Switching from "pre-op" to "non-op" for reasons other than health or money?

[suzifrommd]

When the psychologist I had hired to write my referral letter for SRS told me at the end of the session that he wasn't ready to write my letter, one of the reasons he gave is that I may change my mind during the seven months between now and my surgery date.

Has anyone here done that?

Have you been in a position where financing was in place and no health issues stood in your way and you went from planning to get SRS to planning not to get it?

If so, what changed your mind?

[Jill F]

I am personally 99.9% (or more) sure I'm getting it done.  Still want it all day, every day without fail.

There are a handful of people I've heard of/from who changed their minds for the following reasons:  Religious conversion, scared away because of pain from electrolysis, the surgery itself or the grueling dilation schedule, appeasing a domestic partner or becoming asexual.

[kelly_aus]

When I started transition, SRS was a must have for me.. 100% had to have it. As time has passed and I've 'grown into' being me, I found it became less and less of a requirement.. I also came to realise that there was a good chance I'd regret it.

[Ms. OBrien CVT]

I would only change if I was convinced I would not get to surgery.  But if I had my date set, no way in hell would I change.  Except for Pre-op to Post-op. 

[JoanneB]

Call it an occupational hazard, but if you are absolutely, positively, 100% about something.... you really aren't seeing things as they really are. If I were evaluating someone and they had this attitude I would be concerned over their nonreality based opinion.

I have regrets over where I am now. I have regrets and fears over where I need to go. Yet the undeniable truth is I am by far happier as well as a more balanced and better person to be around. So, by your therapist reasoning I should have stopped this journey I started 5 years ago when I first started thinking about it. After all.... I may just change my mind.

[ErinM]

As I've gone through the process of figuring myself out I went from identifying as androgyne without any intention of medical transition to wanting HRT/orchi to MTF and wanting SRS. My attitude towards my parts has gone from indifference to a "strong dislike" and progressing every day.

While this is the opposite of what you're talking about, what I am saying is that I know my opinion has changed so I guess anything is possible in terms of a change of attitude.

That being said, I did have a referral for work to be done on my face. It would be 100% covered by the province, but I backed out because I wanted to sort out my transition first and have gone through the changes from HRT before. Other surgeries I've had the doctor would still give me the chance to change my mind right up to the point were I'm put under.

It make no sense to deny you your referral. You can always back out at any time if you change your mind.

[Lara the Lover and the Fighter]

To be honest I forget it is even there most of the time.  SRS would be great in the future but even if I never get it done, it won't really be a big deal.  At the same time, I'm in a happy, permanent relationship.  If that weren't the case I would probably feel a little bit different.

[Missy~rmdlm]

I was pretty sure that is why many letters are written with expiration dates. In my case, what if I'm freaking out at t minus 1 hr? I'd still jump in the surgery bed and comply because while someone might say "you don't need to do this" my reply is, "yes I do."
I am scheduled for 4/16/2014, currently not funded.

[Eva Marie]

To be honest I forget it is even there most of the time.  SRS would be great in the future but even if I never get it done, it won't really be a big deal.  At the same time, I'm in a happy, permanent relationship.  If that weren't the case I would probably feel a little bit different.

I feel the same way except that I don't have the happy, permanent relationship. I'm older, I have no interest in dating anyone, and I seem to have turned asexual these days so what's in my pants really doesn't matter to me that much. If I got a v-jayjay installed i'd likely never use it, so i'm thinking - whats the point in me having one installed? Its would be a lot of money spent and a lot of recovery time for something that will gather dust.

If it's important to you by all means please do it - it's just not important to me right now.

[ErinM]

I was pretty sure that is why many letters are written with expiration dates. In my case, what if I'm freaking out at t minus 1 hr? I'd still jump in the surgery bed and comply because while someone might say "you don't need to do this" my reply is, "yes I do."
I am scheduled for 4/16/2014, currently not funded.

Please forgive me if I'm reading this wrong, but by freaking out at that time are you referring to the surgery or the decision to have surgery?

I have freaked out before every surgery because of the risks and the recovery every time and every time I still hopped up on that table because I knew the decision was the right one.

[Missy~rmdlm]

Oh definitely freaking out at the prep stage itself in the OR, I have lost direct family members in surgery (my dad.) It wasn't supposed to happen that way.

[MadelineB]

As a couple of women have mentioned, being wanted and loved for who you are, as a woman, in your current packaging, with all of your parts, can be transformative.
I myself am somewhat torn; I have experienced and now believe that the right person or persons for me could very well be out there and be absolutely tickled pink that I am a woman with a penis etc etc. I can theorize that I will increase my "chance" of finding him or her by making my body conform to standard societal expectations for my gender, but really, I am such an odd duck, those statistics don't matter at all. My being transsexual is still one of the most "normal" and every day aspects of me.

I do know that a significant portion of my soul, one of my spirits, is extremely dysphoric, about being configured physically like a guy in that way. And the portions of my soul, some are very masculine, but not so attached to the parts, and would willingly sacrifice his/their? comfort for her sanity. So as the person who is all of these spirits and beings at once, what is the right and ethical and happymaking thing to do? I really don't know.

