My voice journey

[anjaq]

A Triple room is ok, they are just a little bit larger than the twin rooms. and a bit more expensive. Make sure he does not give you a bed in a triple room filled with 2 other people!

[Teslagirl]

A Triple room is ok, they are just a little bit larger than the twin rooms. and a bit more expensive. Make sure he does not give you a bed in a triple room filled with 2 other people!

Good point! I'll get clarification.

[iKate]

I think that's what I have. It's a double bed and a single.

[anjaq]

So, I got another rather confusing reply from Jessie about my questions regarding my voice issues - That I can still reach the G2 seems to not worry them, I am supposed to just wait. But what I cannot really get clarity about is what voice pattern to use for the exercises. I guess I will have to trust my local voice therapist to see how she can handle this. Basically the issue is - the Yeson exercises start at the C4 - but apparently my voice break is extremely low, so it is right in that range. I am not supposed to use "falsetto" for the exercises - I can only assume they mean head voice by that because I dont have any real falsetto sounding voice pattern. If I use full chest voice though, they say its a male phonation pattern that I should not use either. So I can try using my trained chest voice variation, but this is not healthy sounding usually - it has hoarseness or breathiness in it and some weird diplophonia - I can use it only for the range up to the C4 and it is not really nice. But maybe thats the whole point - to train that part of my voice again, even if it is way lower than the C4-G4 range they are proposing in the exercises. I guess I dont even have to go much beyong the D4 then because that is already over the break. At the same time she tells me to train my upper voice range and not use the low voice range. Oh and I am not supposed to do the exercises if my voice sounds hoarse or if it hurts. So I am feeling like I am facing a dilemma - I cannot do the exercises if I follow all these rules and without the exercises, no improvement will come.     

Also the way it sounded, if I do the exercises, the voice break supposedly moves up? I thought this would be impossible, I thought what I can do is to make the break less audible, but not to change its position.   

The hoarseness and all that apparently comes from the vocal tremor, so I really consider asking around about surgeons here who can treat vocal tremors with Botox again. I wish Yeson offered a Skype-Video speech therapy session to analyze and then exercise the voice in the right way at least once in a while.

In everyday life, my voice is doing fine - its feminine, I dont think I will ever get misgendered again by it - I was told by 2 people that its better than in the rainbow-recordings. So it was very liberating to have the surgery in respect of the gender issue and of the way how it feels to me, it boosts my self-esteem a lot.    But it sounds hoarse and breaks whenever I switch between higher and lower pitch while speaking (using a normal female voice melody), which bugs me.

[Teslagirl]

So, I got another rather confusing reply from Jessie about my questions regarding my voice issues -

Yes, I find emails from people in Korea are not as direct as we might expect in the West and it can be confusing.

So I can try using my trained chest voice variation, but this is not healthy sounding usually - it has hoarseness or breathiness in it and some weird diplophonia

I've heard this double note in some other Yeson patients. It did worry me, but my feeling is it is something which goes away.

The hoarseness and all that apparently comes from the vocal tremor, so I really consider asking around about surgeons here who can treat vocal tremors with Botox again. I wish Yeson offered a Skype-Video speech therapy session to analyze and then exercise the voice in the right way at least once in a while.

But you don't want to keep having botox do you Anja?

In everyday life, my voice is doing fine - its feminine, I dont think I will ever get misgendered again by it - I was told by 2 people that its better than in the rainbow-recordings. So it was very liberating to have the surgery in respect of the gender issue and of the way how it feels to me, it boosts my self-esteem a lot.    But it sounds hoarse and breaks whenever I switch between higher and lower pitch while speaking (using a normal female voice melody), which bugs me.

This is very positive Anja. I'm sure it will settle down with time. Have you asked Jenny and the others who had the surgery some time ago about it? It might be useful to get their perspective.

[Teslagirl]

I think that's what I have. It's a double bed and a single.

How will you be paying for the room Kate?

[anjaq]

But you don't want to keep having botox do you Anja?

