Writing stories

[Asche]

Lately, I've been writing stories for myself.

They start out as fantasies, the sort of things that just sort of come to me, but seem to me feel better.  If I have them for a while, they turn into long narratives, and I start writing them down.  Then I start getting compulsive, and want them to be consistent and the characters to be realistic, not just cardboard cutouts.  More pieces start popping into my head, and then I have to add narrative to link them into the story.  One is up to 70 chapters (they're mostly 1000 - 2000 words per chapter), but I'm hitting writers block.  I haven't actually finished any.

I go back and forth about whether I'd ever want somebody else to read them, but if I go back and reread parts a few weeks (or a few years) later, I kind of go: huh.  To my not-exactly-objective eye, they look kind of interesting.   And I've been noticing some themes.  There's a lot of sex, as you might expect.  But they're actually more about relationships and emotions, and there's a lot of dialog.   One that I was writing back when my marriage was on its long slide towards divorce involves a lot of (mutual) hostility between the main characters and how that gets worked out.  Now I'm noticing a TG element in my more recent ones.  My most recent one involves a guy whose body is transformed (more or less) into a female one and how he deals with it.  I'm guessing these stories come from my unconscious and are about stuff I'm dealing with, but I can't see exactly how.

Does anyone else write stories for themselves?

Does anyone have any idea what one does with stories like these, besides squirrel them away on a hard drive somewhere?

[insane_protagonist]

I've always made up stories ever since I was a kid. I never wrote much of it down because writing takes longer than thinking and when I write I always want to make it perfect and I'm not great at writing long-form with descriptions and whatnot. I still TRY, usually during NaNoWriMo, but I can't usually see a piece of writing through to polished end form. I'd rather move on to the next thing, haha.

Since I draw, my stories are more likely to become comics. I put the ones that actually get drawn on the internet (see the link in my signature). I have plenty of stuff that might never see the light of day, but it's a vital part of me coping and figuring myself out.

I would consider myself more than a hobbyist, but not quite a professional since I don't actually make any income from what I do (yet). I'm working towards that because I finally realized that it was POSSIBLE.

I can talk art and story theory all day, but you just asked whether anybody wrote stories for themselves, so I'll leave it at that. XD

[Natkat]

Lately, I've been writing stories for myself.

They start out as fantasies, the sort of things that just sort of come to me, but seem to me feel better.  If I have them for a while, they turn into long narratives, and I start writing them down.  Then I start getting compulsive, and want them to be consistent and the characters to be realistic, not just cardboard cutouts.  More pieces start popping into my head, and then I have to add narrative to link them into the story.  One is up to 70 chapters (they're mostly 1000 - 2000 words per chapter), but I'm hitting writers block.  I haven't actually finished any.

I go back and forth about whether I'd ever want somebody else to read them, but if I go back and reread parts a few weeks (or a few years) later, I kind of go: huh.  To my not-exactly-objective eye, they look kind of interesting.   And I've been noticing some themes.  There's a lot of sex, as you might expect.  But they're actually more about relationships and emotions, and there's a lot of dialog.   One that I was writing back when my marriage was on its long slide towards divorce involves a lot of (mutual) hostility between the main characters and how that gets worked out.  Now I'm noticing a TG element in my more recent ones.  My most recent one involves a guy whose body is transformed (more or less) into a female one and how he deals with it.  I'm guessing these stories come from my unconscious and are about stuff I'm dealing with, but I can't see exactly how.

Does anyone else write stories for themselves?

Does anyone have any idea what one does with stories like these, besides squirrel them away on a hard drive somewhere?

your way sound pretty simular to me.

I mostly writte but I also make comics. it just Comics are alot harder work than writting because you both have to do the story and the drawing and everything where in writting you only.. well writte.. and im a pretty fast writter beside the fact I make ALOT of spelling mistakes.

for the moment I am very busy so I haven't got the time for it, I work on my comic, a cover and some logo for a transgroup when I got the time. I hope to publish something one day. so far I have only published 1 cover but I keep on the work =)

I diffently think you should find someone who would read it. But sure you have to find someone you belive would be interesteed and is for the type of story you read.

[Pica Pica]

I write; had a few short stories published and won a competition with one.

I also write novels. I have completed two and there are lots of half written ones littered about my computer. I think I will finish this one I am writing now. The first one I finished stemmed from a diary I was writing and it wasn't until I was halfway through that I stopped pretending it wasn't a novel.

I have found writing very good for me and therapeutic.  I  find that writing is essential to my sense of agency in my life. When I don't write for a few days I feel a loss of control, that life is happening to me and not me to it. Writing gives me that feeling that I am acting onto the world and not just consuming and reacting to what it offers me then I start getting tetchy and having frustrating dreams. I suppose I mark my own going forward through life in words.