I can tell you that I was blown away, but intrigued, the first time I made friends with a very female, very femme, woman who had no intention of getting bottom surgery - she had coverage, had it paid for, and still spent her own funds on breast augmentation and on her planned for butt amplification and wasn't comfortable telling me, an obviously body-dysphoric trans woman, that she absolutely wasn't going to get it. Her only lament was that guys thought she was so hot but weren't interested in settling down. I have sisters and nieces and a mom and female cousins, and that is not a uniquely transgender complaint. And she was quite rational about the fact that her body, fully intact, with a woman's penis, had far more nerve endings and potential for sexual pleasure than she would have once inverted, rearranged and reduced. So I think she was right, if your benefit (in reducing dysphoria) does not exceed the cost (not only in money, but in nerve endings and in risk) then you really shouldn't do it, despite what your more body-dysphoric sisters may decide.

[Sarah Louise]

I'd say your therapist had their mind made up before you started.  They had no intention of giving you the letter, no matter what you said.

If you can, look for a different therapist.  Sure people change their mind, So What?  If you change your mind you cancel the surgery. 

[suzifrommd]

I have experienced and now believe that the right person or persons for me could very well be out there and be absolutely tickled pink that I am a woman with a penis etc etc. I can theorize that I will increase my "chance" of finding him or her by making my body conform to standard societal expectations for my gender, but really, I am such an odd duck, those statistics don't matter at all.

Though I would claim (IMO, and I am an opinionated person) that if a woman is doing SRS mostly to make herself more desirable, that's the wrong reason, or at least not a good enough reason alone. Likewise, if a man finds me attractive as I am, even if I totally love him, I couldn't see keeping my body in the wrong shape for him. After all, I had a spouse I DID love and I ended up driving her away because I insisted I needed a female presentation.

I'd say your therapist had their mind made up before you started. 

Actually, I don't think so. I think something about me bothered him, maybe my attitude, maybe the fact that I was questioning orthodoxy, maybe the fact that I though I knew as much as he did. My own therapist (who knows him well and who I really trust) says that he very rarely does this.

Sure people change their mind, So What?  If you change your mind you cancel the surgery. 

My thoughts exactly.

[Randi]

I  think this point is very important.  Whether male or female, the nerves from the genital region to the brain are the same.  The pudendal nerve and the messages send from it to the brain are what causes pleasurable sexual sensations.  Once you begin slicing things up down there, nerves are severed that may never grow back.

The Neoclitoris is typically less than 20% of the size of the glans, so sensation is lost.

There are many valid reasons to have SRS, but increasing your sexual sensation is not one of them

Randi

And she was quite rational about the fact that her body, fully intact, with a woman's penis, had far more nerve endings and potential for sexual pleasure than she would have once inverted, rearranged and reduced.

[Dahlia]

When I started transition, SRS was a must have for me.. 100% had to have it. As time has passed and I've 'grown into' being me, I found it became less and less of a requirement.. I also came to realise that there was a good chance I'd regret it.

That's a very, very honest thing to say! +1!

[Roberta W]

Hi ... Re:  "Changing your mind" ... Back when I had my SRS I had to save up for 7 years to get the money to go through with it, and the therapist said he thought that was good ... Because it would force me to really consider the decision.  But 7 years later I was more than ready.  The doctor asked me about 6 times if "I was sure" right before the operation, but I never waivered.  Perhaps some do, or they wouldn't ask so much ...

Re: Reasons to say "non-op" ... One thing they never consider beyond bathroom issues, legal requirements for name changes etc. ... Heaven forbid that one day one of us ends up in jail for a few days or a few months or more ... Imagine what would happen if you have had your HRT, your breasts have developed, your body has feminized to some degree, yet without the SRT you are required to be in with the rest of the male population.  OMG ... What a nightmare, literally. You just never know what might happen ... Even in a protest roundup or a DUI situation.  I'd be careful.  There are good reasons to follow through with the SRS if the desire is to enjoy the female form.

Just food for thought ... However improbable.  Roberto.

[suzifrommd]

I had to save up for 7 years to get the money to go through with it, and the therapist said he thought that was good ... Because it would force me to really consider the decision. 

I'll admit this attitude steams me. The notion that someone should spent 7 years of their life with their body out of sync with their brain simply to protect them from might be a bad decision is warped. It's a perpetuation of the notion that trans people are adolescent in their decision-making skills and need to be guided and protected.

Am I the only one that thinks so?

[Nero]

The Neoclitoris is typically less than 20% of the size of the glans, so sensation is lost.

There are many valid reasons to have SRS, but increasing your sexual sensation is not one of them

Good point. The neoclit won't have the zillion nerve endings a cis women's has. It's such a small space that's probably going to provide most of your pleasure.

I had to save up for 7 years to get the money to go through with it, and the therapist said he thought that was good ... Because it would force me to really consider the decision. 

I'll admit this attitude steams me. The notion that someone should spent 7 years of their life with their body out of sync with their brain simply to protect them from might be a bad decision is warped. It's a perpetuation of the notion that trans people are adolescent in their decision-making skills and need to be guided and protected.

Am I the only one that thinks so?

No, it is pretty bad. We're not serving 7 years for Rachael after all.

[Roberta W]

Hi ... Yes, 7 years.  But with a better paying job it could have been less!  I guess I wasn't thinking that that particular point would be the eyebrow-raising portion of my post, but yes ... 7 years is long enough to be presumed legally dead, at it was a long time.  It was a long time ago now, so it doesn't seem so "infinite", but at the time it was painful.  But you also have to remember that back in the mid 1980's, the entire community was much more reluctant to admit that "we" exist ... We were just "confused".  Yah, right.  Hopefully today nobody has to wait as long as I did ... There are many more options today, even financially.  Thanks for all of your support!  Roberto.