This is very positive Anja. I'm sure it will settle down with time. Have you asked Jenny and the others who had the surgery some time ago about it? It might be useful to get their perspective.

Well, if the tremors are causing my voice to be bad, I'd rather have Botox than take Clonazepam all the time - I also dont think the Clonazepam is as effective as the Botox.

Well I think most who had the surgery keep saying that it takes time. I bothered some of them occasionally but I think I am being a bit annoying by asking about this all the time, so I think I should not ask so much and rather just wait until things are healing. Maybe it just falls into place after a while - for about 3/4 who have been to Yeson and written about it here that seems to have been the case - but for some it takes a while longer. Its all kind of things that seem to happen - I have to unlearn a lot after 17 years - I have to learn something new - maybe only I can do that without much help.

[Teslagirl]

I have to unlearn a lot after 17 years - I have to learn something new - maybe only I can do that without much help.

That is a bit daunting. I'll have to unlearn 30 years of control... I'm not sure I'll be able to do it!

[Teslagirl]

Well, if the tremors are causing my voice to be bad, I'd rather have Botox than take Clonazepam all the time - I also dont think the Clonazepam is as effective as the Botox.

Well I think most who had the surgery keep saying that it takes time. I bothered some of them occasionally but I think I am being a bit annoying by asking about this all the time, so I think I should not ask so much and rather just wait until things are healing. Maybe it just falls into place after a while - for about 3/4 who have been to Yeson and written about it here that seems to have been the case - but for some it takes a while longer. Its all kind of things that seem to happen - I have to unlearn a lot after 17 years - I have to learn something new - maybe only I can do that without much help.

I don't believe they will be annoyed at all. We all help each other in all sorts of ways don't we?
In all the voice samples I've heard from you, you sound great. Is it possible for you to upload your voice when you do have these tremors?

Sarah

[iKate]

How will you be paying for the room Kate?

They took prepayment in cash. Actually I had to put 50% via PayPal before arrival and the balance in ₩ when I got there.

[anjaq]

I dont think the tremors are episodic. I think they are just always causing my voice to be a bit breathy or break a bit at some notes - or cause some hoarseness. Its not so audible in the recordings though, but in real life my voice seems to be on one side better, but also more hoarse sounding.

Regarding Phil House, I did the same - I did a prepayment of 50% to make the reservation and payed the rest in cash, but I could probably have paid the rest with Creditcard, which would have been cheaper.

[iKate]

Regarding Phil House, I did the same - I did a prepayment of 50% to make the reservation and payed the rest in cash, but I could probably have paid the rest with Creditcard, which would have been cheaper.

The guy at the front desk cringed when I pulled out a credit card and asked me for cash.

In retrospect I would have probably enjoyed a hotel in the city better but Phil House is not too bad. Credit card would have been cheaper but the difference is like $1-$2

[Teslagirl]

The guy at the front desk cringed when I pulled out a credit card and asked me for cash.

In retrospect I would have probably enjoyed a hotel in the city better but Phil House is not too bad. Credit card would have been cheaper but the difference is like $1-$2

Could you expand on why it might have been better to have stayed in a hotel Kate? It's probably not too late for me to rebook, but then I probably won't be able to cook for myself if I stay in a hotel.

Sarah.

[iKate]

Could you expand on why it might have been better  to have stayed in a hotel Kate? It's probably not too late for me to rebook, but then I probably won't be able to cook for myself if I stay in a hotel.

Sarah.

I collect points for loyalty programs like SPG and HHonors. Also airline miles. Also it would have been closer plus hotels do more stuff for you. Here at Phil house you have to do your own housekeeping for example. Also everything seems far, like a long subway ride.

That said, if your main mission here is yeson then Phil house is perfect.

It's cheap so I'm not really complaining.

[anjaq]

I think Phil House is more for those who also likes backpacking, booking holiday flats etc instead of booking luxurious hotels

No, in all seriousness - Phil House is more like a mix between a hotel and a holiday flat. So you have your own stove, washing machine, fridge - but there is only few cleaning and little breakfast. But its cheap (especially if you are travelling by two) and they have barbeques and such. If you have the money and dont want to cook yourself, I guess you have a wide choice of good hotels that will offer more services and are closer to the shopping districts in Meyongdong or Insadong.