[JillSter]

There's a lot of sex, as you might expect.  But they're actually more about relationships and emotions

You sound like me!

I love to write, and I admit I write *cough* probably more than my share of erotica. But it always turns into sappy, feelingsy, lovey dovey mush. I love it!

I guess I'm a romance novelist at heart. Even my sci-fi and fantasy turns into uh, x-rated romance -- if that's a thing.

[Lo]

I don't write -all- the time, but I do have a number of stories that are currently in the queue to be finished... I guess I should mention that I'm a cartoonist as well, so by "finished", I mean thumbed, penciled, inked, colored, and lettered.

Currently all other bigger projects are on the backburner until I finish my current comic... which is going to be another 400+ pages and several years lol. I do short stories that take place in the story world, though, which are fun (and hard to come up with *^*), but I don't do them unless I get funding from readers.

There's no sex in my comics, and no romance in most of them either. Bleh. I just want my action, adventure, suspense, and good sci-fi/fantasy without all that mush. All my characters are ace like me.

[Tanya W]

I  find that writing is essential to my sense of agency in my life. When I don't write for a few days I feel a loss of control, that life is happening to me and not me to it.

I love this quote Pica, as it so expresses my experience. After reading it I went running for a definition of 'sense of agency' as I thought it would be interesting to check an 'official' source. Here's what I found: "the subjective awareness that one is initiating, executing, and controlling one's own volitional actions in the world."

When I write regularly, the process pulls me into my life in some way. Without it, the roller coaster ride that is my experience of dysphoria results in my pulling away. Standing at such a distance from life events, I feel like I have no role in their unfolding. At the closer vantage point permitted by writing, some sort of role is sensed.

I think of a column Naomi Wolfe wrote about Angelina Jolie after the latter's mastectomies. The title was 'Owning one's narrative erases shame.' When I write the stories of my life - this is my content focus - I am owning my narrative. This does many things for, including erasing - well, reducing - shame and increasing my sense of agency.

This thread and these reflections are so timely for me. I have been so so so depressed these last few days and tellingly I have allowed writing practice to fall away. Forcing myself to type something here, reaffirming the value of this process I feel a little crack in the cloud cover.   

[insane_protagonist]

I don't write -all- the time, but I do have a number of stories that are currently in the queue to be finished... I guess I should mention that I'm a cartoonist as well, so by "finished", I mean thumbed, penciled, inked, colored, and lettered.

Currently all other bigger projects are on the backburner until I finish my current comic... which is going to be another 400+ pages and several years lol. I do short stories that take place in the story world, though, which are fun (and hard to come up with *^*), but I don't do them unless I get funding from readers.

There's no sex in my comics, and no romance in most of them either. Bleh. I just want my action, adventure, suspense, and good sci-fi/fantasy without all that mush. All my characters are ace like me.

Is your comic online anywhere or is it a print comic? I'd be interested to see it!

[Lo]

I'll PM you with the link.

--

I'm reminded of a conversation it had with my dad once. Not sure why I still feel like I trust him enough to share these kinds of thoughts because the past 15 years have been nothing but broken trust. It was a road trip and we were just trying to make conversation, but I'd revealed that if I lost the use of my eyes or hands, or couldn't make art anymore for some reason, I wouldn't have a reason to live. Of course it triggered one of his rages and he proceeded to inundate me with insults, but it's the truth. I do the art for me, and if I can't live for me, what's the point, yannow?

[Asche]

I love to write, and I admit I write *cough* probably more than my share of erotica. But it always turns into sappy, feelingsy, lovey dovey mush. I love it!

I guess I'm a romance novelist at heart. ...

I wouldn't say that my stories have romance in them.  There's no "they meet, fall in love, and are blissfully happy" stuff.  More like, they meet, have a lot of ups and downs, eventually try to work something out, etc.  I think it's because I've never had the "fall in love, be happy" stuff in my life.

Relating to another person is always hard work for me and usually unsuccessful, so my idea of a wish-fulfillment fantasy is having the hard work actually lead to something I don't regret in the long run, and pain that actually means something (as opposed to "a tale told by an idiot"), sprinkled with occasional moments of joy or pleasure.  The "fall in love, be happy" thing is so impossible I can't bear to even fantasize about it.

Also, I like having characters who are people in their own right, not just accessories, and my impression is that when you fall in love with someone, it's more that you are falling in love with a fantasy of the other person, which means you're ignoring who they really are.  (Not that I have much experience , the closest I've come is a few unrequited crushes.)

There's a lot of sex in my stories, partly because I see it as a way of relating, and I think partly because it's sort of the elephant in the living room whenever you're with a MOTAS -- the potential of sex is always there, but unless you have A Relationship(tm), you're not supposed to talk about it.  This way, I can talk about it (at least to myself.)  Besides, I want to keep reminding myself that I am not a eunuch (yet), as they say.

