple of weeks.   It turns out that it was not so much my appearance that was giving me away at first, but my mannerisms and demeanor.   My appearance really did not change that much, but the sudden immersion in girlyland forced me to sink or swim and the double takes almost ceased immediately and completely.  I "passed".  Holy crap!   After capping off an awesome weekend in Vegas and being treated like any other woman the entire time, I informed my therapist what I had done (to her amazement) and that I intended to make it all permanent.  I ended up coming out via Facebook two weeks later, purged my guy clothes and never looked back. 

What I learned was that attitude can make up for a lack of experience in a big way.  I had never even allowed myself to dress until one year ago.  I started E in late January.  I did not even go out my front door dressed until February.  I went out of town dressed for the first time in early March, and I was full time by late March. 

That is my testament (pun intended) to confidence. 

[sam79]

Thank you for all of the responses, and confirmation...

I guess this is one of those secret things you have to learn or discover for yourself.

And now that I have found it...       

[Cindy]

Thank you for all of the responses, and confirmation...

I guess this is one of those secret things you have to learn or discover for yourself.

And now that I have found it...     

Walk proudly with your head held high and ENJOY!!!!!

[Northern Jane]

I agree that confidence is a MAJOR factor!!!

I lived my teens part-time en femme and had SRS and transitioned at 24, in 1974. In my naivety I believed that I WAS a woman, just like any other, I carried no asterisk and had ZERO doubt and transition was a piece of cake! I was accepted 100% and nobody ever doubted that I was born female. I have no doubt that my faith in myself was the primary factor. If you don't doubt yourself, nobody else will either.

[Jill F]

If you don't doubt yourself, nobody else will either.

^this!

[Katie]

Life in general is about confidence. Predators love going after those that lack this..........

Ironic that so many trans people talk about the big bad world but they simply lack the confidence to face it. Some go as far as suggesting that the law needs to protect them but I have news for you. Laws don't change human nature (or animalistic instincts) and predators often don't pay much attention to laws.

For some inspiration for those of you that are trying to gain the confidence to face the world....... you are not the first person to go through transiton. As a matter of fact countless people have already and they paved a dusty muddy road with blacktop. It has never been easier to be the person you claim you are.

Katie

[sam79]

For some inspiration for those of you that are trying to gain the confidence to face the world....... you are not the first person to go through transiton. As a matter of fact countless people have already and they paved a dusty muddy road with blacktop. It has never been easier to be the person you claim you are.

I'm not sure that this helps with finding confidence in the first place... I mean, 90% of the battle is within. Once that battle is done with, sure, knowing you're one of many is certainly comforting. .

Perhaps millions have jumped out of planes to skydive. I know it's pretty safe and all, but I'm not sure any of that helps to get out of the door that first time.    Same kind of thing I think.

[ErinM]

My passibility was at about 50% and my biggest problem was that I couldn't relax when presenting female. I knew that my confidence needed a lot of work, and for that to happen I needed to stop being devastated when I did get clocked.

This is why I basically threw myself into the fire so to speak. I transitioned at work in a public facing retail job. I needed to put myself in the situation were I couldn't retreat if I started to loose my nerve. Sure enough my brain automatically started finding coping mechanisms and my confidence has soared. Now I'd say my passibility is much higher, even to the point were customers seem genuinely confused when co-workers slip up on pronouns. 

There are the occasional times when I do still psych myself out, and sure enough those are the times I get read, but thankfully I can let it roll off my back and continue on.

[Paige0000]

Oh absolutely confidence is a huge factor. I've only just recently learn that. Today I spend the entire day out in pubs, socializing, shopping etc completely relaxed and with full confidence in myself. I wore a cute dress shirt, my shoulder purse and skinny jeans with no make up at all and was treated just like any other woman. I've only been on hormones for 5 months too.

[Anatta]

Kia Ora,

Confidence can be liken to a balloon, it tends to get a little more inflated each time one venture outside their comfort zone-but one must be careful, because for some balloons it only takes just a little 'prick' to puncture it  (if you get my drift)  -So make sure you carry a puncture repair kit at all times...

Metta Zenda

[LordKAT]

  so true!

Kia Ora,

Confidence can be liken to a balloon, it tends to get a little more inflated each time one venture outside their comfort zone-but one must be careful, because for some balloons it only takes just a little 'prick' to puncture it  (if you get my drift)  -So make sure you carry a puncture repair kit at all times...

Metta Zenda