For me the main reason was acually the money - I had company and we paid about 600 EU or so for the whole stay for 2 people. My credit was pretty much maxed out with the surgery, flights, accomodation, food and some souveniers. If I had 1000 or 2000 EU more to spare without going into debt, I might just have taken some nice full service hotel, too

[anjaq]

Here is a different standard text I read today - I dont like the recording much - i have to concentrate on reading and misread a few times. Average pitch is about 175 Hz. My impression is that my voice suffers a bit from the heat wave of >30°C here.
http://vocaroo.com/i/s1gYdptmCnow

[anjaq]

Here are pictures of my last voice examination: http://imgur.com/a/0FFi9

What is visible is that the suture healed well, no scarring, in one of the Photos one can see in green the suture threads. But also visible is that I still seem to have vocal tremor and asymmetry - the vocal volds don't close at the top (posterior) and in some of the phonations, one can see that the vocal folds dont close in the middle either but are asymmetric or doing an "O"-shape. I am a bit at a loss what causes this, I sent the video to Yeson and lets see what they say.

[Dena]

That is a real puzzle but my best guess is that tissue on the inter edge for some reason is lose and the tissue backing it is tight. This allow the edge tissue to "flap in the breeze" much like a lose sail on a boat would do. If that's the case, any surgery to correct it would be rather complex and I am not sure it would be worth the risk.

[anjaq]

Well, I still hope it is just part of the healing process - some parts may contract faster, other take more time - the muscles need to get used to the different situations and relax more. After 17 years of having to control the voice, they now have to let go...

I thought I'd post a voice update today and then let the topic rest for a while. Its been 5 months now, my voice is ok, it has a female sound to it I think, I dont have the male undertones, If I am startled, I will make sounds at a nice pitch - higher than I usually use it for speaking. I dont feel I stick out anymore in womens only groups with my voice, but some breathiness remains and in everyday conversations I can sometimes have a rather low pitch of about 160-180 Hz on average, which is still ok. Reading the sample texts, I get 180-210 Hz depending on how I go about it - so both average pitches are relaxed - they are just different ways of speaking in some small way. I think after this, I will just let the voice topic run free for some months, do my exercises if i can, take my pills until they run out and see what is happening by month 9.

One fun thing yesterday was, I was just giggling for some reason and squeaking a bit and at one moment the pitch got crazy high and my laughter was sounding like a little girl. This was so funny

Anyways: Here is my voice recordings:
http://vocaroo.com/i/s1ea4YZWk5t7 (lower, today about 180 Hz)
http://vocaroo.com/i/s0oJZVY7wHPA (german, today about 190-200 Hz)
http://vocaroo.com/i/s0Tluz84WWNd (german, pre op, about 150 Hz)
http://vocaroo.com/i/s1YTIZYC1bum (higher, today about 210 Hz)

Lowest pitches in the recordings is usually around 150 Hz for some words. Some passages of several words average at 160 Hz, but its compensated by parts in the voice melody that are above 200 Hz again. So I think its ok to have some low pitch passages.

Greetings

[Dena]

I am not sure where you want to work the voice but the first two samples sound good. You have enough inflection in the voice to hit a few higher notes and pull any doubt out of a persons mind that the lower notes are near the male range. This is the same thing that a woman with a lower voice uses naturally to gender female with a lower voice.

The last sample almost sounds like you may be working out of your range. The higher notes sound flat or stressed and I think I detect a break in the voice when you are sliding frequencies. This may be a healing issue, learning to work the new range, the result of the 5 week rest period after surgery or a flaw in your voice. You will be able to tell better than me. It may clear as time goes on but I think for the moment, you sweet spot for a speaking voice may be around 190-200Hz but the 180Hz will work as well if you are comfortable using that range.