My experience with cd-ing is hard to for me to explain. I felt inexplicably compelled to do it, but also felt a mountain of guilt, shame, and mental anguish when I did it. Normal guys aren't supposed to want to wear female clothing. I felt like a freak and a pervert. What was I thinking? What the hell was wrong with me? Yes, I've purged countless times thru the years and at age 59 now, I've basically given up, and feel like a complete fool when I think about dressing up. I desperately wanted to, but I never did feel like I made an attractive woman. I was a man in a dress. I grew to loathe the thought of cd-ing, and I haven't actively cd-ed for quite awhile now. Do I still read online cd forums? Yes. Do I still think about wearing female clothes, and what "might have been"? Yes...OFTEN. Am I Transgender? Who knows? I probably am.
Confusion? Definitely. Deep dark depression? I've been there a time or two.
I don't have all the answers. Come to think of it...I probably don't have any...and most likely never will. I heard this once...
Never underestimate the pain of a person because the truth is everyone is struggling. It's just that some people hide it better than others. Maybe that's true? Although, I'm not sure hiding it is the most healthy approach.
