Does this make any sense to anyone? Or am I just nuts?

[Shawn Sunshine]

Hi Guys and Gals and everyone in between, this is Shawn checking in again. Well I am still in Texas and perhaps a little less frazzled and more balanced, but still wondering what to do? Nearly everything that I felt last year has seemed to disapear or perhaps take on another form. I am no longer really obsessed about my identity as I was and in fact have become more relaxed about being somehwere in between male and female. However I am still going to counceling and will be seeing and endocronologist. I think once again with this new endo, its possible she may suggest for me to take testosterone or maybe clomid which increases your T levels naturally. I know what you might be thinking, why in the world would you do that? You just told us all here last year you wanted to live fully female full time. Well all i can say is I just want to see what my real problem may be. Maybe I have more a generalized body dysphoria and of course depression and moods swings, but what if its because of my intersex conditon which of course as one of the symptoms is abnormally low testosterone (been that way since my 20s).

Has anyone tried to take T first to see if that would make you feel mentally and physically better? Was it suggested to you to try it? Is it reversable if i decide to take it and find out its not helping and then realize later I probably just need estrogen and AA or simply just nothing?

The one thing that I am not sure what to do about is, how do I keep my male persona as a hopefully someday recognized male voice actor (i can do a few female voices but not all that well) and yet present as anything from adrogynous to fully feminine male to perhaps fully feminine female? Ugh you have to know that as soon as I thought the confusion was over and i came back to Texas it would go away. It didnt go away, but it did change. I am not in any hurry to alter my body or anything and I don't seem to have the same desire like i did last year to go all the way.

So is it an acceptable course of action to try Testosterone treatments or the clomid pill, and still be able to get out of it before its too late and not seeming to really make me feel any better? Or should I instead talk to my endo and ask if taking estrogen and aa's cane be reversed as well. I mean which route is better to go?

[bethany]

I had similar thoughts prior to starting HRT. But when I had my blood work done, and saw that my T level was at the mid mark for what a cis male's should be. I quickly removed that thought from my mind.

[Miyuki]

I did at one point try taking pregnenolone to increase my testosterone. My testosterone levels were never actually low, but they were on the low end of normal. Pregnenolone is known to increase testosterone levels when taken by a normal adult male, and I was thinking that having higher testosterone might increase my confidence and decrease my depression. That lasted about a week, and I can't say anything positive about the results. It made me feel worse in nearly every area I was trying to improve by taking it. That experience was also a big contributing factor in my decision to start taking anti-androgens even before I really came to terms with the gender identity issues I was having. Once I realized how badly testosterone was making me feel, I just needed to get off of it before it drove me to do something desperate. Of course, I am not you. Lots of people like the way testosterone makes then feel, and I don't think you're going to be able to know for sure how higher testosterone will make you feel until you try it. What I can tell you is, it did not take me long to figure out increased testosterone wasn't going to work for me. I don't think you have anything to worry about regarding irreversible changes happening if you only tried it for a week or so. The real problem may be finding a way to get it prescribed for you on such a short term trial basis.