MOTAS = member of the appropriate sex.

[insane_protagonist]

With Regard To romance and/or sex in stories:

The stories I make up tend to have a lot of romantic subplots - and relationships are even the overall driving force behind a lot of what happens in my stories.
HOWEVER, there's almost never a "fall in love, live happily ever after" progression. There's a lot of turmoil and angst complicated feelings. Characters might be in love but not end up together. They might end up together but they have to fight for it and there's always SOMETHING to overcome - kinda like real life I guess.

I've only recently become sex-positive enough to consider including sex in anything I would show to anybody but my partner... In the case of my webcomic there's a LOT of relationships, some of them involve sex at some point (there are asexual relationships too), but that's all stuff that's never gonna happen "onscreen". I've made up TONS of cracky "fanfic-ish" sexy stories about my characters for my own enjoyment, though, haha!

... And naturally almost all of the relationships in my stories are queer. XD

[Asche]

I've gotten a ways along on my latest story:

My most recent one involves a guy whose body is transformed (more or less) into a female one and how he deals with it.

It's interesting to read what I've written and see the themes and see how they relate to my own life and struggles.  It's a form of self-discovery.

The main struggle the protagonist is dealing with is how to live in a world which can only conceive of people who are clearly male or clearly female when who you are (past and present) doesn't fit into either box.  Zie, rather reluctantly, decides to mainly pass as the sex that matches hir body, but longs to have people recognize the other parts of hir.  This pretty much describes the struggle I'm going through these days.  Actually, I think i've struggled with it all my life, but not seen it that way until now.

Another is accepting hir attraction to things that society only permits women to enjoy: looking pretty (or at least wanting to), wearing pretty clothes, wanting people to enjoy looking at you, wanting to be desired, and dealing with hir early (male) training that forbids them.  If you saw how I usually dress now, you'd see how this relates to me.

There are also themes relating to my own past: my misery when I was in school because I couldn't fit in, and my parents' utter inability to address it.  And the often rather concrete thoughts of committing suicide which I had on a daily basis back then and which have never really left me.

It's also interesting to see how my depiction of sex in my stories differs from sex in my real life.  In my stories, sex is about being with someone who really cares about  you and is gentle and considerate, it's a physical and bodily expression of that caring, and it makes you feel more connected and more whole.  That's not how I see it depicted in the world I live in, and it's not what I've experienced much myself.  Also, in my recent stories, the protagonist makes love with people of both sexes at one time or another (though I'm having a hard time actually writing the same-sex parts), and the caring and connection are far more important that the sex of the partner.  In real life, I've only ever been attracted to women, but I keep wondering if that's because I'm somehow wired that way, or if I've just never met a man who had the qualities that would make me sexually attracted to him -- I've never been able to relate to men, somehow.

[Lavender]

I used to write quite a bit. Mostly for escapism but sometimes I just would start and go on and on. Never really made a draft or anything, ideas just seem to flow on paper sometimes. Poetry was the usual thing though, because you can't form an entire story on one kind of sporadic idea. When it IS a narrative though, it usually either has to do with Fantasy (Elves and Orcs and Fae, oh my!) or a more realistic inner self kind of thing.

I need to start writing again actually. 

[Shantel]

I wrote a short story about events that I experienced during a war that was published, I've had letters from readers that liked it. I wrote from the female side of my brain and instead of discussing the mechanics of an operation like most males do, I wrote about the feelings and emotions that were going on.

I've written poems and won second place in a national contest, these things were vents for my PTSD issues and helped me work through some of my issues.

[Space Pirate]

I'm an avid writer, having written about fourteen manuscripts in my day.  Writing is one of the ways I work through a lot of my emotions, especially about my gender.  In fact, I'm working on a trilogy right now that very closely parallels what I'm going through as I open up to the world.

I do write fantasies a lot too.  I used to use sci-fi and robots and dolls as a way of reconciling how I felt inside and what I looked like on the outside.  Lots of self-insertion fantasies about becoming a doll or becoming a robot or a cyborg, whereupon I was both absolved of responsibility (and thus any guilt or shame) about it through some form of mind control or programming or what have you and then could finally be free to be who I wanted to be (dress the way I wanted to, act how I wanted to, etc).  Lately though I've been using superpowers as a good emotional analogy and I find this story I'm working on now evolves along with me.

[Shantel]

Space Pirate,
         Your post brought to mind the android gal in Blade Runner.

[Space Pirate]

To a teenage boy who can't perceive his own gender, it feels easier to be feminine and it's not that far of a logical leap to visualize oneself as a doll from there.